Comments Made During the Contest

Aaron Scott (Level 4)

Ah. "Not if you were the last person on earth" Nice!
Big stakes. Short logline. Clear conflict.
I love it! Excellent job.

Alex Hollister (Level 4)

I've read this twice now and still don't get it. Once again, it shoots itself in the foot by being TOO COY and TOO VAGUE. What does 'Jealous Games' even mean? If you mean that one of the couple starts having feelings for a survivor or that one of the couple mistakenly believes that their partner is having relations with a survivor... THEN SAY SO!

This starts off with a sort of okay premise in that it has comedic and conflict potential. What would happen if the only people left on earth hated each other's guts? Nice idea.

But after that I don't get a sense of the story. How is the fate of mankind threatened? It was threatened when only two divorcees were left to repopulate the earth. Then the survivors arrive. So if anything that's more people to help populate.

Now maybe what you're trying to say (and if this isn't the idea, it damn well should have been... I demand a rewrite) is that the survivors are all men.

NOW YOU HAVE A SCRIPT!

A divorced husband still in love with his ex-wife gets a lucky break when an apocalyptic event leaves them both the only people left in the world. On the brink of convincing his wife to help repopulate the earth with him, a group of survivors show up- All male. Can he convince his wife to stay with him whilst foiling her new suitor's advances?

That I would read. But I don't know if that was your intention. Because you haven't put that across in the logline. So on that basis, this gets a FAIR.

Aralis Bloise (Level 4)

Wait, what? I'm not sure what's going on here.
1- did the divorce cause the apocalypse? I don't think so, but that's kind of what that makes it sound like.
2- who's forcing them to repopulate the earth? Did they just take that task up by themselves?
3- why jealousy? weren't they divorced anyway?
It seems like there might be some gaps in the story that you should mention to give us a clearer picture of what the movie would be about.

Audrey Webb (Level 5)

This made me laugh out loud...a divorce so cataclysmic that it ushers in the apocalypse. HA! That's great.

I've got nothing to say in terms of making this any better, so I'll just say have a raucous good time writing this one!

Well done.

Ayal Pinkus (Level 5)

There are a few things I don't get: how can a divorce cause the apocalypse? And then, how can the wandering eyes and jealous games threaten the fate of mankind? I am assuming they will be having sex all over the place, which would actually be beneficial, to repopulate earth?

The couple inadvertently cause the apocalypse, killing every one I know and love. Now I have a hard time rooting for them...

So the protagonist is clear (one of the couple), the goal (repopulating earth). But what is the antagonistic force? The more the merrier I'd say.

This is more plot-driven than character-driven. Apocalypse happens because it suits the story, and impostors threaten the fate of mankind because that suits the story, not because that would happen if real people were involved. I think...

Basil Sunshine (Level 4)

How does their divorce cause an apocalypse?? The repopulation thing has potential... it would be funny/awful if the only survivors were a bunch of a-holes who didn't care about anything but themselves. Oh the humanity.

Bill Clar (Level 5)

Title: Unique. Romantic comedy?

Story: How can a divorce create the apocalypse? This plot point seems unlikely.

I'm really stuck on your second act. I just don't know enough about your apocalypse. Will they live in tents? Shacks? Buildings? Confining survivors will be a hindrance because in order for people to cheat on each other, they need to sneak away. Usually this works better in present day because people are at work or hanging out with their friends when they meet "the other guy/girl".

Craft: You say "apocalypse" which can have different meanings for different people. If the couple are the only survivors, that they know of, you need to mention it.

Bill Sarre (Level 4)

Title - catchy, sense of humous relationship issues, against a bizarre background, come to mind.

Protagonist - my guess is the couple as a whole

Antagonist - apart from an apocalypse human emotions in a group

Genre - comedy

Other - Well written, nicely balances and decent pace to the writing. Ushers in?? i see what you mean, and it works, does sound a bit strange, but then again effective.

The set up to this would be a challenge.

Good work.

Bob Johnson (Level 4)

Title was quite catchy but left me wondering if this was a serious screenplay or a comedy.

The logline appeared constructed well enough and really quite interesting.

Byron Matthews (Level 4)

Title -- The title put a smile on my face. I think it works all around.

Story -- Again, another pretty interesting and original story idea. Everything's pretty clear in this story in terms of protagonist, goals, and obstacles.

Craft -- The logline made me chuckle to myself, so I'm pretty confident that I know this is a comedy. I think this has a lot of potential, and I can't wait for the first ten pages.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

I think this is a great concept, great logline. Slightly bemused wondering how a couple's divorce could usher in the apocalypse...there's intrigue and there's...too much intrigue.

Chris Keaton (Level 5)

Wow, sounds like a fun comedy. Maybe you should punch of the comedy and rearrange it to make it more obviously funny?

Chris Messineo (Founder)

Great title. Incredibly strange and bizarre story.

Somehow a divorce leads to a worldwide apocalypse, but then survivors show up and it turns into a bad reality TV show? I'm having a really hard time picturing all of this.

Points for originality, but 'm afraid I am lost when it comes to the real story here.

Chris Setten (Level 4)

I like the title, it's catchy. Your leading clause has quite quite a hook. I think you got most of the elements one would expect to see in a well crafted logline. I say most because your protagonist is not clear to me: is it the couple? or one or the other?

Christina Kishpaugh (Level 3)

So much drama. I don't get how if they were getting a divorce in the first place and all these people show up- wouldn't they be happy to finally be able to be rid of each other? Also does their divorce cause the apocalypse or it just so happens they are getting a divorce when the apocalypse hits? Maybe be more clear on that.

Dan Delgado (Level 5)

You can't just say: "A couple's divorce ushers in the apocalypse..." Well, actually you can, you did, but even if this was a farce you need to give at least a hint as to how a couple's divorce could possibly usher in the apocalypse. It's like saying: "Timmy put the gumball in his mouth and when he started to chew the world blew up." There has to be a connection. The rest is of the logline is far too vague. And it makes me wonder if there are both men and women in this "handful of survivors", and if there are, then why is it up to the divorced couple to do all the earth's repopulating? You may have an interesting story here, but your logline isn't doing enough to tell me what it is.

Good luck. Thank you for entering.

David Birch (Level 5)

clever title...bonus points for that...just one criticism and that would be "threaten the fate of mankind."...seems a little gloomy for something that going to be a comedy...i might suggest "wandering eyes and jealousy derail any plans that lead to..."...something to keep the tone consistent with the premise...

David D. DeBord (Level 5)

I like the title. I like the logline too. Simple but not simplistic. I can see the story, or at least my interpretation of the story, right away. The thirty words give us the main characters, their conflict, the raised conflicts and the potential for disaster. It’s all good and all interesting. So, I hope the pressure will be on you to produce in the next round. Anxious to see where you take this.

David M Troop (Level 4)

Title:
Okay, but it sounds like a comedy to me.
Story:
Is it clear? Is this a post-apocalypse rom-com?
Is it interesting? The first part is interesting. I wouldn't do you if you were the last woman on Earth! Then she is. And he has to. That's good. When you add in the other survivors it might get predictable. Be careful.
I can't see any clear antags unless it's someone in the other group who threatens mankind.
The journey is not spelled out but I assume the couple breaks up, gets back together to save mankind, one of them meets someone else, they break up again, then get back together again.
Original? Yes. Feels like a dark comedy.
Craft:
Style is okay. Maybe break it into two sentences so we don't rush past your premise.
Maybe could be clearer about the other survivors. Mood is light.
Spelling is good. Grammar needs editing as far as breaking up the sentence.

Denise Jewell (Level 4)

Title: Good. Makes use of the "last man on earth" idiom nicely.

Story: Looks like an interesting story with clear protags and their battle. Only complaint is that this could easily be a comedy or a drama, and I can't tell which from this logline.

Craft: Well done. Short and to the point, but I have a pretty good idea of what to expect.

Dusty Fincher (Level 3)

With this logline, I kinda get what the story is about and then I kinda don't. That probably makes little sense, but it's how I feel about it. Just a quick reading of it makes me think that the couple needs to procreate to repopulate the earth, but when survivors come, that threatens their ability to procreate. The question being, why is there still a need to procreate with each other if there are more survivors? I guess I'm just not super clear on what the threat to the story is. A clearer idea of the conflict and how all of this brings about the apocalypse would help.

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

Sounds like a fun movie, and I like the title. This entry earned a very good. I would trim some of the logline though. Consider something like this: A couple's divorce ushers in the apocalypse but a handful of survivors threaten the fate of mankind with jealous games. Good luck with the screenplay.

Felipe D. Machado (Level 4)

I really like your title. It would look very catchy on a billboard.

The logline is way too vague about what is going on here. You need to specify where survivors are arriving and how this threatens the fate of mankind.

The craft of the logline is good. You just need to add more information.

Good luck!

Fred Koszewnik (Level 5)

The Last Ex on Earth just sounds awkward to my ears. It may work but it honestly just doesn't sound right to me as a title for a movie. I'm not sure I understand the plausibility or concept of your logline. How does a couple's divorce "usher in the apocalypse". It doesn't make sense and needs a little more fleshing out. That said, I do like the idea of a complete turn of unseen possibilities and events with the unexpected arrival of new characters. "Jealousy" and "wandering eyes" are great themes for exploring drama and conflict. Continued good success.

Gary Rademan (Level 5)

Adam and Eve reinvented. Cool.

The title and first half of the log suggest a comedy but then the feel goes to serious. May need to clarify. Not sure the commas are needed.

Could this be personalized? From a group of survivors to survivors led by a handsome stranger? Or similar? Always a good idea to put a face on the antags.

Jealous games may be better as jealousy?

VERY GOOD!

Greg Tonnon (Level 5)

The title is good as it hints at the story and genre. The logline itself is short and concise yet gives a good overview of the story. I would suggest, since you have room, to include the main characters names.

James Hughes (Level 5)

title - excellent, this sounds like it will be funny.

story - i like the elements of this story although I can't say I really understand what the story is. I can't really tell how these things would be connected or what it really is meant by an apocolypse, repopulating earth, who survivors are and where they have come from.

craft - The craft is good. I would break this into two sentences. I would put a comma after apocalypse.

overall, i am rating as very good.

James McConnell (Level 3)

Good logline. I like the initial conflict in that a divorced couple are charged with repopulating the earth. The only problem I have is where the jealousy threatens. Why would a divorced couple be jealous? Wouldn't they be happy to see other survivors so that they wouldn't have to reproduce together?

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

Why would it threaten the fate of mankind when there are other people they can sleep with? That would better for mankind, right? More people to populate the earth.

I'm not sure what else to say if I don't get the logic. The logline looks nice, but again, it doesn't make sense.

Jo Gates (Level 3)

I can see a divorce occurring at about the time of a global pandemic, and the irony of being the last two people on Earth wouldn't be lost on most divorced couples. The phrase "divorce ushers in the apocalypse" implies that their divorce _caused_ the end of the world, and that's beyond even what I accept under liberal suspension of disbelief.

The situation lends itself to a lot of good one-liners and complex issues. A lot of small-group survivor stories, post-apocalyptic tales, etc. have classic memorable lines and moments. On a practical level, a small group of survivors would have to interbreed as much as possible to produce genetically healthy offspring. Human emotions, especially with exes, could make for an interesting movie.

Jordan Littleton (Level 4)

I like the premise. It goes back to the threat, "I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last person on Earth." I'm not sure why wandering eyes and jealous games threaten the fate of mankind. If there are more people, then there should be more people to repopulate.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

I get an idea what's going on in the film. The genre could be a comedy or action or else - I don't see the genre clearly from this.

I want to see more about the couple, the jealous games that you mentioned etc. A couple divorces, but do they fall in love later?
It's a bit on the goofy side as well, I'd say.

I think it's a good logline but could be even better if it was more to the point.

Kim M Brantley (Level 3)

Great title, love it. It sounds as if this is a comedy from the title and logline. Great setup and conflict.

I would like to see a little more detail in the logline telling me more about who the protagonists are, beyond the harrowing situation their divorce casts them into. More irony.

Kirk White (Level 5)

I like this. very cool, high concept fun. would love to read.

Kisha King (Level 4)

I like the title
Maybe the logline can use a little more work.
Why is mankind threaten if there are survivor
or is it fate for them two to be together?
I'm not sure what's the genre

KP Mackie (Level 5)

This story appears to be science-fiction comedy.
Short description, potentially with co-protagonists. Likely a survivor or two will turn out to be a foe.
Little confused by the situation presented. Wonder how the couple's divorce facilitates an apocalypse; seemingly the two situations would be unrelated. Not sure how they can be forced "to repopulate the earth" when they are not together. How can there be survivors when there's been an apocalypse and the need to repopulate?
A catchy title.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5)

I'm really curious to know how one divorce could usher in the apocalypse. Divorces are so very common in our society: of course they are devastating to the couple and the children, but hardly on the level of the apocalypse. It makes me wonder if there's a hint of divinity in one of the characters, which would significantly alter the plot. It also begs the question of why only these two people appear to have survived (at first).

I can envision a lot of humor in this story, but I'm not sure if it's actually a comedy. There would have to be a lot of "survival-genre" in this story, right? The logline doesn't really indicate how you'll balance the darkness of apocalypse/survival with the humor and tension of the suburban-style bedhopping.

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

This could be a funny high-concept romantic comedy.

You might want to make it clearer how their divorce starts the apocalypse (and then leaves them thinking they're the only survivors), but I'm sure there'll be an "It's not the end of the world!" joke in there somewhere.

I think you should be more specific about the survivors as well. Are we going to follow the couple equally or will one be the protagonist? If it's the latter you'll want to make that clear, as well as telling us one survivor in particular who might pose the biggest challenge as a rival.

Good.

Matthew Fettig (Level 5)

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out a response to this entry. I don't mean this in a negative way, but there are so many cliches that come to mind from the concept. With that in mind, the title seems to set this up as a comedy but I don't get that from the logline. To keep it serious, I think you'd go for something like "The Children" or "Our Children", or on a sci-fi level you might choose "Repopulate".

On to the logline - Structurally I think it's fine. However, the logic to me doesn't make sense. A couple divorces and all of a sudden they are, apparently, the last people on Earth. That alone is going to be one hell of a challenge to write convincingly. I would assume that the cliche attitudes in current society (I wouldn't ... if you were last person on Earth) would change in that circumstance. But then you suggest that "others" arrive. I take this to mean that other humans have survived. That would be a good thing. Wandering eyes? Also a good thing - a mix of people to repopulate the planet, not a threat to mankind.

So somewhere in your story, there is a twist that this arrival of others threatens all of the survivors. Jealousy doesn't rise to the level of a threat in this situation, in my opinion. Give us more that explains how this new group becomes such a threat to all the survivors. In the environment you present, one disruptive person, I think, would be dealt with severely to insure that the human race could continue. Your premise is extreme so you have to bring extreme situations to the story. Your logline, comparatively, is rather tame.

Michael Cornetto (Level 5)

Now that sounds funny. I can't fault this log line or title. Well done.

Michael Hughes (Level 4)

I am not sure how to read this one. The title, which I like, has a lighter feel than the logline itself. I don't know if this is some sort of survivor story or whether it becomes more of a relationship farce. I think the logline needs to add something to help point it one direction or the other.
The way you have written the logline, it appears that the couple's divorce is what actually causes the apocalypse. I can't imagine how that would be the case unless there is some supernatural aspect to the story, which is not mentioned in any other way.
I also don't understand why they feel they have to repopulate the earth. Again that carries with it a sense that there is a supernatural or almost biblical purpose, but without more clarification, it is seems unfinished.
anyway thanks, good luck.

MJ Hermanny (Level 5)

title: humerous, tells this this will be a comedy, probably a romcom with sci-fi elements.

story: this is ok, nothing too thrilling. a bit soft porn perhaps.

craft: commas not necessary before conjunctions.

overall: if this is comedy and there was more humour in the logline I might be more interested.

Mohammad Nawaz (Level 4)

The title and the first half of the logline make it feel like a comedy but the rest says different.

The problem here is the apocalypse IMO. We don't have any information about it. I know that word is what it is but with a situation like this, I believe we need to know what type of apocalypse this is.

Only a fair from me I'm afraid.

Moldovan Alexandru (Level 3)

Well interesting idea:)) I definitely see this as a comedy and satire to the modern society and the little grudges that we develop towards people,hey we all need an enemy.And the fact that they wouldn't save the world because of their big egos would be the main idea that I would revolve this script around.

And the introducing of the survivors group gives you the opportunity to introduce some typologies in the equation that would give the amount of dynamicity a script needs to keep the reader interested.

Best of luck.

Nick Miranda (Level 4)

The logline itself is okay, structured well and with a clear definition of who the characters are, what they want, and what they’re up against. However, I’m a bit stuck on the idea that this couple’s divorce would “usher in the apocalypse.” If there is something so special about these people, you should mention it. If their relationship is part of some prophecy, for instance, that’s important information that NEEDS to be shared in the logline because it is a major part of your story and is something that sets your story apart.

Another issue that has me thinking: seriously, how long do they wait, and how hard to they search for survivors before they decide to “repopulate” the planet? When the other survivors show up, it kind of seems odd, and awkward. Maybe the husband convinces his ex that they’re alone? Something to that end could work, but then, she’d have to be really dumb. I’m only speculating.

This is an interesting story, but the plot described in the logline is a bit to illogical.

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5)

Sounds like you have the beginning of a cool concept, but you are working the wrong way around. See you already have a punny title and some linked humorous anecdote, but that's not a story.

What's at stake here, why do they usher in the apocalypse, what's special about them?
Needs a ton more detail.

Pete Barry (Level 5)

This gave me a chuckle, the idea of a divorce causing the apocalypse. I'd love to read the first ten pages just to see how that happens. The notion that other people show up, creating a weird post-apocalyptic free-sex dinner party, is very amusing.

The rhythm of the sentence could be improved; it's a little long, but moreover, it's not broken up quite right. The first phrase runs all together - at least put a comma after "apocalypse", separating the two ideas. I know there's been a debate going around about starting a sentence with a preposition, but if any sentence should be broken into two, it's this one. If you want to keep it as one sentence, a hyphen should do: "-but when a handful of survivors arrive".

Still, I'd take a look at the first ten pages.

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5)

The title is strong, although it's one that takes a couple of reads to figure out.

I like the story concept. It gives you a good mash up of the post apocalytic thing with the relationship comedy and plenty of stuff to work with.

The logline works well. I have a slight hesistation because the second part of the logline seems to bust the dynamic of the first bit. It kind of says they are the last couple on Earth, but they're not. That makes me wonder if there is a way to describe this that punches the concept across a little better.

Reginald McGhee (Level 0)

The Last Ex on Earth conveys comedy, and it matches the logline. It looks original too, and I don’t mind watching a movie like this one.

The inciting incident takes place when a couple divorces, which forces people to leave Earth. The couple in the logline is the active people in the logline. They are the ones who caused the apocalypse to take place. The setup is nice and clean.

We see that the couple is the protagonist. The protagonist’s role all fits the overall message of the logline. The goal is to repopulate Earth. I see that the divorcing couples are in comedic chaos, which makes his even funnier each time i read this logline.

The obstacle they must overcome is not only to repopulate Earth, but they need to save humankind. The group of survivors is the ally. They are the ones who are causing the problems. That’s what makes a logline like this interesting. Although the antagonist is not stated, I can sense that the divorce caused the destruction of Earth. I’m going to assume that making out or coming back together is what’s at stake.

I find this logline to be original, and I wouldn’t mind watching a film like this.
The genre is clearly defined as Comedy, and I have not notice any grammar errors.

Rick Hansberry (Moderator)

I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last woman on earth - oh, wait. Funny premise. I didn't care for the 'fate of mankind' part. That seemed a little too heavy-handed for what I imagine to be a comedy but I like the title and I think there's promise here.

Robert Chipman (Level 4)

I have some questions regarding your plot. How does one's divorce usher in the apocalypse? Beyond that, you state they have to repopulate the earth, but there are also other survivors that weren't wiped out in the apocalypse? I can see the idea you are going for here, but the logline idea did not work for me. As for the logline itself, I don't see any major issues with how it is written. I wish the idea worked for me, but I am sorry that it did not. Good luck with this idea.

Rustom Irani (Moderator)

If there are a handful of survivers left, then the whole point of the apocalypse having destroyed everyone but them is then moot, isn't it?

So, that means they don't necessarily have to re-populate the earth then, do they?

Also, how can the fate of mankind be threatened when they could pro-create with a survivor of their choice?

You have tried to use a romcom premise within a super-natural setting and the end result doesn't quite gel together. It seems a bit gimmicky.

You either have to tell me if this is one super highly special chosen couple or give me some hint about who the survivors are.

I want details and more coherent train of thought to really buy into your premise here.

The title is a bit too literal and I wish it was a bit more curt and hinted at the premise rather than character situation or provide a clue towards resolution.

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

Interesting title, it took me a few minutes to figure it out, but it's catchy. You lost me in the logline though. I have no idea what the last line means. Who does the doctor want to lose weight, the woman or the baseball player? The logline doesn't make sense really, why would his romance help his career? What does recalled mean?

I think you have a good idea, but the logline is unclear and not as compelling or interesting as it could be.

Sean Chipman (Level 4)

I can kind of buy into this one but how does their divorce bring on the apocalypse? The only other quibble I have with this is not being able to clearly tell the genre. It really could be anything from horror to a straight comedy. Beyond that, I have no other real issues with it and do enjoy the title.

Good.

Tim Aucoin (Level 4)

This has an interesting hook. But it's really vague in explaining the story points. Who is this couple? How does their divorce usher in the apocalypse and why are they the ones that have to re-pop the earth? There's some cool elements in here but lack of any real info leaves the reader with too many questions.

Tim Westland (Moderator)

Title: Pretty good.

Logline: Pretty darned good. I can see the movie and it sounds fun! Very Good!

Trent Carroll (Level 4)

The title seems a little off-kilter to me. When I say it out loud, something feels odd about how it sounds. I don't know why though.

The first statement sounded kinda cool at first but then I realized that it wasn't explained properly. You've equated the apocalypse as meaning that everybody else is killed except them, when that wasn't actually stated. Oftentimes, when people are left behind in apocalypse storylines, more than just two people are left. It would have sounded better if you said "A recently divorced couple is forced to repopulate the Earth when the apocalypse leaves themselves as the only survivors".

The second statement seems to contradict the first statement. If there are other survivors, why do they have to repopulate the Earth themselves? They must have believed that they had to repopulate instead of being "forced" to repopulate.

Overall, I know what you were going for here and it sounds interesting enough. I'll give it a Good because it still had structural problems and a minor contradiction that could easily be fixed.

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus)

I'm not feeling the title and am unsure of the genre - title feels like a comedy, but reading the logline, I question whether it's a drama, comedy or dark comedy? I think it should be a bit more clear. At least, I would like it to be more clear.

"A couple's divorce ushers in the apocalypse..." I have to admit, I need to know how this actually happened. Now, if they were some cosmic couple or otherworldly, that would be interesting. But as it reads, I couldn't help but feel puzzled.

William D. Prystauk (Level 5)

Cool title and an interesting premise. But where do the survivors "arrive"? And how can this threaten mankind when we've already survived the apocalypse? That's confusing, but I still think you have something unique.

Enjoy the writing!

William Dunbar (Level 5)

This logline is clear and concise, and gives a good idea of what the script will be about. I like the premise and the title, too. Good job.

Zach Jansen (Level 4)

I don't why "[a] couple's divorce" would bring upon the apocalypse, but okay.

My biggest hang up is that if repopulating the earth is necessary (you do say "forced"), then wouldn't it be prudent to breed with others in order to assure a good mix of genes? The whole premise of this idea hangs on something that most people would look past if faced with extinction-like situations -- at least I'd hope they would.

This'll probably be a neat little romantic comedy with a sci-fi like twist added in, but the premise feels very flawed and unbelievable.

Comments Made After the Contest