"A Boy's Fear" by Chris Keaton ~ Honorable Mention

Contest: Short Film (Nov. 2011)

Contest Scores
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Comments Made During the Contest

Ayal Pinkus (Level 5)

I saw this one before and remembered thinking it was pretty well done.

The eery atmosphere at the beginning, very good. The sound and the lighing support that well. In the end we realize it is about a boy afraid to swim. Fear is fear.

I think the narration works against it, because it prematurely reveals the secret. Maybe it wasn't subtitled when I saw it before. The surprise came at the end; the boy was afraid to swim.

At any length, a very professional production! Congrats to all involved, very nice job.

Bill Clar (Level 5)

Script: No problems.

Acting: The boy looks nervous but not scared. Should he be scared?

Cinematography: Great use of shadows with B&W.

Great lighting.

Editing: No problems.

Score: Creepy score. It's subtle and enhances the story, but it doesn't distract from it.

Sound: Voices were clear. Very little ambient sound. Mostly score.

Direction: Nice, slow pace. Every scene sinks in.

The punchline, "You've got to learn how to swim" is given away in the middle. Save it for the end.

Bill Sarre (Level 5)

This was interesting because the script and the film seemed to take different moods. The script starts with a what if, but then has a light hearted finish. The film takes a more sinister feel to the end. The close up of the man reinforces this. Was that meant to be the boy later on?

The production was super, great camera, good use of light and sound. The man's voice seemed a little static but not much to criticise.

all the best

Brian Wind (Level 5)

All technical aspects of this film looked very pro. Lighting, editing, cinematography... All top notch.

The actors looked like they were probably doing a good job, but speaking a language I'm unfamiliar with, it's hard to say for sure.

I don't exactly feel like this film in general captured the whole twist of the script. The script gives the impression that this kid's about to get molested but he ends up swimming with grandpa. This just appears as if he doesn't want to go swimming the entire time. There's even a towel hanging on a hook early on, so the swimming becomes less of a twist right out of the gate and we're never really given the impression the kid is in jeopardy and then we're told at 1:08 that he's got to learn to swim and we now know his fear which ind of renders everything after that point of the film pointless.

Overall, it was a very well made film with fine acting, but it kinda missed the tone of the script for me.

It's cool to see an alternate version of a film that was entered last year in this contest as well.

Byron Matthews (Level 5)

Just a disclaimer: I didn't have a chance to read the script for this short. Now, I instantly fell in love with the black and white look. I loved it. And the camera work was beautiful; there's some real skill in that area. The little boy was a good actor; I got an idea that he was afraid of something. At first, I thought it was the man, but then I quickly realized that it wasn't.

In my opinion, the score wasn't my favorite, and I couldn't get a beat on the older male actor. He has a great stoic poise in front of the camera, but I had no idea...what purpose he served. I never got an idea of the boy's fear. Fear of pools? Fear of grown men? Fear of going into the light?

The camera skills were on point just didn't get a sense of the story.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

Like the effect of the opening both sound and image. It builds up tension very well.

The tracking shots seem very bumpy.

Lovely looking child with a great expressive face.

I think the talk about the swimming lesson came too early and broke the suspense so the rest seemed redundant. That should have been the LAST moment, not halfway through, in my opinion.

Top marks for atmosphere!

Chris Messineo (Founder)

SCRIPT: I like this script and it's fascinating to me that it has been shot more than any other script on Movie Poet with at least three productions to date. This version is varies the most from the original script. It reveals the fear earlier, but then with the cut back to the grandfather it hints at something much darker going on. It's quite disturbing actually.

PERFORMANCES: Both the actors are very good. What's interesting to me, is that in this version it is almost more about the man than the boy.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: Perfect. Stunning. I love the choice of black and white. The slow push in on the first shot of the man is also brilliant.

SOUND: Wonderful. I love the room tone. It almost sounds like we are in a submarine.

EDITING: Really interesting and effective. Like I said, the story is changed, but I think it has mutated into something even more powerful.

SCORE: Dark and evocative. I love it.

DIRECTION: The direction is very strong. I felt like the director had a vision and followed it perfectly.

OVERALL: I was truly surprised by this film and I am very impressed. I thought it was excellent.

Chris Westfield (Level 3)

I'm glad you didn't bleed out the small twist, well I wouldn't say twist since it looked like a locker room on the second shot and the boy was in swim trunks. I did really enjoy the look and how it was lit. Framing was nice, transitions gave it a nice artsy feel. Sound design and score worked well. I'm not sure exactly the relationship between the two was evident. Coach and swimmer? Relative? probably since they were holding hands. Good job.

Christopher Castle (Level 4)

Nice title.
Nice scrolling on the camera to start. Good atmosphere. Very intriguing at the beginning. Feels like a horror film. Characters relationship not totally clear to begin with but it seems to develop into a coach and pupil. Good use of light and sound. Then it ends. Never felt it developed into a full story, it was not long enough. It is a pity because what you did shoot was very effective and with the right script you could produce some good work.

Christopher Pedersen Cook (Level 3)

Dark and somber and very Swedish. I like it. Nicely put together and filmed. Makes great use of light and shadow. The opening shot, simply of a brick wall, was amazing, and so was the shot of the man by the sink. The shots are long and slow, not at all what you expect for a film this short. The ending was superb. You are set up to expect something bad to happen. But what actually transpires is perhaps neither good or bad. There are a few definite possibilities of what the ending could mean, but ultimatelly it's a situation where the viewer is lured into drawing his own conclusions, but in all probability these conclusions/assumptions will not be bland.

David M Troop (Level 5)

A Boy's Fear

A Boy's Fear is absolutely STUNNING!

THE SCRIPT by Chris Keaton was a one pager (I think his first entry) which won Honorable Mention in the June 2008 contest.
It was a creepy, dark script about a boy learning to swim. Keaton's descriptions were sinister, almost violent. Not much dialogue, but not much was needed. I would have given it a very good.

Bring in the Swedes!

I don't know what happened or who approached who, but thank God for the Swedes!

REGI (DIRECTING) by William Flink. This guy is amazing. He took a one page script and turned it into a mezmerizing, nightmarish art film. Genius!

FOTO (CINEMATOGRAPHY) by Tove Osterlund. Love, love, love the black and white photography. The concrete wall. The boy sitting on the bench. The locker door with the round window. The towel hanging on the hook. The boy walking into the light. Images I will not soon forget. Genius!

RAKLIPPNING (EDITING) by William Flink. From the shot of the concrete wall to the shot of the man at the sink... seamless, flawless, smooth, Genius!

MUSIK (SCORE) by Pneuma. Haunting, dark, ominous synths. Perfect!

Timothy Nilsson as the little boy was outstanding! His acting was all in his face and body language. Awesome job.

I'm sorry if this review seems a little overly positive, but this is truly effin' great! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT!

David Serra (Level 4)

A lot of the style is at large here, however I wished to the story was a bit more exciting the a boy going out and learning to swim. I wish something out of the ordinary happened in the end cause I was curious what was going to happen.

Overall, Good

Dawn Calvin (Level 5)

Totally lost me here. I thought he was going to go and do some boxing or something and maybe we would see something that would give us a clue as to what was happening at the end, like some gloves or something.

What I did like was the filming technique, the lighting and the music. The kid was lovely too, really cute.

But still, would have liked to see some revelation at the end. Was that the kid all grown up, was he a boxer still? ;-) I really missed the point I think.

I still liked it.

Debra Johnson (Level 3)

I don't get the storyline. While the filming was powerful in black and white, it did nothing for me storywise. I knew right away that it was the fear of water for the boy, but I didn't get going from the boy's face and dissolving to the old man. Please explain.

Denise Jewell (Level 5)

I'm very conflicted on this one. The filming is absolutely gorgeous - very professional looking. The sound seems perfect, building suspense and pulling you through the story. My problem is that I don't feel like it reflects the script. I'm left at the end of this wondering what happened - I even thought for a minute that the old man and the boy were the same person and he was flashing back. But I felt like there wasn't really a climax. Then I re-read the script and I remember reading this and I loved it. It's a punchline story and this film gives the punchline in the beginning, so it's not a punchline any more. So, then I'm thinking about how people interpret things differently, and did Chris think of it this way, or the way in my head... gets me thinking way too much.

But, as I said first, this is beautiful to watch. I just don't get the same connection I got when I first read the script.

Donnetta Williams (Level 3)

I liked the direction of the film on how the anxiety build up could be felt from the actions and camera directions. The shining light and how everything seem to be moving at a slower speed than actual time which is how anxiety is felt through a fear such as learning how to swim. Great job.

Elias Farnum (Level 5)

That was scary, even knowing that he is just afraid of swimming. The choice of black and white is excellent and totally lends to the feel, along with the direction, acting, music and score, oh how the music was perfect.

Really high quality stuff here, awesome job. Very, very good. Congratulations to all on one of the top looking films I've seen so far.

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

I read the initial script so long ago. This was very good. But, I did not understand the reason for the way it ended.

Felipe D. Machado (Level 4)

I honestly just did not get it, but from a technical standpoint this is by far the most visually pleasing film I've seen here so far. It was actually pretty creepy. I just don't know i the guy at the end was the boy grown up or if it was supposed to be his father or just someone else completely.

The subtitles were pretty hard to see at times. You can't place white subtitles on a white background.
Other than that, It was pretty well done. It just needs to explain what is going on a little better.

Gary Rademan (Level 5)

B&W is always haunting, reflective for me. Very appropriate. Color would have been too much.

The opening image couldn't have been better in setting the tone.

I saw a kid on his way down death row. A little heavy handed perhaps.

Also, the boy was emotionless before he entered the pool area. I expected a few tells rather than the mask.

I wonder about the "convict ending" at least that what I am calling the stern man. Was he the boy years later? Or the man telling him he had to learn to swim? Or a vision of both? I prefer both.

VERY GOOD

Greg Tonnon (Level 5)

I like the title a lot. It sets the mood and tone very well. The movie is more mysterious and a little darker than the script. The black and white adds to the mysterious and dark tone - good choice. The acting is good. The boy looks afaid but is swinging his legs as if he were not afraid. But the legs stopped swinging when his grandfather spoke - very good. The camera work was also good. I'm sure it is intentional, but someone watching this without having read the script first may wonder what exactly is going on.

Heidtmann Oppong (Level 4)

Simple story. Simple setting. Simple dialogue (no high-sounding words...everything in this script plus video is just simple and realistic)

Fast read too. Excellent

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

I remember this script. Loved it then! You did it proud! Nice camerawork. Adorable actor.

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

Audio: I could here everything. No complaints.

DIALOGUE: I didn't get it. I know what script this was from, but... something was off.

DIRECTION: I think this is where the script was lost. The whole reveal was supposed to be the swimming part. I don't think the director understood that we were supposed to believe the boy was in danger. We knew from the get go that this was a swimming pool locker room. I did not understand why it was so suspenseful.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: I LOVED this. Wow, wow, wow. I can't believe how beautiful this looked. It was so nicely done. It made the film. From the spot of light, to all the shadows. So perfect. Absolutely loved it.

MUSIC: Was also terrific. Every single beat was perfect. Was much, much better than the typical horror "Hum" or suspenseful violin. i gradually felt the suspense build from the music.

OVERALL: I did not understand a lick of it, but it was beautiful on screen.

Joshua Bullock (Level 1)

I admit it, this was very good! It was just the right length, and it wasn't too long nor too short. I loved the long pauses, it caused so much suspense! And a boy's fear, in this short film, can creates inferences in various ways to actually describe the boy's fear. Very good job, and amazing acting also! If you were to win this monthly contest I would certainly not be surprised, you actually really deserve it!!!

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

These keep coming:)
Everyone in love with the script or what? --how does that happen...?

You did a great job on your movie. Shot very well, very good editing. The music adds a lot. The way your actors said all the lines - V.O. style - works very well!

But, I don't think he should have said "they are waiting for you out there" "you've got to learn how to swim" this early in the movie. It should be in the end, I think. This is the twist - we think bad things, then suddenly it's all about swimming.

So, in the end - it's a really good movie, it's just that thing... Very Good though. Really impressive editing!

Kirk White (Level 5)

this is light years away from the original intention of the script (in my opinion) but it works...very compelling and haunting and almost screams for multiple viewings to really figure out what's going on. I love that in the end, it's the viewer's own frame of reference that defines what's really going on. great stuff.

Kisha King (Level 4)

This is a very good film but I wish everything was revealed at the end. In the script I was going crazy thinking: Why is he in this room? Why is he scared? Who is the man? What is he going to do to him? Where are they going? on and on. At the last two line I finally exhaled.

In the film everything is revealed in the beginning which taes away all the suspense.

KP Mackie (Level 5)

An intense interpretation. The brief subtitles coupled with the black and white filming emphasizes the drama in this young boy's fear.
The young actor playing Billy/Pojken? (Timothy Nilsson) has the most angelic face. Makes thinking how petrified he must be all the more heartwrenching. Terrific how he swings his legs while sitting on the bench anticipating that walk to the pool. And Vincent/Mannen? (Mats Lindblom) is one serious looking guy.
The echo-plus-heartbeat soundtrack really adds to the tension.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5)

The direction is perfect. The aestethics of this film are absolutely superb. The dreamlike quality suits the script, and the unusual pacing and editing of the film really leave a mark.

I remember seeing this film several months ago. I was impressed by it then, and am even more impressed with it now.

Very Good.

Lee Lyons (Level 2)

I think this was a really well made and well shot film. It looked great. The dialogue was simple. I will say that I'm not entirely sure of what happened. And maybe that makes me look stupid but I'm just being honest. A beautiful film though. The music was good. Not to overly dramatic and also relevant. I loved the fades and the white outs between shots. Good looking film.

Margaret Ricke (Level 5)

This took well over an hour to load, but it was worth the wait. This is my favorite "A Boy's Fear" to date. It's a change from the original story and that's okay.

Resolution is very good. Camera work and editing... wow. The visuals are so striking. Shots were well thought out and well executed. I really liked the lighting.

The acting was very good. The little boy is cast perfectly. He's so fragile looking and young... Angelic, really. The grandfather was equally well cast. The actor is effortlessly sinister.

I really like the hand washing shots, and the shot of the second boy and man. "I'll help you" gave me chills from both actors...

I've watched this four times now - five if I count the time I watched it before the contest. It's mesmerizingly disturbing.

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5)

I thought the way this was shot was very cool but IMO the reveal came too soon. And anything after that seemed like it didn't really mean anything. I remember this screenplay and up until the end we thing something horrible is happening to this kid and then at the end we find out he's just scared cus he has to go in the pool.

Too bad cus I really like the black and white.

Good job.

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

The black and white works really well.

The location and the ambient sounds are also good, perfectly suggesting the right atmosphere but also making sense for the reveal.

I think it might have been more effective had we seen the man deliver those lines and look threatening. As it is it doesn't feel like there's enough build up to the reveal. It really took the original joke and then extended it in a different direction.

Nevertheless this was very good.

Martin Lancaster (Level 4)

I love this film from an artistic and technical standpoint. The characters have a great look, the lighting and set design is perfect. The audio does a stellar job of setting the mood and the editing is great.

I have one major problem though, and it's the same problem I had with another adaptation of this script. "You must learn to swim" happens too soon and kills the suspense midway through. If you could hold that off until the final shot I think the whole piece would have much more impact.

I'm still rating this very good because the production values and direction are fantastic.

Well done!

Michael Berg (Level 4)

Well shot, interesting use of the camera. I didn't see much of a story here. And the music seemed to contrast to the intent of what is happening. Didn't quite understand the ending. Was it suppose be ominous?

Michael Hughes (Level 4)

The Film has a completely different feel from the script. I guess that's a valid approach but I am not sure I understand what the filmed version was going for. Was the man at the end the boy in the future? I need to watch again. It has a David Lynch sort of tone to it. A little disturbing.

Mike Senkpiel (Level 4)

Script:
I didn't quite get it. I guess we are supposed to think that this kid is going to get abused, but then he is only afraid of swimming. Once we do know that's all it is though, I like how it turns out to be the kid's imagination that made it all seem so sinister.

Performances:
They were both natural and believable. The boy has a very angelic face.

Cinematography:
Great lighting, images, and camera movement.

Sound:
Good mix between score, foley and VO.

Editing:
The pacing was slow, but that fit the mood. The long dissolves were nice as well.

Score:
The Eraserhead type noise at the beginning was effective. Listening to the audio without the video is very interesting on its own.

Direction:
This is quite a bit different from the scripts. I didn't get the misleading effect like in the script as he states "You've got to learn how to swim." early on, and we don't clearly hear the kids laughing and swimming at the end, so we don't really get the twist either.

Not sure what was up with the old guy's OCD-like hand washing. Didn't get why the kid saw himself in the room he was passing by either, but I think the effect of both was effective.

This is clearly directed by someone with a vision. I hope to see William direct one of his own scripts in the future. They are among my favorites here at MP.

Moldovan Alexandru (Level 3)

Very nice indeed,the quality of the image is very good,editing, the music at the end.I liked this.

The kid is also the adult or the other way around,the fear of water hasn't gone away.That's how I see it.:)

Excellent job.

Olga Tremaine (Level 5)

Is this in Swedish?
Very creative and moody. The boy's tension is well delivered. I see cinematography has a specific style, I think you have talent with camera. Montage is good. Acting is well done.
Awesome!

Paul Williams (Level 5)

My preamble: For the first time, I produced and directed a short-film this year, so now I approach the reviewing process with a new perspective. I never thought it was easy, but now I know it's not.

Of course this isn't your fault, but this is the fourth version of this script I've seen produced, so I'm well aware of the story by now.

I love the overall tone/atmosphere you initially create. It's tense and filled with dread.

I do wish you had handled the reveal a little differently, more visually, also.

I'm not sure why you ended on a shot of the man. It's the titular boy's story, right? I think I might have ended on a shot of him.

Very Good.

Pete Barry (Level 5)

This is masterful cinematography and editing, the slow, terrifying fades, the peel away from the brick wall, the smart composition of a man just outside the door. I get the whole sense of the story, and I understand the horror movie motif is being used to illuminate the fear of a child. Bravo to the film crew, the editors, and the actors.

I have one major complaint with the direction. The original script - a good one - hinges on a surprise: you don't know what's happening in this dingy, stone-walled room, and the boy's terror is your terror. In this, the terror isn't magnified as well, because you understand it's about swimming very early on, even before it's mentioned. You can tell just from the room that the boy is about to jump in the YMCA pool. Tighter shots and sticking to the original dialogue would have helped. AS it is, the combination horror movie/coming of age story doesn't fit together quite right, and feels awkward.

Still, as a piece of film, this is top-notch stuff.

Peter Tolosa (Level 4)

Excellent cinematography, got me real psyched up to see something actually happen and then it didn't, so I can't say that I really got what I wanted from this but you laid down a good primer because I was ready to watch an hour more. Great lighting, Very Good.

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5)

I feel like I've seen so many versions of this that I've forgotton what the world was like before I knew what happens in this story! Of course it makes it really hard to judge how it would play if I didn't have a sense of what is coming.

I get the idea that in this version we are given the possibility that the ending is a negative one in which we are left with the thought that the boy is in fact in trouble. That works fine.

As I've always said about versions of this, the initial challenge of the script was to convince us to be afraid, before then showing us it's all okay. This version tells us it's about swimming immediately so on the face of it we don't have a reason to worry, however with the style and alternate ending we get get worried anyway.

The filming is done well and the shots and a strong look about them.

Pia Cook (Level 5)

An excellent film. Great looking film. Great editing and acted. You superbly weaved in a sub tone of pedophilia. I'm glad it had nothing to do with that. Awesome work William Bergm... I meant Flink!! ;)

R. L. Robinson (Level 3)

Shooting in black and white fits well for this short film and you remained inline with the script while straying far enough to leave your mark. Well done with the soundtrack, the audio and voices are well placed and easy on the ears. The mounting fear in the boy is projected to the viewer with your combination of light and sound. Great.

Reginald McGhee (Level 0)

The screenplay is well written. No formatting errors I noticed. You showed us the boy’s fear of him learning how to swim in the opening scene as well as you did in the film.

Performance: The boy did a good job showing his fear through his facial expression. The performance with the coach is excellent.

Cinematography: The camera light looks good on screen. The spotlight around the boy and the darkness behind the scene makes the tone of the movie. That one is excellent. I’m not sure if that one was a coincidence or not.

Sound: I notice the sound FX in the music. It was clear and horrific (in a good way). The sound quality is leveled and clear throughout the movie.

Editing: The very last moment where the dad of the boy’s face disappeared at the end. That makes the movie add a punch where he finally get the boy to swim. I enjoyed the editing part at the end. All the other editing are excellent and I have nothing else to say about it.

Score: The credit at the side is good and right on point. I have nothing else to comment on this one.

Direction: No unnecessary scene or scenes that should be on screen messes up the movie. The music tone adds a great horror theme for the boy’s fear.
I will rate this as Excellent.

Rich Keel (Level 4)

Already a re-make of a film :) - I love the style of this film and I thought it was going to do the darker side of the original script. But I am disappointed because I thought the whole idea of the script was to make you think the child was being abused in some way. To feel the anguish and fear of the child's character...and this film seemed to focus on the actual fear of swimming...which just didn't seem to be very entertaining.

Directing/Editing - Pretty Flawless. The look and feel was great.

Acting - Very well done...seemed cooler wth the foreign language and subtitles.

Story - Like I mentioned above you went a completely different direction than I thought the script was going...but itstill looked nice.

Overall - I thought this was a good film.

Good luck to you this month.

Richard Buckley (Level 4)

Congratulations on your completed film,

This was definitely style over substance for me, and I felt it kind of missed the point when I read the original script. Technically things were good though, editing, acting, sound were all fine.

Well done.

Robert L McBride (Level 2)

I didn't really get it. The first twenty four seconds were too long. Meaning, it was just one shot. It didn't make me suspenseful or add to the story. The camera work was good and the shots were nice but as far as plot, it was bleak. I get the fact that he had to learn how to swim but all the suspense behind it left me baffled.

Ronald Ford (Level 1)

This was very good. It immediately captured my attention at the beginning with the precise black and white perception.

The music was well done. I get the feeling that this isn't an ideal environment at all for any of the boys in the film, however they seem to accept it for whatever reason.

Very interesting.

Rustom Irani (Moderator)

This works splendidly up to the reveal, which in my opinion comes too early.

Up to that point your mastery over the blocking, voice-over and camera work/lighting has been manipulatively delicious to my imagination. You put all sorts of ideas in my head as the viewer and I expect so many tense actions to follow.

Maintin that!

Leave the reveal to the very last line as he looks up. Trust me that would work a lot, lot better. Try it, I might be wrong, but my instincts tell me that you'll get a lot more responses and views if you take that route.

Great writing, excellent execution.

Very good job!

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

I watched another version of this last year. While this is very well done production value wise, I feel that it missed the whole mark on the script.
Wasn't the story mean to surprise us, to make us believe something sinister was going on with this man and boy, and then we find out that it was his grandpa trying to help him learn how to swim?

This one tells it all and I didn't feel any connection to this story. Like I said, it was well lit, the music and sound were great, that's what is hard, because this could have been excellent, if you'd kept the script as it was written, and surprised us.

I applaud you on making a film. It's not easy and this obviously took a lot of time and great effort for many people.

I gave you a good. If the story had been stronger, or the reveal more interesting, it would have been a very good.

Tim Westland (Moderator)

The cinematography is very cool.

However, the point of this is completely beyond me. I honestly cannot provide any real critique because I don't know what this was supposed to be about. Totally lost.

I look forward to reading the other critiques to see what I've missed.

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus)

The "fear" element is done very well in this film, both with music, lighting and texture. The rippling water in the Boy's face is excellent as well - though that is where I feel the film should end. Going white there and coming back to Vincent is unnecessary and takes away from the "Boy's Fear".

Loved productions aspects of this film - DP, direction, sound and especially lighting as well as production choices... black and white, etc.

Very well done and professional. Good luck.

William D. Prystauk (Level 5)

Exceptional lighting, sound, music, editing and pace. The atmosphere was phenomenal - electric.

Wonderful work with an intriguing end open to several interpretations. Regardless, you know how to present and "show" a story, with a multi-layered element of suspense that completely mirrored the boy's fear.

Excellent work!

Thank you so much for sharing this.

Zach Jansen (Level 4)

Great sound design. Sets the mood immediately. Black and white also a nice choice.

This is actually really creepy in the wake of the Penn State scandal...

The film lacks some of the nuances of the script -- especially since the punchline is delivered so early. It becomes more about style over substance. But it's good style -- the noirish lighting is captivating and intriguing.

Good acting -- though it was really just glances (still effective nonetheless).

I'm just left unfulfilled, like the film was twice as long as it needed to be.


Comments Made After the Contest

Chris Messineo (Founder) ~ 1/1/2012 12:13 AM

Congratulations on the honorable mention. I loved this film!

Pia Cook (Level 5) ~ 1/1/2012 1:00 AM

I had this one pegged for send after Martin's!!!

Congrats on the HM!

David M Troop (Level 5) ~ 1/1/2012 8:05 AM

Congrats on the HM. In a collection of outstanding films, this one was one of my favorites. Beautiful to watch.

Margaret Ricke (Level 5) ~ 1/2/2012 10:29 AM

Congratulations on the HM! This film was amazing!

William D. Prystauk (Level 5) ~ 1/3/2012 9:21 PM

Fantastic work, once again! Congratulations!

William Flink (Level 3) ~ 1/4/2012 10:14 PM

Thanks guys!
And thank you everyone for your feedback,it's invaluable, I've had a very interesting time reading it.

Rick Hansberry (Moderator) ~ 1/5/2012 5:45 AM

Great job, William! I thought this was fantastic and I can't wait to see what you do next.


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The following members have selected this film as one of their favorites:

Chris Messineo ~ David M Troop ~ Margaret Ricke ~ Martin Lancaster ~ Kyle Patrick Johnson ~ William D. Prystauk ~ Reginald McGhee ~ Paul Williams