Comments Made During the Contest

Bill Clar (Level 5)

This is a remarkable story despite the one location. The contrast between Mel's sadness and Caden's hope really pulls me in. It's like a war between my emotions.

The ending is a great twist, but without being forced. It fits will with Mel's motivation to protect his son's innocence.

My only critque is the title. The word "thick" seems to clash with the thought of a window. You could omit it or replace it with something that flows better.

Great job!

Brian Howell (Level 5)

This was beautiful. You have managed to paint such a large story within the confines of five pages and the confines of a concrete box. The characters are very strong and real. I don't know how long they have been down there, but I know it's been a while. I really feel for the father. He's lost his wife and he's trying to keep his sone sane and full of life and hope.

This is a very sad situation that the father is trying to shield his son from. Most likely they will die down there, but the father will be certain his son still enjoys the last bit of life they have. This evokes the same feeling that "life is beautiful" did. This gets an EXCELLENT from me.

Brian Mark Churchill (Level 3)

The writer has written the story beautifully. In the end I am left with the feeling that I want to know more about what is happening: a sign of a good story. (SO, I DO WANT TO KNWO MORE WAHT IS HAPPENING IN THE STORY: WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM THE WRITER WHAT IS ON HIS MIND).
The story is lovely, and the writer has an ability to write a good craft.

Brian Wind (Level 5)

There were no errors in formatting or typing that I noticed. The pace is nice and quick.

The characters are well drawn and the twist was very well conceived. I didn't see it coming at all.

I really don't have any constructive criticism for this one. It was really well done and I didn't notice any room for improvement. Great work. I'm about halfway through the reviews and this is the first Excellent I've given out.

Added after I finished all the reviews. Actually, this is the one and only Excellent I am giving this month. Great job and good luck! This deserves to place.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

Loved this! Very much. My first Excellent.


The room is lighted - lit

It looks modern, but is grimy and worn like an antique - so it doesn't look modern?!

The serif's the same at the top as the as the?

Charlie Hebert (Mod Emeritus)

Excellent work, very well written except for a couple of typos that were mildy distracting.

This is very engaging. I want to know more about these characters and what has happened, as well as what is going to happen when the food runs out.

Love that the window is a painting. Was wondering why there would be a window there. Very clever. And love the reference in the title.

Really liked this one. Great work. I will remember this one.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

Simply amazing script.

I love the characters, the dialogue, and the story. But mostly, I love how tenderly you tell the story. Every detail matters.

Beautiful and excellent.

Dave Kunz (Level 4)

This works very well as a study of insanity. Your heart really goes out to Caden who has clearly suffered a lot at the hands of his slipped-over-the-edge father. And the twist at the end with the view from the window being nothing more than a painting really hit home. I enjoyed having to fill in the blanks as to why Mel went over the deep end. I also liked the fact that you didn't make Mel all (seemingly) good or 100% evil. Would have liked some sense of hope for Caden at the end of the story; as is, it feels like innocence trapped with no hope for escape. All-in-all there is some very effective storytelling at work in this piece.

David Birch (Level 5)

i'd try to write more in the "active" voice...saying something "is" this or that is not preferred to saying something "does" something...so when you write the, "the room is lighted"...you might want to change that to "fluorescent lamps light..."...try limit the similes and metaphors..."like a beaten dog"...they usually flag a writer as being lazy or unimaginative...(not that you are, just that, that's how readers react)...the story was okay...it seemed to lack enough backstory to really convey the emotion of the characters to the reader...what were their motivations?...instead of "burning" all the space in choreographing every single movement in the room (pg. 5) you could have been telling your story..

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

What a wonderful story and screenplay that has clearly earned an EXCELLENT. Only two comments: (1) The word “bible” should be capitalized: “Bible.” And (2) On page 3, Caden’s dialogue has an error. As written: “The Serif’s the same at the top AS THE as the “n”…

Herman Chow (Level 5)

I think this is pretty nicely done, although a few more explanation dramatically would give us a more well-rounded story.

I'm assuming there's some kind of pandemic going on outside, Mel's wife (Ginny) is dead, and now Mel and Caden finds refuge in an underground bunker.

And this script's overall goal is to illustrate the desperation and oppression felt by the characters given the situation they're in. If what I think it's right, then you've achieved what you wanted to achieve. Mel's crying over the broken easel says it all.

What really got me is the last bit where Mel changes the picture that looks like a window. That I didn't see coming.

Your writing style is unique. There are some asides but I'm not bothered by them.

VERY GOOD.

Jayaram Sanaran (Level 2)

This one had a glum feeling to it throughout...
May be thats a reason why i could not enjoy it much !
And it leaves me with a lot of questions... how did Ginny die ? Why are they inside that bunker ? Why wasn't Caden allowed to come out ? Almost no food left, why ?
I understand that there is some kind of a situation outside... but still... may be i would have felt better with more detailing !
The piece did manage to make me read the entire thing though.... The whole description of the garage was quite good ! It was realistic

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

Nice pay off although I was able to figure it out before hand simply because I knew the monthly challenge requirement.
I like that you showed us how emotionally fragile the characters were.

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

"the room is LIT by several..."

I think you should have mentioned everything in the room in the beginning. Because I thought it was bare, but then you mentioned an easel and chair, and now a Large box.

A-mazing! This was great. Ooh, I can hear the complaints now "what happened? I wish you explained what happened" It doesn't matter! Something happened that forced them to hide out in a cellar and that's all that matters.

Excellent script. From the dialogue, to the descriptions. I want to know what happens next! Will they ever get out? When will Caden find out the picture is fake? I need to know these things!!

Haha. Again, excellent script.

Jem Rowe (Level 4)

Wow. Weird, creepy, sad, and absofuckinglutely brilliant!

The tension was painful, the pay-off devastating. If anything you really evoked my emotions, I felt frustration to the bone even over the broken easel.

I had to suspend my belief pretty far to buy the fact that the painting looked realistic enough to fool the audience and characters, but what can I say, I liked it enough to overlook this unlikelyness, and now that I think about it again, it could just go to show the severity of the son's deteriorating mental state. I say 'Excellent' :) :) :) Well Done.

Jordan Birch (Level 2)

I feel that the first page of a script is really what sets up the moment of where I want to continue to read.

In the opening sentence you use the word gray three times to describe a concrete bunker the size of a car port. Instead, don't use the word gray at all. We know what concrete looks like.

When Mel paints a woman's face onto an old shirt. How is the woman's face; is it ugly, crude, sloppy, or is it beautiful and youthful?

Restrict yourself from using words such as: Like or that. Cut the fat and get the point across. Below is an example of how cutting small words can add to the dialogue.

Caden: If the trees...
Mel: What?
Caden: Maybe it's time we--
Mel: You know better.
Caden: I was just thinking.
Mel: Back to your work.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

This is very well written and very sad story.

Gina passed away, right? Did she have the same thing the boy has? If it was the same thing and you could somehow, unobtrusively, let us know - it would leave great impression I think. --just a suggestion.

I wonder what it can be that he can't go outside because of it...

I think it could make a great short story. Very heartfelt. But on screen I'm not sure.. Good - yes, great - I don't know, it's all very subtle and almost poetic to me.... Both miss Gina and stuck in that garage and there's no way out of their misery...

KP Mackie (Level 5)

Interesting and well written story that would look great as a movie. Inexpensive single scene with two defined characters. The description of their "claustrophobic world of concrete the size of a one car garage" is riveting. Gave Caden an unusual past time; "meticulously" copying individual letters into a book margin.
Caden's comment to Mel about "the serif" seems a bit technical for a nine-year-old, even if he is a serious bookworm type. A few passages that cannot be seen on a screen actually contribute to the reading: Mel "lost in a memory" and his tears, "too many for the simple accident." May be able to omit "as though he's asked this a million times before"; Caden's next dialogue about the condition of the trees is clear. A couple of minor tweaks: In Caden's dialogue about the serif, "as the" is repeated twice; "the cardboard box" wasn't mentioned before, so should probably read, "a cardboard box."
Really like that there is no explanation about "Ginny" or the apparent catastrophic event occurring outside. The surprise presence of a "drawn painting in a gray frame" for the window and the various paintings that fit inside the window is terrific.

Margaret Ricke (Level 5)

This is so poignant. Beautifully told. Well thought out...

Excellent work.

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

I like how you established the mystery very quickly on the first page of what had happened to this world. I was very glad to see that, by the end, you had decided that it wasn't important, and what was more important were the human relationships.

When Mel loses it with Caden, we lose a bit of sympathy for him. Maybe his reaction is understandable given how important his paintings are to him, but he does later say Caden is more important. I feel like there's definitely a moment where Mel realises this, but it's a bit hidden, and only by the end do we see that it's happened.

Very good.

Matias Caruso (Level 5)

I liked the twist at the end... the window being just a painting... clever.

Got to admit that these slice of life pieces are not my cup of tea, but I think this one was very well written.

This should do well.

Michael Cornetto (Level 5)

This was excellent. I don't have any complaints. It was a complex deep story written in the simplest terms.

I didn't really get it while I was reading it, then the ending really got me.

Well done.

Narrative *****
Dialogue *****
Character *****
Story *****

5 * out of 5 *

Millar Prescott (Level 3)

Bloody good! Great writing. Interesting. Loved - "CADEN (9), thin, pale skin of a bookworm." Very visual. I really felt the claustrophobia inside the bleak little space. I don't know what else to say. Dialogue fantastic. Great subtext. All in all, very well done. I don't throw out 5s at all, but this one is the first and deservedly so.

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5)

Really (Very) Good here. This is the stuff. I was surprised and enthralled andit's really simple too. Really easy to produce. I think this will get good responses across the board. Love the painting-window thing.

The only thing I'd prefer to change if it was a little tighter, that we could stick with these characters just a bit longer. It's so short now.

Great story here, hard to really add to.
Just try to put in a few more scenes here. Love the twist though...

Paul Williams (Level 5)

I think I get most of what's going on here, but without the "why?" to it all, it does limit my overall enjoyment of the piece.

Is Mel tricking Caden to remain with him in the bunker so he won't lose him like he lost Ginny?

This has similarities in theme and tone to O. Henry's "The Last Leaf."

Your screenwriting overall is good. Format appears in order. Didn't detect any typos.

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

This got one of my few excellents this month. The story is compelling, deep and poignant. I loved how you created this world, and the father who is trying to bring some light into his son's life.

The only parts I didn't like, was the anger that Mel had to his son, I do understand him blowing up when the easel got broke, but Caden's reaction seemed to indicate that Mel was a volatile person. If I get mad at my kids, they don't cower.. (and I've been pretty mad at some of my kids over the years).

I would definitely tone down Caden's reaction to his father's anger, it just makes me feel that all is not well in their relationship.

Maybe that was your intent, maybe another layer? But I somehow don't think so.

The story was heartbreaking and very very good.

Well done

Scott Merrow (Level 5)

Really good. (Kind of like "The Road" in a bunker.) I love surprises (especially good ones), and the surprise about the window was great.

But...it's still kind of a thin story. As it's written, it begs too many questions. And I don't mean the usual ones, like what happened to the world, what happened to Ginny, etc., etc. I'm talking about questions like this: their food's almost gone, so they're gonna die anyway, so why NOT go out for the glue? And, why DON'T they have glue? They have food, they must have water, so there was some planning involved -- but they didn't pack up some glue or string or tape or something they could use to rig up an easel? Weird.

These are small things, but they kind of make me scratch my head in a story like this. But, they're SO small that they don't spoil the story or anything. I really enjoyed it.

My score: VERY GOOD.

Shane Shearer (Level 4)

The story is good and i like the idea of it all, but i'm left wondering what just happened and i'm given no hint at all as to what that is. Obviously the boy was deceived, but what's the story here? it's just a scene out of a larger - and seemingly excellent - story, one i wish i could read entirely. so, as a script, i think this rules, but as a five pager in a contest, i don't think it will fly. Very Good.

Stephen Brown (Level 5)

I thought this was very nicely written, everything flowed really well. Great characters with a lot of back-story adding to the subtext. The twist at the end was also really well played.

My only criticisms - small as they are - is that I thought this was maybe too big of a story for five pages. I would have liked to have known more about the world around them. What would the view through the window really be? Does Mel even know what's outside? Maybe it is safe. He never moves the grey frame to look out the real window or maybe he used to but doesn't anymore. I think that is an angle you could explore if you did want to extend this.

A big question that was left unanswered for me was 'What is Mel protecting Caden from?'. For me, that question can't be left to the reader/audience. You already have the unanswered questions of - 'What happened to put them in this bunker' - 'What happened to Ginny' and 'What is the world outside really like' to leave the audience with to work out for themselves.

This is a very good script but I just feel there are too many unanswered questions to give it top marks. Great work though.

Sylvia Dahlby (Level 5)

Excellent! Compelling characters, great dialog, sad & atmospheric story - and I love sardines. Imaginative and first rate treatment of the picture theme. This has got to be a winner.

Teo Gonzalez (Level 4)

I confess that yor story is not my cup of tea.

I like very much the fact that the window of the bunker is a painting Mel has painted, and he changes it to keep the illusion of hope for Caden.

But I cannot forget a number of questions that keep repeating in my head:

Why are these two in the bunker? To me, something has made the outside world unlivable -call it nuclear warfare, greenhouse effect, etc. Apocalypse type kind of thing.
Why does Mel get in such a rage when Caden causes the easel to brake? I don't know. An easel is most certainly not indispensable to do a painting.
Who is Ginny? Maybe I'm mistaken about the reason Mel and Caden are in the bunker. Maybe Ginny can grant three wishes that will get them out of there.
When Mel says "How'm I gonna to make another... Ginny, I can't do it... I can't
do... I can't...", why exactly does that mean?
Does the letter "g" have any particular significance? My guess is that it is some sotr os peace-pipe, but that is just my guess.

I'm not saying that every question has to be answered in a story; but if you are going to leave unanswered questions, you should be able to make your readers look the other way when the elefant crosses the room. I don't think you've accomplished that here.

Still, I appreciate all the effort you ahve put in your writing. You get a good from me, and my very best wishes.

Tim Ratcliffe (Level 4)

I thought this was good for the most part. Not exactly sure why they are in the bunker, I'm assuming some sort of nuclear fallout has made the earth uninhabitable?

The textbook Caden has is described as looking modern but being grimy and like an antique? How can it be both? So does Caden know the window is actually just a picture, or is Mel doing it to fool Caden and give him some hope? I wasn't too clear on that part.

Overall it's a solid effort, good job.

Travis DeStein (Level 5)

Sorry, I don't get it. I think the drawn window is extremely unbelievable. And I couldn't figure out from your story why exactly the father did such a thing. This story was written very, very well, but the story just wasn't there.

Wes Worthing (Level 5)

I'm really loving the premise of the thick window being a painting - very unexpected. Unlike a mostly complete story ending subjectively, you've given us an entire story that can be subjective over every scene. I have no idea what's going on. Sometimes I enjoy stories in which I don't know what's going on, but this leaves too many questions:
Where are they?
Why are they there?
Who is Ginny?
What's up with the trees?
Are the trees themselves dangerous, or do the trees change, reflecting the dangers of the atmosphere?

This comes across as more of an art film; and there's nothing wrong with art films. If this isn't an art film and there is a distinct story you were hoping I would get, then the story fails. If it is an art film and it is whatever the reader gets from it, then it's a success.
Here is my interpretation:
Mel is psychotic, and he is holding his son, Caden, in a fantasy world shelter to hide the fact that he, Mel, killed his wife, Ginny, who's body is inside the house. Caden is excellent at writing fonts because he hasn't much else to do and Mel forces him to do it. Mel paints as a form of therapy, and the moment Caden broke the easel we get a glimpse of Mel's anger, the same anger that led him to kill Ginny.

Overall the writing style is brief and mostly concise. The characters and setting is unique and original. That lack of definite story is irksome, but tolerable.

Comments Made After the Contest

Tim Westland (Moderator) ~ 7/1/2010 12:04 AM

Looks like May is your month, Kyle. Congratulations on another 1st place win. Well done.

Sylvia Dahlby (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 12:04 AM

Congrats! Not surprised ;-)

Chris Messineo (Founder) ~ 7/1/2010 12:06 AM

Congratulations on First Place. I truly loved your script.

Charlie Hebert (Mod Emeritus) ~ 7/1/2010 12:09 AM

Top notch. Congrats.

Michael Cornetto (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 12:26 AM

Nicely done Kyle. Great story too.

Sally Meyer (Moderator) ~ 7/1/2010 12:28 AM

This was amazing! I loved it. What a wonderful night you're having! Many many many congrats.

Brian Wind (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 12:30 AM

Wow, my favorite actually won for a change! Great script KPJ! My only Excellent this month! Congratulations!

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 12:51 AM

Congratulations Kyle! If this doesn't get produced....

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator) ~ 7/1/2010 1:05 AM

Nothing much to say here. Just perfection.

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 1:23 AM

Congrats Kyle! I'd love to read your interpretation of the story - was I even close?

Brian Howell (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 2:00 AM

Simply amazing Kyle and Congrats on the baby! I just read Wes' comments - he brings up something I never thought of. I would also like to hear your interpretation of your own story. Well done!

Margaret Ricke (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 8:37 AM

All I can say is Wow! Kudos.

Jem Rowe (Level 4) ~ 7/1/2010 8:49 AM

Just loved it! My favourite of the batch :) Well done.

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 9:03 AM

Please ignore the questions I have about the trees, I wrote that I was reading the script and forgot to take those questions out after I read the entire piece. Congrats!

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 7/1/2010 11:23 AM

You made me like a drama. Even some oscar winners fail to do that. Very nice job. I knew this was gonna place. Congrats!

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 7/2/2010 10:17 AM

I'm really overwhelmed by the support this script received from all of you writers whom I admire and respect. Thank you all!

I wrote this as an experiment, never dreaming it had a chance at placing. Character studies almost never win MoviePoet's highest honors, especially when they tend towards art films which leave so much unsaid.

Ironically, the script happened to be a Tick-Tock. :)

I'm hesitant to give my own interpretation of the script, even though Wes and Brian asked so nicely. The whole idea of the experiment was to allow the reader's automatic sense of genre take the script in a personally imaginative direction to inform the backstory and probable future events. The hope was that with this story, the reader (viewer) is as involved in the events as the characters are, if that makes any sense. Amazingly, it seems to have worked, since Wes' "interpretation" is so different from Tim Ratcliffe's, yet they could both be plausible explanations.

Now, you could say that's just a cop-out: "Maybe Kyle never had something in mind, and took the easy way out by slapping something together. That's cheap writing." No, there's a very specific backstory that I came up with. In fact, there's no way around it: you have to put in the arduous backstory labor in order to create layers of real characters. But yet if I write down the "official" backstory and future events, then it'll lock the script into a particular direction, which I'd hate to do.

This also explains why I don't plan to expand this short into anything longer. Anything more would define the story too strictly. Now if you guys disagree, I'll consider tossing out bits of the backstory. For example, I know Sally didn't understand Mel's anger, and she makes a perfectly good point. It's explained in the intricate backstory... but to give away the backstory is to eliminate the subjectivity and "art" I was going for.

I hope that all makes sense without being insufferably arrogant. Thanks!

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 7/2/2010 7:16 PM

He was mad because they are running out of food and he hasn't told his son that they aren't going to survive - my interpretation. Congrats on the birth of your daughter!

Herman Chow (Level 5) ~ 7/3/2010 7:56 PM

I liked this very much, Kyle. Congrats.

Travis DeStein (Level 5) ~ 7/5/2010 9:04 AM

So I read this two more times. I mean absolutely no offense, but I'm still just not feeling it. And my review looks so laughably out of place it's embarassing.

Blah.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 7/5/2010 3:13 PM

Not a problem, Travis. Fortunately, there's no requirement that you bow down and adore my script. :)

Travis DeStein (Level 5) ~ 7/5/2010 3:27 PM

There should at least be a requirement that you don't look like an idiot in the reviews for a script... Like me.

Wes Worthing (Level 5) ~ 7/6/2010 7:01 AM

Travis, Rarely is there a month where I gave a very good or excellent score to all three top finishers. There is almost always a script that I gave a good because I just couldn't picture it.

Jose Batista (Level 5) ~ 7/7/2010 9:55 PM

Kyle,

I didn't get to read this one during the contest; sadly, I couldn't finish them all this month. I'm glad your script won. I read it twice and was moved both times by the trouble the father went through to keep his son hopeful while he tries to hang on to his sanity and not lose whatever strand of hope he does have left. The story had alot of human substance to it, if that makes any sense and, while simple in setting and plot, it is full of strong emotional content and subtext. I pictured myself and my son in that bunker while reading it. I feel that of all the scripts I was able to read, this was also one of the best uses of the picture theme. Excellent work, man! Keep it up. Also, a big congrats on your newborn. Lots of blessings.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 7/8/2010 3:44 PM

Wow, thank you, Jose. High praise!

Tim Westland (Moderator) ~ 7/8/2010 3:50 PM

Kyle - beautifully written and conceived. A well deserved 1st place.

I would say that Sally had an excellent comment re: Caden's reaction. Perhaps if Mel had the same level of anger, but Caden was more... disappointed/sad... as if this is not the first time he's gotten a bad reaction from Dad and it won't be the last. But by having him cower, it implies he feels threatened. However, if that's what you were going for, I'll shut my gob.

After reading most of the reviews, I find myself perplexed by those who comment negatively regarding "not having enough info about what happened outside".

Uh... something bad. Duh.

Doesn't matter what happened... that's not the story. The story is all inside the garage/bunker and inside their heads and inside their relationship. I hope nobody marked you down for not providing information that they, themselves, should be coming up with in their imagination.

As for "character study"... geez, that's beyond me. I just see this as a poignant, wonderfully written, emotional, touching story. I don't need to look any deeper to respect what you've done here.

Congrats again.

MJ Hermanny (Level 5) ~ 7/8/2010 6:52 PM

I read this a couple of days ago Kyle whilst in the middle of reading The Road and was struck by how it could so easily have been a paragraph from that book which I finished today. I think my reaction is coloured by the other material - I so saw Mel & Caden as the man & boy - specifically whilst in their breather in the bunker and wonder if you drew inspiration from Mc Carthy's novel or if my timing was just pure coincidence!

Huge congrats.

how's the little one?

Well done my friend.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 7/9/2010 9:03 AM

Thank you for the comments, Tim. I appreciate the read and the favorite!

MJ, I've never read or seen "The Road", so I wasn't inspired by that material. I thought that the comparisons might be inevitable, though, because of the father/son storyline, and I was actually surprised that there weren't more comments about it initially. However, since my intent was to try to let the reader's imagination play a role in the story, it sounds like yours did! Thanks a lot for the read.

She's sleeping right next to me and making cute little infant noises. :)

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 7/11/2010 2:29 PM

Okay, I just watched "The Road" last night. A wower of a film, by the way. Wouldn't you know it, they had a bunker scene, just like MJ was talking about! No way I could have predicted that. A movie called "The Road" should've been about a road, not a bunker. :)

It's funny that I'm drawn to the father/son relationship so strongly, considering that I don't have a son. Naturally, I do have a father.

Jay Rodriguez (Level 0) ~ 8/5/2010 3:41 PM

Great script! Really good job! Looks like a script that would be a blast to shoot too!

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 1/12/2011 6:16 PM

This script is now in production! Deeply looking forward to the final result.

Herman Chow (Level 5) ~ 1/12/2011 10:26 PM

Congratulations, Kyle!

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus) ~ 1/13/2011 10:01 PM

Kyle, congratulations on being in-production. Excellent news and I look forward to seeing the film.

I am biased to the original, however. Absolutely loved it. Were the changes in the rewrite due to production?

Matthew Fettig (Level 5) ~ 1/14/2011 12:26 AM

Kyle - I selected this as one of my favorites. Good luck on the production. I'm very interested to see the finished product.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 1/14/2011 6:39 PM

Thanks, guys.

William, yes, the rewrite (which is still in progress) is due to production and the vision of the director. Naturally I'm also still a fan of the original, which was, in a sense, entirely my work, but it's also been a fascinating and educational process to be a part of my first collaboration with someone else's desires, visions, and story directions. I'm starting to understand why some people like Tarantino, Shyamalan, and Stallone decide "The hell with it, I'm gonna write, direct, and act in my own stuff", but I'm also beginning to understand why their solo efforts end up so flat and lifeless.

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus) ~ 1/14/2011 7:02 PM

Good luck with and I hope that it retains your vision.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5) ~ 1/16/2011 1:07 AM

Congrats Kyle! Can't wait to watch it, very curious about the final product. I remember filming YouKiller - I wanted to add couple of scenes which had to be filmed by the third person (camera man) and according to the script she's supposed to film the whole movie herself... Philip advised against it and I then realized that I got hooked by his vision of the story in the first place. So I decided to stick to the original and very happy that I did. --just thought of sharing.

Looking forward for your movie!

Michael Berg (Level 3) ~ 1/21/2011 11:00 PM

I like it. Not sure I understand it all... there's a lot of subtext, maybe too much.
Everything, and I mean everything in regards to suspension of disbelief would hinge
on how well the painting looks to the audience. Sure it's one thing to believe a character believes the painting's a window, it's quite another if the audience doesn't. So hopefully that can come across in the movie well.

Heather O'Connell (Level 4) ~ 1/22/2011 12:09 PM

Great story. It is loaded with emotion. I'd love to see the film.
:)