Comments Made During the Contest

Aaron Scott (Level 4)

Hmm.... Well, it was only one page, which I can get over but not sure why you wouldn't utilize your pages a bit more.

Not sure if this was a satire about homosexuality or politics or both. The only real thing that connect the two is the word "straight" and the fact that he is publicly announcing that there are lies being spread about him.

Aralis Bloise (Level 4)

This is definitely one of the most original stories I've read for this theme. Reminds me a bit of something that would be on Robot Chicken. I'm not 100% sure how a rubber band can bend a banana tho....can't the other bananas see the rubber band? I was a bit confused by this.

Bill Clar (Level 5)

Your idea is original but it's not a story. The press conference could be the end scene in part of a five page story, but by itself it falls flat. Throw in some other banana characters and use the full five page limit to your advantage.

Brian Howell (Level 5)

Well it is a striking portrayal of current and past political figures - most, if not all of them - as hypocritical and arrogant.

It is short.

My only real hiccup is that it is so dialogue heavy. It does play into the political theme and how it's like politicians use a lot of words at times because they like to hear themselves talk.

Part of me had this feeling that this was written almost in mockery of this website and the contest. I don't know if you were serious or not. And you know what, I kind of like that. The website caps the contest at 5 pages - you write one! The contest requirements were to bring an inanimate object to life - your entire script is about one inanimate object. It's sort of brilliant, but can you see where I sense a little mockery? I'll be straight - pun intended - with you, I'm not offended, if this is mockery.

I'm voting VERY GOOD. It put a smile on my face.

Brian Wind (Level 5)

Wow, that was a strange script. I think you need to trim down or break apart some of the longer paragraphs of dialogue.

The gay/straight parallels are obvious, although I'm not sure you really nailed the point that I think you were trying to make. Instead of seeming profound or poignant to me, the script was just absolutely bizarre. A straight banana calls a press conference to declare address allegations that his curve is fake. There's really no story there, just an overt gay/straight parallel, but I really didn't take any moral away from this story.

A nice effort. Very creative, bizarre script. Write on.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

Good title!

Good for you doing a short short - even more skills required.

I loved the idea of it. I loved the ending with the rubber band giving way ... but...somehow, I felt in need of something more. I think it was because we saw no consequences to his deception?

It would make a great animation.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

This is a very funny and clever little satire.

I like that you kept it tight and didn't overplay your joke. This would make a very cool animation.

Well done.

Dave Kunz (Level 4)

Funny idea. But the "strictures" portion left me a little confused, I wasn't sure exactly what you were satirizing at that point. And then the ending also felt muddled. I think you could have found a clearer way to get that final gag across. But definitely a few funny lines.

David Birch (Level 5)

i thought this was a clever take on the premise...needs a tad more to be a story...as it is, seems like a terrific scene...

Dexter Williams (Level 3)

The idea of a talking banana is fairly amusing and appealing. Unfortunately, this very short script makes the mistake of making a talking banana sound rather boring. This is by far the worst short script I have read, and I definitely would not recommend it for any reason.

Dusty Fincher (Level 3)

Okay, I shall admit. You got a giggle out of me. It was definitely an outside the box type of story and you get points for making me smile. I did enjoy all the word play in the speech and just the mental image of a banana squirming like a politician caught doing something naughty is just weird enough to be kind of awesome.

Elias Farnum (Level 5)

Well, that was quick. I don't know what to say really, it's just a speech by a banana, that's it. No story. A clever idea needs a story around it.

Hit us with a story. Although funny, this doesn't stand alone, or even based on a one liner.

You have ability, maybe I missed something, but I look forward to better here.

Elisabeth Dubois (Level 4)

lol,
Short but sweet.
this could be entered in the one page script contest.
I did expect the end as it was really too short to think anything else would happen.
Good try.

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

Rather amusing story for the assignment! And all in one page, too! I enjoyed it. My one comment is that for one page there is quite a bit of dialogue. Would have liked to have seen some action.

Herman Chow (Level 5)

LOL, this is a very good one-pager! I hope people won't give you a low mark due to the page length.

I loved the banana. What he says is not at all what he actually is. A good trickster.

You managed to deliver the setup (banana's initial speech), progressive conflict (the rubber band loosening), and the resolution (he's straight) in such limited space is impressive.

Furthermore, this is hilarious. VERY GOOD!

James Hughes (Level 5)

I like that you did a one pager. However, rather than a rich story that was packed into one page, the story seemed to fit the one page. I would have liked a little more to the story.

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

Funny and original!
Lots of clever tongue-in-cheek dialogue there.

It might be good to clearly state who the audience at the press conference is - all bananas, variety of fruits and/or humans?

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

I would have enjoyed this more if it wasn't for the blocks of dialogue. You should have broken this up, adding nervous gestures in between. This was funny though. Short too.

I'll give you a good.

Jem Rowe (Level 4)

While this is a good short, I think the idea needs to be expanded. The ending became apparent to me about 1/3 of the way through, but I assumed you would continue the story beyond the obvious and fundemental basis of the banana being a liar. I think the story needs to go somewhere the audience won't have thought of, then it'll be much more interesting. At the moment the story could be summed up into a single line of "Confucius says" morality, give us a little more to play with and think about.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

It's entertaining. It's very easy to come up with something like this - this a joke on one page. Kind of seems not fair to others who try to put together stories...
Short story is fine and this one was certainly entertaining but still...
Very good for a one pager, maybe you should have saved it for later, for a one-page contest...
Good from me.

KP Mackie (Level 5)

A funny idea, a straight banana pretending to be bent. A couple good chuckles in this short short. Love the obviousness of the title.
Might want to condense and string out Banana's confession. There's a little repetition. Some conflict would help -- maybe Banana hires a gorgeous PR Banana and lies to her. She introduces him at the press conference and supports him, only to find out he's not living an "authentic life." Perhaps clarify a bit how exactly the rubber band connects and makes him "bend"; it's a bit fuzzy.
Would make a terrific commercial for Dole...

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5)

For a one page script (and I'm glad you chose to keep the joke to one page), there was a lot of talking. It's basically a press conference, I know, but you want to make sure you don't lose the viewer's interest before you get to the punchline.

In this case, since the point of the script was so obvious, the twist reveal was equally obvious. The preachy-pejorative play on words with "Strictures" and "Scriptures" took all the suspense out of the ending, since the author's intended moral was clear. So I'm not sure how surprising the ending is supposed to be. In a one-page script like this, the shock ending ought to be a wower.

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

It was short, but you managed to pack in as many banana and bentness puns as you could.

The satire was spot-on if a bit obvious after Banana's second paragraph. There weren't really any deeper layers to it.

Matias Caruso (Level 5)

Pretty clever and fun to read.

As the story progresses, the ending becomes more and more obvious. Perhaps you could find a way to forshadow this outcome without giving it away?

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5)

A sketch more than a story. I do find it humorous, but it's too short and only relies on a single jokes. Banana Republic was great though. Don't know what else to say, funny visuals, but desperate need of a bigger story. You only used a single page, which can be great in some cases.

Paul Williams (Level 5)

Some of you guys are crazy (in a good way).

Could work maybe as an animated piece.

Funny and brief. Thank you!

Pia Cook (Level 5)

I don't know. This one was more like a political parody and I didn't really see anything come alive. The banana was already alive. Maybe I misunderstood the challenge. Sorry, but this one didn't do much for me. :-/

Rick Hansberry (Moderator)

More of a skit or a funny-or-die video clip than a short film script. The challenge was met by bringing the banana to life but we don't see any arc in that character and it's really a one-joke set up. This could play well as a video clip on YouTube but it never felt like a film script and there's not enough here to engage me or even make me laugh all that hard. It's a clever concept but the parody is very thin and needs more of everything in order to work. Consider expanding it to a debate forum and have other objects interject as moderator or reporters. The fun could be expanded to more of a pixar or stop-action animation film. This didn't work for me as presented.

Ron Hooker (Level 4)

This was a very cute script. I loved the political innuendos and how the "truth came out" at the end. Very creative.

I would have liked this script to be just a little longer. I think you could have fleshed this out a little more and made it even funnier. Still, I liked it very much.

Scott Merrow (Level 5)

A very cute (and a little bit poignant) satire.

But very thin on story. I know, it's only one page, but that was your choice. You coulda made it longer. As it's written, it's really not even one page, because the whole story's really over when you realize that the whole thing is an allegory of the trials and tribulations of a gay politician. And that realization occurs no later than Banana's second block of dialogue -- halfway down the page. After that, we have a good idea what's going to happen...and it does.

So, that's why I say it's pretty thin on story.

But, it's still clever and cute. And a fun read.

Check out:
http://photos.ellen.warnerbros.com/galleries/whats_wrong_with_these_photos#64731

My score: GOOD.

Shakira Gerald (Level 1)

I thought this script was really cute. It wasn't anything that really caught my attention but the idea was really creative.
My only real feedback would be about the setting. I wish it was developed a bit more, instead of just saying, "Hey, here's a conference room." But overall I liked it.

Shane Shearer (Level 4)

Well written. Could maybe use a little more set-up with the banana coming to life. Like one shot of a bunch of bananas in the produce section of a Giant Eagle somewhere in Des Moines. And then we come closer and closer until we see this is what is actually happening underneath this massive mountain of yellow fruit.

That'd be pretty cool. Everything else would've flowed right from that. Very good!

Stephen Brown (Level 5)

A difficult one to review really. Cute idea and it raised a smile but I don't really think it's a full story - more of a skit.

The banana is straight but trying to conceal it. Why? Is he running for Leader of the Banana Party or something like that? I think you need to show why it's important for him to be bent and what he stands to lose.

Obviously he is a VIB - Very Important Banana. So we know he has his reputation to lose but I think it would be a better script if you upped the anti. Maybe Bananas have an importance to humans in this world and MR. BANANA here is there 'poster boy'. If the truth gets out about his 'straightness' then the entire banana race will crumble.

Cute, but not really enough to the story for me. Still GOOD though for making me smile :)

Teo Gonzalez (Level 4)

This is a very funny story. Having the possibility of going longer, I would have liked to have a little more background, though, I admit, that would be only for my amusement: The story is pretty good as it is.

Something that I would change is the end. I would break the last block of writing on free standing sentences, although that again may be just my taste. If I bring it to your attention is because I think that having that paragraph broken into single action sentences may make the ending more dinamic. Somehow, I feel that all of that action put together clutters it own flow. I know that you may be aiming for a single page script, but I really think that the story would improve if you take care of that. Thanks for the fun and good luck.

Thomas W. Brown (Level 4)

Nice, a satirical piece about irregular fruit laws (European or otherwise - I'm still not sure if they were/are real, or only a myth). This reads like a Far Side or Perry Bible Fellowship cartoon, which is always good thing. Overall, I like the commentary and the hilarity. I hope that others get the reference. Cheers!

Comments Made After the Contest

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5) ~ 5/9/2010 4:21 PM

Thanks for all your comments.

I should explain that this was written before the contest was announced so I wasn't being deliberately flippant. My first draft of this was about a page and a third long and I knew it could be shortened, so I figured I should go for the one page version.

It's interesting that several people see this as an animation. My initial thought was that this would be done using a real banana held by magician's wire (or a hand from underneath) at a mini podium wearing a cloak borrowed from Barbie's boyfriend. Obviously the ending would require a visual trick of some kind.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5) ~ 5/9/2010 4:27 PM

Philip, I think this one would score very high if it was submitted in a one page contest (I'm such a square:))
I can see it as both animation and the real thing act. It would be equally funny both ways, I think.

Teo Gonzalez (Level 4) ~ 5/21/2010 10:04 AM

I've left a month to go by. I've read all the reviews. I've reread your script.
I still think it is very funny. Thanks for the laugh!