Comments Made During the Contest

Ayal Pinkus (Level 5)

I like the title, is pronounces well, and it is what the story is about in more than one way.

The dialogue between father and son is very realistic. Very good. Great characterization, and it shows the interrelationship between them well.

I like how you dramatize the nearing of danger through the clock going faster. I wonder if you can show that sufficiently well onscreen though.

It is a single scene, but it does suggest the rest of the story very effectively. We can guess how it will end. Enter late; boy and father play chess, focal point; mother calls with the bad news and then leave early as father is trying to connect with his son but his son realizes something is wrong.

It has all levels of conflict in it; external conflict, that is conflict with the outside world (a comet is nearing and on the verge of destroying all life on earth), inner conflict as father has to handle not telling his son even though he loves him, and interpersonal conflict when the son realizes something is wrong.

I suspect we'll see more end of the world story ideas coming year as 2012 nears, the year the Mayan calendar ends, wasn't it?

This screenplay can easily be turned into a movie with a small budget.

Great screenplay!

Bill Clar (Level 5)

Your theme is good but your script is two talking heads. There is no action or diversity in the settings.

This would work well for a stage play, but for film you need to keep the audience interested.

The father is giving the son a lot of life lessons. Focus on two or three and build on them. Try to intertwine them with the chess game.

As for the missile strikes, it won't take three weeks for Russia's missiles to arrive on our soil. Reduce the time frame to eight hours and the situation becomes dire.

Brian Roberts (Level 1)

The first two lines describing the characters and the action doesn't flow. The style is how I would imagine a telegram to be written. I think this could be easily resolved by using more confident transitional phrases instead of frequent STOPS. Not trying to be mean, I just think it's a sentence structure issue.

Then, all of a sudden, an excellent sense of dialogue washes away those concerns. Obviously, dialogue is crucial but the first thing anyone reads are the introductory lines. I have observed that the best scripts have an effective way of hooking the reader in before a word is even spoken. The rest of the descriptions flow in nicely with the dialogue. I just got the sense you were rushing through the set up at the beginning, anxious to get on with your epic story.

One more note: I'm not totally sure if your use of the word "typical" is grammatically incorrect but it feels like a bump in the road both times.

Brian Wind (Level 5)

This was written and paced pretty well, but would make for a rather dull film. It's basically two people having a conversation over a chess game, only interrupted by an expository phone call from the mom.

I liked the advice he gave his son. Their dialogue rang true, although some of it could be tightened up a bit.

Overall, I thought this was decently written, but needs something more to make an interesting film. There's no action in the script and no real twist or climax to the ending. Nice effort!

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

This is what I think - I love the story and the dialogue (particularly) and how it's underplayed but with drama in the background, and the chess references. However - I think it would work brilliantly as a RADIO play.

There are really no visuals that would compel me to want to watch it. It is ALL dialogue - and very good dialogue at that.

Chris Keaton (Level 5)

I love reading polished pieces. This was interesting a lot of life lessons, but essentially talking heads. It would only work with some really talented actors to get those emotions just write. Good writing I was drove through without a hiccup.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

I loved this. It's so simple and yet so powerful. It makes me think of all the things I want to tell my daughter.

The chess game and the dialogue between the father and son is wonderful. I don't know about the missiles though - it feels too big - too overwhelming for what is really a very small and touching story. Perhaps the phone call could just be about the father getting medical test results back. The story would essentially be the same, but it would be more grounded in a truly powerful and believable reality.

This is really is fantastic and I think with a small change it could be amazing!

Dan Delgado (Level 5)

I liked the idea of this story. But in my opinion, since it was one scene almost all dialogue, it could have been broken up a little. Maybe show the mother doing her job, so we can what's going on, and then when she calls her husband, she'll only have to say: "It didn't work." (or something similar). If you just wanted to stay on the one scene with chess game, you probably could have lopped a couple pages off of this and not lost anything. A lot of this is personal preference.

Thanks for entering. I gave this one a rating of "Good".

Dawn Calvin (Level 5)

I like the title, it obviously suits this story.
I like that it was dialogue driven, it worked. It had that ominious feel to it for sure, like you knew more was going on than just a lesson in Chess and life.

But when the mother called and said a missle would be there in weeks it kind of brought me out of the story. Does it take weeks?

Anyway, the writing was really good effort.

Denise Jewell (Level 4)

Nice heartwarming, bitter-sweet story. I questioned the realistic-ness of the dad, until I started writing this review and thinking about it. Of course he would want to give his son advice for the future - sort of like giving him hope, even when there is none. So, now I'm seeing a "Life is Beautiful" theme.

The simplicity of the lines -- not really any descripion, only one scene heading -- makes it seem a little sparse, but still works. The dialouge is wonderful - very natural and realistic. The only thing a little corny is the boy gushing about his mom, although at 10, that MIGHT still be happening.

Overall good job.

Elias Farnum (Level 5)

Well, so, there's some heartfelt dialogue, and sadness, and sentiment. A strong theme, sometimes we take for granted the time to say the things to loved ones that we'd like say, nice. Although it does make you think, and might spur some to action, it wasn't entertaining to me.

Sentimental dialogue expressing a theme tries to stand by itself as a story. Elements were disguised until the end, so we see that a comet, or something, is coming. Maybe that makes it a complete story. I would prefer a more personal take, something even more tragic to one of the characters personally, if that's the way you want to go.

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

This screenplay earned an EXCELLENT from me.

A couple of comments but, none the less, excellent. I almost don’t want to mention these two things because I truly enjoyed your story a lot.

In a spec script, the dialoge CONT’Ds are not needed. If you use “Final Draft” you can turn this feature off.

The very first sentence struck me as being too wordy.
“A DAD, 40s, competes against his SON, 10, in a match of chess at a coffee table.”
Consider instead:
“A DAD, 40s, plays chess with his SON, 10, at a coffee table.”

Fred Koszewnik (Level 5)

A clever, engaging and heartfelt screenplay filled big emotions. The greatest weakness is that it took me three readings to figure out what was going on. Presumably an asteroid is going to hit the earth in three weeks. (Did I get this right?) I very much appreciated the emotionally charged bantering back and forth between the father and son. But you left out the visual of the impending doom brought on by the approaching comet. This is the key element on which you are hanging the entire storyline and it's merely hinted at in what I found to be an obscure way. Lastly, the screenplay felt extremely wordy. Still, I enjoyed reading your thoughtful and heartfelt work. Continued good success.

Heather O'Connell (Level 4)

I love this interaction between father and son. It reminds me so much of my son.
This was so powerful, the clock moving slow then fast. The dad trying to keep it together for his son. What a powerful message. The dialogue is excellent. Excellent.

Herman Chow (Level 5)

I think others might like this one because there seems to be a lot of subtext going on here, but somehow I didn't quite get it. So the Russians are firing missiles into the States and we have three more weeks to live. So the Dad needs to lecture to his Son about how precious time is?

At first, I thought there's something significant about the second hand on the clock moving slower than usual, but it never got mentioned again. Then the hand moves faster and faster, and by the end, I still didn't understand why it was doing that.

The conversation between Dad and Son was quite amusing though. Marriage, mom being number one girl, plan B, plan C, etc. But sometimes the Dad was a little bit preachy.

Visually, I'm sorry to say it's not that cinematic. Mostly just two people talking during a chess game.

Writing is good. I just hope I get what you're going for here.

GOOD.

James Hughes (Level 5)

You set up a touching moment between father and son, especially on some of the responses of the son. One thing though, is that I think the impending end of the world would change what life advice the father would dole out. The types of things he says would all apply later in life when they presumably won't be around. If this was a story where the father wasn't going to be around for those future years then I would see why he is dispensing those words of wisdom.

Jamie Collins (Level 3)

I like this. It's good to see father and son spending quality time together, even in the midst of an impending disaster.

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

This dad is nothing short of lovable. I guarantee every woman on mp will adore this script. Can't wait to see if it's a male or female writer.
Excellent

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

Good thing about this one is that I never took my eyes off of the page because I wanted to know what it was all about, but then it wasn't that big of a pay off.

Was it supposed to be a 2012 thing? I wasn't really effected by the dad's words, or really take the situation that serious. It could have been set up a lot better. The dad and son should have had names if you wanted me to care for them. The mom calling and explaining the entire situation made me kind of roll my eyes too. Especially since they were talking about the 2012 thing at first.

I'll give this a fair. I really think you should add names and find a way to disclose this information. Oh, and I didn't get why the clock was slowing down or speeding up. Was it all in the father's head or was the asteroid affecting it somehow?

Jem Rowe (Level 4)

I adored this one, it's tone was pitch perfect, you didn't cash in the child for "kids are cute" moments (like so many people do), allowing him to be a proper character, and furthermore, the sentimentality came naturally to your script rather than being forced and fake (again, like so many people do).

However, there was just one thing that bugged me, I felt it ended to abruptly, I'm not saying you needed more plot, but to cut away at such a peaking moment felt odd, something else was needed, just a few lines of action, perhaps they start packing up the ches board even though the Dad knows there's no point in doing so, something to allow us to absorb what's just happened.

"Excellent", although I feel the closing was flawed, I personally prefer this to most scripts I score excellent. Well Done! Keep writing.

-

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

On page 4 you have Mother telling Dad that the WW3 is on the way. Why then Dad has to instruct his son how to live his life? That doesn't piece together. I'd recommend Mother saying that everything worked, no more missle threat but the lab records came in and he's cancer gotten worse. That way him going on would make sense I think. Just a suggestion though.

I loved it in fact. Very good short, very easy to film. Couldn't understand the clock though - what's "slower than typical" and how to convey it to your audience and what relevance does it have? But it's no big deal of course.

Very Good I think. Lots of good advice:)) I'll try to live by it. We all should perhaps:))

Kirk White (Level 5)

ok. I like this. a lot. but I think you shoot yourself in the foot by letting us hear what Mom is saying...it's such a great sweet moment and payoff, but hearing that "sky is falling" narration makes it a little comical. I think you could do more by having us fill in the blanks of what she's saying, if that makes sense.

KP Mackie (Level 5)

Love the sweet sentiment in this story. The choice words of wisdom imparted in conversation by the Dad to his Son are very poignant. The dramatic moments are well written. After Mom's phone call, "Dad clears his throat." Choke.
Like how the humor is interspersed before resuming the serious stuff. Particularly fond of Dad's admonition about not getting married before "age of thirty" and the Son insisting "Yuck, I'm never getting married." The Son sounds exactly like a ten-year-old.
The best part may be the chess game they're playing while there is apparently real danger coming. With a dialogue heavy story, it's great when the actors are/will be given something to do while talking.
Did wonder whether it's a good idea to label the opening scene as a "NONDESCRIPT LIVING ROOM" and refer to the characters as Dad, Son, and Mom. Decided that this story represents "Everyman," so the names are perfect. Excellent from beginning to end.

Margaret Ricke (Level 5)

I love this. I absolutely love this...

You can turn the CONTINUED feature off on your writing program. You don't have to, but it makes the page look a bit neater.

You could edit the first parenthetical down and drop the second completely. The dialogue is self-explanatory in both cases, and you really only need to mention that the mom's voice is heard from the phone in the first.

I think that's it. No, wait... Avoid using words ending in "ing."

This dialogue is so well done... I love the father's advice to his son... I love that you use a game of chess... I love what you do with the clock... You pack so much emotion into this...

This film has to get made. I can see Wes Worthing staring as the dad. He has his own production company and I'm going to suggest he contact you. This will be so low budget to shoot... As long as you get the right actors for the parts, it's going to pack a huge punch on the screen.

Excellent work.

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5)

I thought that was really good. Great dialog and a very powerful and moving story. So sweet yet depressing how the Dad and Mom want to protect their son from the horrible truth. You just want to protect your kids. This had a lot of different emotions in it. Well written too. Very good job.

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

I really enjoyed the chess game between father and son, the friendly competition and the passing on of advice.

However, the conceit whereby the world is going to be ravaged by nuclear war is forced and makes the story feel like melodrama when it's actually better than that. You can still make the point that it's important to spend time with your family with a more subtle ticking clock, maybe even nature itself that will soon part father and son. It wouldn't be too difficult to rewrite it so it was a disease or something more plausible that would leave the son to fend for himself. You could also write it so the father was trying to prevent his son from finding out about his impending death, bringing an element of dramatic irony there.

Martin Lancaster (Level 4)

Brilliant!

This is why I love this site.

The dialogue is excellent, the interaction between father and son, the moments of comedy, the dramatic irony. This is perfect and so, so simple to film.

I've only read a few so far but this should place for sure.

Matthew Fettig (Level 5)

The title works well for this one.

I liked the idea you were going for. I just think it came up a bit short.

It was very believable that the dad wouldn't worry about a meteor strike But the ending just jumped up too quickly since we're told nothing will happen for three weeks. That left me feeling like you didn't want to go deeper into the emotions and instead just stayed with the little quips about how the son should live his life when there was no longer any reason for the advice.

Nicely written for what it was, but it left me wanting more emotional depth.

Michael Berg (Level 3)

Good dialogue, believable. The only thing that threw me was the sudden apocolyptic warning from the phone call. You might want to expand on that. Spot on formatting, nice contained setting. Good subtext in the latter half.

A neat setup between the son's question though and the Mom's phone call. Could make for an emotional short, but maybe a visual cue to what the Mom does would help the audience take in the phone call.

Michael Cornetto (Level 5)

This was pretty good. I definitely liked the idea and the whole death by meteor thing came through clearly. However, I think the call to Mom was jarring and I wish it could have been handled a bit better. There was also one line earlier on, where dad says something like he wanted to tell his son everything before he died, that had me confused because I thought Dad had already died and that he was a ghost. It was my mistake but maybe you could have worded it slightly differently. Otherwise well done.

Michael Hughes (Level 4)

Nice idea, nicely done.
I am trying to imagine how this would work if you don't hear the Wife's dialogue at all, just seeing the reaction of the Dad as he listens to her call. (you'll need a talented actor for this part). If so, would the audience be able to piece together that the world was close to its end only from clues in the opening part of the conversation between Dad and Son?
Not sure how to show the clock moving slowly and then quickly and I'm not sure you intended it to be literal anyway. I think I would interpret the Dad checking the clock as a feeling of dwindling time, not that it was moving quickly or slowly.

Nick Miranda (Level 4)

Overall, well constructed. The piece was smooth and the story clearly defined. The characters were relatable and the conflict easily identified.

Two things got in the way of this story for me. 1) There was very little action. For the most part it was two people sitting around a chess board talking. I'm not saying what they were talking about wasn't important, just hard to imagine in my mind because they were so placid. 2) The sappiness at the end ruined what could have been even more powerful. I was half-expecting the father to reset the chess board for another game, to keep the momentum going. But it hit the wall and fell flat with the overly dramatic ramblings of the father, like some blubbering Polonius.

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5)

Love the advise, love the dialogue, but what the hell is this about?! This makes little to no sense, specially the dialog about the rockets hitting in three weeks, where does this come in?

As random quotes, it works.
As a cohesive story, it doesnt.

Paul Williams (Level 5)

This is more of a dialogue-driven stageplay than a visuals-driven screenplay, although I concede that the chess-game does make for a visual metaphor. And you incorporated the clock, so I might be wrong.

You did create a very prouducable script and I can see an actor shining in the Dad's role. However, if portrayed wrongly, this could come off as melodramatic.

Why not name the Dad and Son? I suppose it's not overly important.

Your screenwriting is excellent. Format overall appears in order. Didn't detect any major typos.

Very Good.

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5)

This is a great premise that ends with a really strong poignant payoff. I like the restraint shown by the Dad and the way he loses the chess game without making it obvious what he’s doing.

I noticed that on page one you didn’t give us much of a hint as to what kind of relationship these players have. For me that made it awkward to connect with the characters and to picture their attitudes as they talk to each other.

“Mom will always be number one.” – I had a little trouble buying this line from a ten year old boy.

Rick Hansberry (Moderator)

Parts of this are wonderful. I loved the message and the intention. I struggled at times with the execution and the style. The opening faltered right out of the gate. As a reader, we only want to know what's important. Is it important that they're playing on a coffee table? Next, the thoughts on paper. Son loses interest. We need to SEE how he loses interest. The next page is pure chat and while it reveals what the film is about -- it ceases to feel like a film because it's just two people talking. Nothing happens and none of their actions reveal character elements. One minute of screen time in a short is precious (no pun intended) - you've got to give us something to watch. The phone call from Mom on page 4 needs to be reworked. If a character speaks off screen use (O.S.) next to their name. Also, make it clear that the voice isn't on speaker and only Dad hears it. Most importantly, don't have her say exactly what she's feeling or thinking. That's on-the-nose dialogue and it's not how people really talk. I really enjoyed the exchange between Father and Son that followed that and I appreciate the messages invoked. There's a lot of good here and you can build from this. I hope you'll tweak this and share it with me after the contest. We need more scripts with a positive message like this. Best of luck. One last small note. Don't need 'The End' after Fade Out.

Robert Hestand (Level 3)

Really enjoyed the concept of this. Thought it could be trimmed a bit to give it more of a "bite" (or even abruptly ended after the phone call for Mom); and I found the dialogue a little on-the-nose. As a twist, it might be interesting to instead have the Dad give the Son ethically irresponsible advice. Again, nice work.

Robert Newcomer (Level 4)

Well, this was a total downer, and unfortunately, I like the scenario better than the actual execution here.

The first dialogue exchange is confounding, even if you read it several times, as I did. It becomes clear later, of course, but you should not totally confuse a reader right out of the gate. This could be tweaked a bit.

After mom has called, however, the scene becomes particularly poignant and effective, but for the most part, dad is not well-served by the dialogue you give him. It seems odd that he would elect to share this series of platitudes, knowing full well that his son will never come of age to fully appreciate them. I mean, why are they not loading up on ice cream or something?

Again, the scenario is great, and I did enjoy the script, and I did understand that dad was just grasping at straws, almost speaking to himself as much as his son. But I would have given dad things to say that seemed more genuine as opposed to clichés.

Very good.

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

My favorite script of the competition. Wow, this would make a powerful short film with the right two actors!!! I loved the simple dialog, the chess game, and the conversation with the father and son. I felt the love they both had for each other.

You really did an amazing job with this. I'm so lucky I managed to review it, there's an hour left until the deadline is up and I wasn't sure I could get to review all of them this time, but I got home and wow... so glad I did. I hope my excellent pushes your score up to the winning place this month.

Great job. This one I'll remember for a long time.

Sylvia Dahlby (Level 5)

I can appreciate wanting to keep the budget low with only 2 actors on set in one room, and while I normally like a good end of the world story - and I think there's a story in here somewhere - overall this is plain dull.

Page one is not grabbing me - watching two guys play chess in a "nondescript living room" talking about nothing... and that goes on for a whole 'nother page. Then on page three we get a phone call? Would have rather seen this from the mom's point of view and create a little excitement (I assume she's working on a top secret mission to deflect the killer comet?). As written I am not feeling it. The mom is the only interesting character and we never even see her. Might help if they actually had NAMES.

And the ending where dad lets the kid win & then lapses into platitudes? We have three wks to live, shouldn't he start planning a family cruise to max out the credit cards or something FUN?

I suggest a complete overhaul. I'd write the whole thing from the mom's point of view to create the necessary end-of-the-world urgency - intercut with the slow moving chess game, as if we have all the time in the world (and lose all the nondescript dialog - yawn) - then end with the mom coming home with news we know she's about to break, that time is indeed running out... and that's the game-changer.

Thomas Lahoz (Level 1)

Really good. The son's personality jumps around a bit; it doesn't seem like he's consistently 10, but given the right actor to play him it could work. I do love the arc of the game in parallel with the story, it speaks loads about the father, especially after the phone call. Hope this helps, and good luck :)

Travis DeStein (Level 5)

I really liked the metaphorical lines with the second hand moving. I thought this was a very cute and clever story, but I wish the ending gave it more justice. To have the dad keep spouting off cliched fatherly advice was just disappointing. Why not something more personal and deep? Something that really hits home? As it is, it all feels very generic/Hallmark-cardish.

Wayne Morrical (Level 4)

Good premise. Nice script for a 5 pager: just a conversation between father and son, with the clock ticking. I like the clock visual. A little more description of the Dad's state would help; for example when he is told the meteor didn't move 'I See' is such a tame response that he must be trying to hide it from his son, describing a head turn, stilted dialogue, or talking about something else to disguise what the conversation is about would help. In general, great job, makes you reflect after you have read it.

William Wilson (Level 3)

To be honest this is the first script i've read in this contest that I have nothing to say thats very in depth or helpful to making this a better story?

I didnt like the chess game as the central piece of this story it was boring?

The cuts between the Dad and clock was pretty well done but the one phone call from the Mom was dumb and i know it said up the conflict but i dont think it set it up very well?

So overall i didnt love this story i didnt hate this story i'm really right down the middle on this script

I Give "Precious Time" a 5 out of 10

Zach Jansen (Level 4)

Non-descript is like saying typical -- it means nothing and doesn't help set the scene.

I like the advice Dad gives to Son -- touching and true and something everyone should hear and follow.

A few clunky lines of dialogue, but it's good overall.

I would suggest losing the mom's dialogue in the phone call and try to fit the (I'm guessing here) asteriod coming in another way -- a newspaper headline or a magazine cover resting next to Dad. Her call should still happen, but knowing what she says just takes away the mystique.

Comments Made After the Contest

Chris Keaton (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 12:12 AM

I gave you an excellent for this one! Nice work.

Elias Farnum (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 12:40 AM

Congrats on the Honorable Mention there. Wow.

Chris Messineo (Founder) ~ 2/1/2011 12:59 AM

Congratulations on the Honorable Mention! This was really powerful. One of my favorite stories you have written.

KP Mackie (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 1:45 AM

Congratulations. One of my excellents for a powerful story.

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 1:58 AM

My favorite of yours so far Wes. GREAT job!

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 5:40 AM

I'm going to have to reread this myself to see why some reviewers assumed it was a WWIII story with Russia shooting missles at us. I tried to imply that it was a meteorite that nations were collaborating to destroy, but I didn't want to specifically mention it as to avoid on-the-nose dialogue. I made this a 2012 story because I sent it to an Iowa contest that specified a 2012 theme with limited charaters/settings. They chose my comedy 2012 story about mutant killer vegetables instead :)! Thanks so much for the comments, negative and positive both as always. Strangely enough I wrote the advice part of this story while waiting at my 12 year old's basketball practice, and on the way home he asked me a question that I could answer with one of the bits of dialogue - it gave me a chance to see how a child would react in real life. Just in case someone's wondering... Margaret didn't know this was my script ;)

Rick Hansberry (Moderator) ~ 2/1/2011 6:07 AM

Love the story behind the story, Wes. Always a pleasure. Thanks for sharing.

Paul Williams (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 2:16 PM

Great dialogue here, Wes. It's one of the hardest aspect of screenwriting (in my opinion) and you nailed it here. Congratulations.

Heather O'Connell (Level 4) ~ 2/1/2011 5:35 PM

This is my favourite. :)

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 6:25 PM

Thanks to all who made this one of their favorites! I took a chance making a simple story during the anything goes month and I'm surprised it paid off.

Sally Meyer (Moderator) ~ 2/2/2011 10:23 AM

Wes, this was my favorite this month. I loved the whole thing. I just absolutely LOVED it!! Well done, and I am surprised it didn't place first.

This is one I'll remember for a long time. Nice work!

(Still reading your rom com, sorry for the delay, my mother has been very ill, I will be getting back to you soon)

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 2/2/2011 8:13 PM

Sally, honestly coming from someone with your talent it means a lot to me for you to say that. I've always thought that if I were told I was terminally ill, I would make a video of my hopes for my children after I leave - like that Michael Keaton film from years back. So I just made a list of what I would honestly tell my kids. It was an internal moment if you will. I haven't read Little Bird yet, but I'm looking forward to it. Sounds like you have more important issues to deal with for now, so I'm in no rush for your review - I'll be excited when you send it though. The romcom has plenty of innuendos given the premise, but I mostly held back from making it crude :)

Thanks again!

Sally Meyer (Moderator) ~ 2/3/2011 5:59 PM

Seriously, this was one of my all time favorites since I joined the site. It had that poignancy that is rare, because it wasn't sappy. And I liked that it was father and son, because men don't often share their feelings. (Don't all jump on me for that comment).

Yes for now, I'm hanging by a thread, but I will get to it. I've read about a third and it's fun and funny. I'm waiting to see how it all 'turns out' LOL.

Heather O'Connell (Level 4) ~ 2/4/2011 4:09 PM

I agree with Sally. I thought this would be the winner for sure.
:)

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus) ~ 3/7/2011 9:57 AM

Wes, I enjoyed this very much. Great dialogue... and I'm right with Caroline, this would make for an amazing radio drama -- and a great short film, close-ups on the hands and moving pieces.

Wonderful work.

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 3/7/2011 4:18 PM

William, thank you. Plans are to shoot this, so I hope to enter in the MP film contest later this year.