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"Good Ol' Times" by JeanPierre Chapoteau ~ Honorable Mention

Logline: A retired Super-Human wants to relive the past, even if it's just for one night.

Genre: Drama - SciFi

Cast Size: 6

Production Status: In Production

Contest: Karma (Dec. 2010)

Contest Scores
PoorFairGoodVery GoodExcellent
0%5%41%32%23%

Comments Made During the Contest

Abel Zerai (Level 2)

This read very smoothly and wasn't really jarring until the bad turn of events. I feel that was the intention so I'm able to accept the story as is, but the boy dying for holding a convenience store up is doesn't add up. If the contest was "karma" there should be something that merits such an outcome. The dialogue was well written and transitions were done well. The best way for this script to come alive would be to start earlier in Bo's life or end it later after the convenience store.

Ayal Pinkus (Level 5)

The title is okay, but not stellar. It pronounces easily, and it is what the story is about, some wanting to relive good old times. But it is a tad generic. Something like "The Forgotten Hero" or some such?

The first block of action mentions a reporter questioning a superhero. I think you need to write down in your screenplay what they say on television? Who else is but the writer is going to come up with that otherwise? Or is the television in silent mode?

I like how the story starts, with an 80s ex superhero. Fantastic premise to start from! What's an elder superhero like? I want to read on!

You keep the suspense as the rest of the world doesn't seem to remember him or the Green Team.

The fantastic twists keep coming. He does have superpowers. It turns out he is the bad guy, he uses his powers for bad things. This is a great payoff to a couple of earlier setups, like "Kept you flatfoots employed back in my day."

Really well-written, the sentences sing, the dialogue is excellent.

A full story in there, from inciting event to (ironic) climax, where the protagonist gets to feel alive one more time, just before he gets arrested.
Wonderful screenplay!

Bill Clar (Level 5)

Bo has his old costume in plain sight in his house? Wouldn't he hide it?

An interview on tv is the impetus for Bo getting the team back together? That's not strong enough. Devote a few lines to the interview. Have the superhero be modern and let them pay tribute to yesterday's heroes that paved the way. Have him say something emotional to spur Bo's spirit and nostalgia.

"A quick orange BLAST". Blast from where? His eyes? Be specific.

I like the twist that Bo is a villain. Still, the murder of John in cold blood doesn't quite fit his character. He cares about his teammates, Loretta, his reputation, etc. He's not a murderer.

Brian Howell (Level 5)

I wasn't too sure at the end what Bo was about. I guess he is a criminal, and so was his Green Team, but did he also have superpowers? It seemed like it the way he threw the kid and exploded the other's face with his bare fist, but that's kind of why I'm a little confused...

Anyway, this is GOOD. It wasn't anything that jumped off the page to me, but there aren't any glowing weaknesses either. The action and description is fairly succinct, and flowed nicely.

Brian Wind (Level 5)

This was awesome. Nicely formatted and paced.

Cool, creative story with a nice twist ending. I don't have any constructive criticism here. This was top notch. Excellent from me. Well done!

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

black light? I don't understand this.

I felt the opening was written in too much detail - eye movement, every step he takes. That started the story off on a downward note. It picked up a lot once he met the policemen and the youths.I loved the idea of him taking out his wife's costume in the car!

I thought the twist of him being a robber was good - I didn't expect that - but I couldn't get his motivation to be arrested. That rather spoiled the ending for me.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

This was awesome!

I love the twist, a villain out for one last strike. You managed to merge a great story, action, and character study all into one little five page short. I especially love the images you choose - they all pack a real punch.

About the only thing I don't love is the title, it's okay, but I think there could be something stronger.

Anyway, your craft is excellent and so is this script.

Dan Delgado (Level 5)

This sort of opened like "The Incredibles" and I guess the twist was that old Bo was a member of a gang of supervillians instead of a group of superheroes. In a five-page story about three pages are spent on moping. I got the point I just wanted to move on a little faster. And I got the definite idea that wasn't a five-page story, but instead the beginning of a longer one. Bo wants to get arrested for some reason, I guess, but I don't think we got to the reason before the five pages ended. It might be an interesting story but, in my opinion, I don't think we're there yet.

Thanks for entering. I gave this one a rating of "Fair".

Denise Jewell (Level 5)

Nice job. You built up the story well, leading me in the wrong direction, so I was surprized by the end. A few confusing points - the first line you say "Bo, 80's" and I assume you mean 80 years old, then you say "superhero from the 60's" which I assume means the 1960's. Because they are similar and used so closely together, it was confusing.

Also, Bo being in his 80's is a little hard to picture. Perhaps adding some of his movements being very slow or having a hard time reading or something that helps visualize his age.

The mis-direction works with the writing being sound. When he said "Kept you flatfoots employed back in my day" I was confused for a second, but not enough to stop. So when I got the reveal, it was a nice realization as to why he said that.

The formatting seemed a little crowded, but not enough to really distract once I got into the story. Good job.

Elias Farnum (Level 5)

So, I think I'm rooting for this "superhero" to find some kind of self worth in his old age, and then find he was the leader of the super villains. Well, you succeeded. I thought he was the good guy right up until the reveal.

Somehow, it seemed a bit disingenuous, and vague with a generic superhero reference, the abruptness of this long history feels less realistic. Maybe what I'm trying to say is there is no set up for the existence of heroes, or villains to begin with. He's already there, and old. A short cut in your set up to get to the twist. Man, a majority of entries I read in every contest seem to put more emphasis on the twist, and trying to hide it. A cool, or compelling twist is a good angle to have, and it works with the theme, perhaps the monologue makes this harder than it really is.

I couldn't get completely behind the main character, Bo was just a bit too stereotypical in his angst, but was a great psycho. I really enjoyed that.

There is an underlying theme, and your writing was crisp. No trouble with the read itself. Not that bad all in all, I can even say good.

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

The timeline on this story confused me. In the very first scene, Bo is watching a television interview. But, from the way it is written I didn’t realize that he was watching something from the past. Later in the story, when Bo said, “Haven’t talked to you since, when was it? ’96”…” Then I realized the timeline was different than I thought.

Also on page one: “His smile starts to fade.” I would suggest that the word “starts” is not needed. Just write, “His smile fades.”

Fred Koszewnik (Level 5)

I don't think a screenplay can get any better than this. A masterpiece of writing. Tightly written, mostly visual with a minimum of necessary dialogue. I wish some of your talent would rub off on me. Congratulations!

Heather O'Connell (Level 4)

I enjoyed this very much. The mood in the beginning was sad, an old guy who has lost all his friends. I had a suspicion he wasn't really a super hero. I like the twist, the head smash was pretty shocking, and that kind of gore didn't really fit with the rest of the piece. The end was fitting. Other than a few typos (Bo's hoist to his feet), this was really good. Also, if he is inside the car, I think it should be INT. CAR.
I like it that he had real powers. I was expecting one of those celebrity dress-up guys.

Herman Chow (Level 5)

I quite enjoyed this. I didn't expect they were actually robbers because you've misdirected us enough. The superhero interview in the beginning, photograph with the cops, stopping the robbery.

However, some of these misdirections don't make sense to me. If we see the photo with the police in the film, we could've seen the gang being roughed up and handcuffed or something like that. So the twist would've been given away already. And when does the entire police force take photos with a captured robbery gang for newspaper?

Secondly, why would Bo pretend to stop the teen robbery? I guess Bo doesn't want the teens to get all the money? Or he just wants to kill people to that "feeling" again?

One thing that bothers me is Bo smashing John's head into bits. I'm not talking about the explicit violence here, but the tone. Before it was all a drama, about how Bo is too old now to do what he wanted to do. And then this became some cartoonish/video-game like scene. I'd just have Bo throwing John away or something.

Writing and format is pretty good.

Let me take a guess at who wrote this. Hmm....JP, is this you?

VERY GOOD.

James Hughes (Level 5)

This had one of the best twists for any of the 5 pagers I've read. I did not see any of it coming. I like the story a lot. The part where his partner doesn't remember him was good. Talking about the speed limits enforced more now. the cop telling him to move along. It was all good.

You get the reader to connect with him even when he's causing destruction and you realize who he was. You are happy for him when smiles in the police car at the end. You did a good job making us like your character.

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

I can see this as animation. Kind of a mix of Mr. Incredible and Carl from "Up."
Sad ending. Goal clear.

Jem Rowe (Level 4)

I thought this was "good", but would have been far better if not for the confusion of tone and mood when the twist hits. As soon as the teen's head is crushed I become lost, no in terms of plot, but rather in how to feel. I can no longer feel whatsoever sympathetic for Bo even though that's the feeling this script has been nurturing. Your twist certainly pulled the wool over my eyes and generated a good deal of shock, but I can't say this shock is effective when it doesn't seemed to be used for anything other than simply going against the readers expectations.

John Piazza (Level 2)

I enjoyed this story from start to finish. I was drawn to Bo almost immediately - a sympathetic and likable old codger longing for his younger action-packed days. The costumes and notebook with only one number remaining under the black light was terrific. I especially liked the phone call to Richie - the dialogue was well-written. I also liked Loretta's costume on the seat beside him in the car. There was more action than talk,it was fast-paced and there was no dead space - all the action and dialogue moved the story forward. I'm not quite sure if the "Green Team" were vigilantes because Bo took the money - unless he took it for the sole purpose of getting arrested,then it all works for me - if not,then maybe I'm missing something - it wouldn't be the first time. All in all,"Good Ol' Times" was well-crafted.

Justin Orkin (Level 1)

I liked it. The clever twist was well set up. My main issue though was that it had a slow start. For short stories like this, it's usually expected to start off with something more than just the character looking nostalgically around his room and calling someone. It would've been more active right away if maybe he started outside the house, hoping to meet his former team member. Also, I'm not sure what the orange blast was.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

I think it's a pretty good one but I couldn't understand two moments:

Why would Bo be a woman sometimes? Was he Loretta when he was younger and when he was doing super work? --which leads me to a question if Bo is a man at all.

Another question is - why to take the money with the intention of going to jail? I mean I know why but his decision to be jailed could have better reasoning.

But... this is very finely placed, the dialog is very good, I really cared for Bo and I understood what he did that for - he wants to unite with the police... (still getting yourself into the jail is not justified enough) but...

I really liked it overall and think it's a very nice story.

Kirk White (Level 5)

I like this...nice twist on the genre. I'm thinking it takes a lot of time to set up your story and that you could probably condense all the nostalgia stuff into one page...which would give you and Bo more time to play!

KP Mackie (Level 5)

Love the title and the sentimental nature. Particularly like Bo talking to Loretta's pink and green costume throughout. Not a necessity since the story works well without her, but it's sweet and adds another layer.
The 7-Eleven robbery might need a little tweaking. May not be important for the three "tough teens" to have names, especially since their faces are concealed and they don't dare address each other while committing the crime. Bo's dialogue works but the crooks' may not be needed, especially John's. His "sorry" and subsequent pleading doesn't contribute substantially. Ken points a gun and thrusts a bag at the scared Cashier so his message is clear. His comments to Bo are good, but might be more effective shortened to a single line zinger. John's exploding head and carnage all over the Cashier seems excessive; Bo's a frail guy in his 80s and the Cashier requiring cleanup isn't required information.
Minor suggestion -- Could be awkward for Bo to carry that "framed photo" (envision it in an actual frame) under his shirt. Perhaps he could retrieve the photo folded (not in a frame), hand it to the Cashier, and she would reveal it.
Like the twist at the end -- turns out that super-hero Bo is really a crook. Clever.

Margaret Ricke (Level 5)

The title is okay, but a little mundane. It might be bothering me because the story could be about anything. See what others say, though.

I really liked the phone conversation from Bo's end. Very poignant, and a great acting opportunity for some old gent.

I'm not crazy about Bo's voice, though, or his conversations with the empty outfit Loretta. Those take on a creepy quality I can't put my finger on at the moment. I don't know if it's me or the way it's written... I'll read this again at the end of the month and see if it hits me the same.

The scene in the 7-11 caught me totally off guard... Definitely not the twist I was expecting.

This needs something more and, again, I can't quite put my finger on what's missing. I'm marking this for a re-read...

I'm back...

Bo talking to the Loretta's empty costume is just plain creepy. I'm not marking down for that because I think it's intended. Part of it is the voice you've given Bo, though. It's hard for me to hear him, and nothing about how he talks makes me care for him at all.

This has a fun twist and a lot of potential. If I'm not the only person who makes some of the above comments, I hope you do a rewrite...

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5)

I liked this. Nice twist at the end with the Green Team being bad guys not good guys. I think it could be shortened a bit though. That might add some tension...make it more exciting. It dragged just a little bit.

Nice idea and well executed. Very Good job. :)

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

I like how you took the idea of the ageing superhero to its extreme by having an elderly superhero. The twist was good as well, there were hints through it that I picked up but it was still a surprise and shocking.

Bo's dialogue became grating after a while, and having him talk to Loretta's costume felt a little forced, making it harder to empathise.

Still, this was a good story and thrilling to read. Very good.

Matthew Fettig (Level 5)

A lighthearted title for a fairly violent story. I'm guessing you chose not to use Green Team in the title.

I liked this quite a bit. It was a nice twist on the superhero concept. The pace moved along well and you created a decent amount of interest early on for Bo as a forgotten senior citizen superhero (villain).

There just seemed to be a little something missing. I'm not sure if it's the mood that's not quite there? Something just felt a tad flat. Maybe some wordsmithing could tighten it up a bit. Maybe you could cut a bit from the driving/reminiscing scene and the scene with the cop, and try to add a bit more to the lonely mood of the piece.

All in all, it's a fun story. I gave it a VG.

Matthew King (Level 2)

That was awesome! I love the moment he bashes the teens, and suddenly we realize he's not exactly the superhero we thought he was! The use of the police photo was brilliant. A great little concept for a script of this length, and could be a cool beginning to something longer.

Michael Berg (Level 4)

Unless they are characters in the scene, I don't think you need to capitalize them if just being noted in the description. (ie the framed newspaper article)

Review the proper uses of ... and --. When illustrating pauses in dialogue, be consistent.

Be more direct in your action. Instead of "she looks at what's on the counter." Simply write "she looks at the framed photo."

ON THE PHOTO

A headline reads "...."

I liked the story twist, though it was a bit fuzzy. I had to reread it several times before I understood what you were intending.

Good use of diverse and visual action words.

Michael Cornetto (Level 5)

That was quite good. Reminded me a bit of something I've seen before only I can't remember the name of it. I thought it worked pretty well for a short, only thing is I wish he didn't explode the thugs head, it kind of made him less likable.

Michael Hughes (Level 4)

I enjoyed this story, nice misdirection too, I was sucked in thinking he was the good guy. I really have no negatives at all. I might have made the fight even more over the top to reinforce the superhero evilness of it all. Maybe when Bo throws Ken, he could throw him straight up and have Ken crunch half way thru the roof and hang there. I did like the image of John's head "exploding like a watermelon". Again, nice job.

Morgan Sun (Level 1)

Great story with great characters. Was kind of confused with the part when Bo smashes the kids head and it explodes. Does he have super powers or something? Some of the dialogue was a bit cheasy in parts. But overall I like the turn of events. But personally wish I could have connected with Bo more and liked him in the end.

Nick Miranda (Level 4)

I was entertained by this story. It was well-conceived and nicely written. The character of Bo was easy to understand and his motives were clearly outlined.

I actually found the ultra-violent moment refreshingly brutal for a piece like this. But it rang a little too much like the recent adaptation of "Watchmen" for me to consider this all that original. True, this was told from the perspective of the bad guy, but I still felt the influence of the other story behind it.

I found myself wanting to know about who the characters were when they were younger, as in their costumed names and powers. It might have also helped to have some kind of phantom for Bo to talk to--one the audience can see and hear, as kind of a sounding board. It would make for a nice dichotomy if Loretta appeared as her younger self talking to the older Bo. Just my thoughts.

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5)

A well written story with a unique take on the superhero genre, yet with it's false misdirection shoots itself down.

Concept:
I like the idea of an old supervillain picking up the job again, missing his life. I think at first it's pretty interesting how it all ticks. You are never sure if he's the real deal or not. Maybe just some crazy guy. A supervillain trying to do his final job sounds good.

Execution:
Unfortunately it all comes crashing down here. The main portion is interesting. It's mysterious that people don't remember him on the phone. Then he suddenly decides to save a supermarket from some robbers and it seems that it's all superhero stuff, but then HA! it turns out hes actually the villain.
So answer me:
- Why are the apprehended teammembers SMILING on their photo. Do we just assume they are demented? You realise this is bad misdirection right? You write smiling, I picture them smiling. Not sarcastically, not grinning. I picture them smiling, happy. If they were grinning evily visually, your twist wouldn't work, so your misdirection isn't visual, it's in the text.
- Why does he feel the sudden need to hurt those teens and THEN try to rob it himself? Wouldn't it been easier to steal from them when they had succeeded? It's just for show, so he could get caught...okay.
- Why does the other guy not remember him?
- If he can shoot Orange blasts and let heads explode, why does he let himself be caught?

Title:
Doesnt really fit the genre and it's a little bit too obvious.

Writing:
Good, but like I said, the misdirection destroys the credibility. Which is really a shame, because I really do want to like this. It's in a genre I like and I like the twist on the old originals, it's just not well executed.

All the longing stares work though, at the empty seats and such. I get the empty feeling and you are a good writer. Now need to work on the details of your story.

Overall:
An okay concept would have been fine if executed normally, but because you felt the need to twist it, it actually changed into something less. Shame really.

Biggest flaw: Bad misdirection.
Best aspect: Well written main-character.

Paul Williams (Level 5)

I thought this was great.

Bo starts out so likable and identifiable. Him connecting with his past and heading out into the present night were so funny.

It felt a little easy with him overhearing where the teens were gonna go do their robbery, but it's no big deal for a story like this.

It got a little graphic when Bo was beating up the teen gang and almost messed with the tone, but it's also fine, in the end.

Then the ending was great and put this all together. Well done.

Your screenwriting is very good. Format is in order. Didn't detect any major typos.

Excellent.

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5)

This is a solid if downbeat story with an effective twist.

This reminded me a whole lot of Watchmen, which as I recall has some similar old superhero stuff in it. You’ve added you own twist by having him be a bad guy though.

Rick Hansberry (Moderator)

Fun romp. Fresh take on a premise. The opening was compelling and set a nice tone. Bo had an original voice and the piece moved a nice clip. The three teens confrontation was well done and I sensed the arc your were going to complete. The top of page 5 shook me a little. I wasn't ready for the transition when you said "She drops her phone and bag of money.." I just couldn't picture what was happening as it played out. The 'She' only references didn't work. I caught what you intended by the closing but it didn't feel complete. I can tell you struggled to shorten this to 5 pages and maybe something got lost in the edit. Still, I thought it was a good script with the possibility of being Very Good if the last page were reworked a bit. High marks for concept and presentation. You have a nice visual style.

Robert Newcomer (Level 4)

In the absence of a logline, I will say that first sentence grabbed my attention and engaged me.

You also create a nice bit of tension, as we are left to wonder about Bo's mental status -- whether he is merely lonely, or a bit unhinged, and we worry about him. Nice job there, as well, if that was your intent.

And then you give a nice reversal of our expectations. This is a fine script.

My only real problem is the exploding head. I know why you are doing it, but it is an over-the-top moment that does not fit well with the overall tone of this script. A snapped neck or something like that may be more appropriate.

Very good.

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

YES~!~ It's 9 p.m. on the last day of the month. I hurried home to finish reviewing the remaining 8 scripts and I'm so glad I got to read this gem.

It's perfect from start to finish. I loved it. An easy, poignant, charming, wonderful read!

There is one typo. "Borris is hoisted up"

I love Borris, I love the set up, the middle, the end, the whole dang thing.

Well done!! I'd love to see this made!!

Sylvia Dahlby (Level 5)

Awesome. Fabulous fun, great character, and unexpected twist. Very visual and I could totally see this in my mind's eye. EXCELLENT and methinks a winner.

T. James DeStein (Level 5)

I really liked this. The twist was legit and didn't feel forced or unnatural. The story as as a whole flowed organically, nothing felt contrived. Great characters and dialogue. Excellent job!

Wayne Morrical (Level 4)

Nice Job. Moved well and I didn't the end coming. Good description of Bo in the open as old frail, longing for the past. At the 7-11, I wasn't sure what the organge blast was (gun, superpower?) and then at the end, if Bo had some kind of powers, why did he fall to his knees to get cuffed? I would picture him leaving the scene as a start to his crime spree, or doing a death-by-cop suicide. Overall great work!

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus)

Enjoyed the juxtaposition, very much so -- but this line confused me, "Kept you flatfoots employed back in my day." If you want to keep the twist unknown until the end, I would change this line. Having the reader assume that Bo is a superhero should be kept throughout until the reveal, more impact and doesn't stop the reader dead in his/her tracts thinking that something is up . That line adds confusion to an otherwise superb script.

I might also rethink the exploding head, but that's more preference than anything else. It felt out of place as far as the villain is concerned. If he so readily and without thought destroyed that life, I'm sure he would have even been even more violent when younger which makes me question how he is even out of prison in the first place.

Well done, enjoyed it a great deal.

William Wilson (Level 3)

Wow I must say i actually really enjoyed this story until the twist where "Bo" smashes the kids head like a watermelon and it turns out he was the bad guy all along, I really enjoyed when he was the good guy but the second he turned bad the script to me didnt make sense after that?

If he was bad the whole time why would he wait for criminals to steal something first so then he could steal the same thing from them?

I Liked it up until the twist and for that...

I give "Good Ol' Times" a 5 out of 10

Zach Jansen (Level 4)

Nice twist -- I honestly didn't see that one coming.

But is Bo really superhuman? I don't understand how he was able to "explode" John's head. And giving the thugs names kind of threw me off. I think going generic -- LEADER THUG, SMALL THUG, FAT THUG, TALL THUG, etc. -- would have worked a bit better, especially since they weren't given any descriptions.


Comments Made After the Contest

Chris Messineo (Founder) ~ 2/1/2011 12:35 AM

Congratulations on the Honorable Mention! I thought this was excellent. My favorite script you have written so far!

Herman Chow (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 12:53 AM

Ha! I called you out again, JP.

I voted Very Good on this and I enjoyed it very much. Keep it up!

Brian Wind (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 1:15 AM

1 of my 2 Excellents this month! Well done JeanPierre!

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator) ~ 2/1/2011 2:11 PM

Thanks Chris. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

@Brian, I'm honored! Thanks man.

@ Herman... I laughed so freaking hard when I read that! How can you tell? What do I do to give it away? Is it what I write about or how I write?

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5) ~ 2/1/2011 2:14 PM

Hey JP, congrats on the HM. Your concept was good, but the whole exeuction of the ending threw me off. Do you mind answering the questions I posed in my review? I'm not sure if I'm just missing things.

Double congrats on being a Level 5 now.

Zach Jansen (Level 4) ~ 2/1/2011 4:53 PM

I second Paul's comment. I was with you the whole way, but then a lot came rushing in at the end. It is a great idea and I was convinced Bo was a hero the whole way.

Heather O'Connell (Level 4) ~ 2/1/2011 5:30 PM

Congrats! :)

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator) ~ 2/1/2011 6:58 PM

@ Paul - You are so on point when you made the smiling comment. I will definitely change that to GRINNING, because this would actually work and is what I pictured in my head. The villains could have been grinning in the picture for a number of reasons and it didn't have to look sinister, therefore making it a visual misdirection.
- The spotlight is completely on them.
- They are about to break out of the cuffs in a couple of seconds.
- Someone just called them "despicable" and they all found it funny.

But the word definitely should have been grinning, not smiling. Thanks for that.

"Why does he feel the sudden need to hurt those teens and THEN try to rob it himself?"

His focus wasn't really on the money at first, but on the actual boys. Before he saw them, Bo said how the Green Team temporarily needed some new blood. So he essentially went inside to see if the boys were tough enough to join him, but when they proved otherwise, he just killed all of them (a tad more graphic in original) because they didn't meet his standards. The money was conveniently there, so he did what came natural to him. Take it.

"If he can shoot Orange blasts and let heads explode, why does he let himself be caught?"

He wanted to be recognized again as a villain. He wanted to "matter". Killing them and robbing the place wasn't enough. He had to get caught to get the full affect.

"Why does the other guy not remember him?"

He had Alzheimer's disease.

I hope that helped clear everything up. If not, let me know the holes in my explanations.

@ Zach - Yeah, he was a superhuman, and that's how he smashed the boys head, threw the boy over a counter, and did the orange blast, which I consciously wrote to keep it a slight mystery in what exactly it was. (laser vision)

I really didn't figure whether he was superhuman or not would have been a problem, but you're not the only person who asked. Very strange...

I actually did have them as "Leader Thug" and etc. but it took up too much space. So short names worked out just fine. I'm aware that they are irrelevant.

@ Heather - Thanks!

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5) ~ 2/2/2011 4:06 AM

Alright, clears it up for me! Thanks for answering man.

Always love the topics you write about, very close to my own topics.

Herman Chow (Level 5) ~ 2/2/2011 7:42 AM

JP, I really don't know what gave it away. Maybe the topic chosen, but not so much about the writing style. I re-read it and found out that's how I write as well.

There were several people who called me out this time around. I also wanted to know what gave it away.

Do you think it's a good or bad thing that people can recognize your script?

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator) ~ 2/2/2011 5:52 PM

@ Paul, I've noticed that too, and to be quite honest, I decided months ago that you were my favorite writer on here. I absolutely love your work.

I actually told my wife about your submissions and how I would have written the same thing if I came up with the idea. I aspire to be on your level one day, no joke. :)

@ Herman - I actually like that people can point it out. I just hope it's not in a bad way. You have to have a "voice" in the business and if people can spot your work, again, for the right reasons, you're on the right track.

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5) ~ 2/3/2011 8:20 AM

Wow, thanks for the amazing compliment JP. I'll try to keep you amazed. I feel next month's entry will be my one of my best yet. Hopefully it will connect again.


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