Comments Made During the Contest

Aaron Scott (Level 4)

I feel like you could have just ending on the coin being flipped at it being heads.

I like the lady death character. I don't like the pregnancy, but it does give the lady death reason to take two people down.

But why would Nicole give her life and her baby's life for Jack. Didn't make sense to me.

VERY GOOD.

Bill Clar (Level 5)

The opening scene has no header.

The story is very good and very suspenseful. The main drawback is the extent of your descriptions, ie: "Badges gleaming on their belts", "ancient carriage drawn by griffinlike creatures with demonic wings", etc. Descriptions of such length are distracting.

For example, the opening action sequence is long, disjointed, and confusing. Combine the first and second paragraph, shorten it, and throw in some commas. Try this, "Blood red chips, stacked high, bright, alluring in the colorless gloom."

A script does not have the same attention to detail that a novel has. That is because the director will ultimately decide the look and feel of the story. He or she may go with a different color palette and use muted colors instead of bright, blood red chips or glistening gun barrels.

I'm guessing that you can free up almost a half a page by shortening the descriptions. That's another half a page you can use to introduce Lady Death earlier and build more suspense.

Brian Howell (Level 5)

I like it. A definate story arc. I think the baby thing was a little over the top, and kind of came from nowhere.

In your action lines, I don't particularly like how you would use "as..." to indicate the action continues. Most of the dialogue is voiceover, so I get that the action continues. I just think it got in the way. It's a personal choice.

I also don't think you need to refer to the table felt. You could just call it the table - most will understand gaming table surfaces.

I really like "post coital bliss", and the thugs using a coin flip to determine who lived and died.

I think my least favorite thing is Jack's last voiceover. I'd much prefer this to end completely visually: The rain. The roadside casino in the middle of nowhere. The stark color of the neon sign and the fire. I see this film as very stylized, a la Sin City and some Matrixy slow motion. A really distinct coin for the thugs, maybe the casino owner's ratty face.

I really like your story and your style. EXCELLENT

Brian Wind (Level 5)

I liked this script. Written and formatted well. Pretty cool story. My only real gripe here is that I felt like there was a lot crammed in to the 5 pages and it'd be better suited as a 7-8 page short because it felt a little crowded. Maybe you could slim it down a little bit, or after the contest, expand it, but right now it's a pretty slow read. Slow read or not, it's still a cool script though. Nice work.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

"a fine woman that doesn’t belong here yet acts like she does." - sometimes your descriptions are a little hard to fathom.

Not entirely sure about all the VO though it IS backed with interesting visuals.

The Owner shakes his head no - AAAAAAAARGH! WHEN DOES ANYONE EVER SHAKE THEIR HEAD YES??!!

However, this is impressive. I did have to read it three times to get it all and sometimes felt it could be too stylish and slick for its own good.

I think what least engaged me were the characters - they didn't seem to possess nuances or depth, were very monotonal to me. Does this matter in a largely visual piece? I don't know.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

Your craft is flawless.

Reading this felt like I was watching a movie - a great movie.

I wish there had been a hint of the supernatural element earlier in the story - as it comes as a bit of surprise when it happens. But that is a small complaint in a great script.

Very well done.

David Birch (Level 5)

betted should be "bet"...some things were well written...maybe overdone on the voice-over...too much attention given to the stylized flipping of a table chip...really doesn't add to your story much...okay in a shooting script, but when you're only getting 5 pages to tell a story, every line is precious and should be devoted to moving your story along...but some things to like...nice try...

Elisabeth Dubois (Level 4)

Great story, didn't even notice the 5 words until I read it again. VERY well infiltrated into the story.
Loved it Well Done!

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

Found myself thinking in the middle of the story that the VO should be Nicole’s but I changed my mind by the end of the story. Nice twist at the end.

A few comments follow.

“Chips fall down helplessly…” I would cut the word DOWN because it is redundant.

“Among them sits NICOLE (30s), a fine woman that…” Suggest that the word THAT be changed to WHO.

I felt that words ending in ING were overused. By eliminating most of them your writing will be more active.

I think SLEIGHT should be SLIGHT but I’m not sure about it.

Herman Chow (Level 5)

I know who wrote this after the first page. Your story-telling and craft is, as always, excellent. No complaints.

I liked how you weaved the entire story and events (there is a lot of events here) into one continuous stream. It doesn't feel choppy at all.

Also liked the supernatural and fantasy elements with Lady Death.

EXCELLENT.

James Hughes (Level 5)

The best part was the card game dealt by lady death from the part where jack says "the fuck I do" to the part where he says "I wish she could finish that sentence". That was the best part because it was the only time I got lost in the story. The rest of the script was so over the top with direction, cutting, some cliche imagery that I couldn't become absorbed in the story. It felt like you should have forgotten about writing the 5 page script and made the short instead because it was like the finished film was being described to me. The story was good, I just couldn't get into it because the style stuck out too much.

The images of the black cat prowling the felt and the shot from above the whirling ceiling fan were too cliche for me. I would have liked to see something more original.

James Pombrio (Level 2)

Hi,
Interesting story. Very much a film noir buff I'm sure. I can never take that stuff too seriously, probably because of too many years of listening to a Prairie Home Companion. That said, it was very well written. I liked your parallel symbolism between the game of life where he loses Nicole in a card game (the house always wins again).

On a technical note there were a couple of things I noticed. Try to be consistent with your verb tenses. I don't have the script in front of me at the moment, so I'll give an example from something that I'll come up with right now.

Conventional --- Nicole stacks a pile of red chips.

Unconventional -- Nicole is stacking a pile of red chips.

The conventional one is more active, and, what most spec scripts should use.

Also, the opening imagery. Powerful. But, there is no slugline. Also, a cat in a casino?

Good luck.

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

Tail not tale.

Very good story! High stakes and I like how you took us up close to unexpected places like Jack's sleeve and the flipping of the coin.

I'm not crazy about the final line. I do think something a bit more witty can come from Jack.

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

"Hit me with his belt and with some good piece of advice." Nice line.

Okay, well there are too many amazing things you said for me to quote on, so I'll just say, this is my favorite script by far. I still have eleven to go, but I loved it.

The only thing I had a problem with was Jack's last words. I didn't get them. What Mirage? Did Lady death make him think it was a dream or something?

Anyway, other than that, this script was phenomenal. I'm definitely making this one of my favorites.

Jem Rowe (Level 4)

Wow, this was great, but what really struck me is how very dense it seemed, I had to triple check that it was five pages since it felt a lot longer.

How well thought out too, I find there's a lot more meaning to be gained on the second read through, the opening voice over "Death is a woman... of the worst kind. And she likes to play. I once made a bet with her. Betted everything I cared for" manages to sum it all up without giving any of it away, crafty. Oh, I just noticed "Betted" should probably be "Bet", unless this is intentional, but Jack seems like a smart enough guy to use correct grammar.

Your transitions between scenes are very specific, this is necessarily not a good or bad thing (though they were handled very well), but instead shows me you have a flair for direction as well as writing.

Also, I didn't even your inclusion of the criteria words, they must have been perfectly melded to the story, well done there.

Mark my words, this one will place, it shows some seriously advanced writing and is rather intimidating to me as a fellow contestant :S You easily earn an "Excellent" :)

Joel Davis (Level 5)

This had a lot of style to the storytelling. And for the most part it was front and center in the dialogue and the characters, not the action. Good work, there. I liked how the scenes flowed into one another, very smooth read.

I would have liked to establish the fantasy elements in the beginning, maybe feature Lady Death on pg1 somehow so it's not disorienting when it takes a turn into fantasy.

It felt a little overcomplicated with all the coin flips, bets, reversals, and surprise pregnancy. That probably would have played well in a longer script, but it felt like too much going on for just five pages. Still, the material was strong and well-crafted. Nice work.

Jose Batista (Level 5)

An Excellent piece. Very filmable and taut with tension throughout the entire second half. The characters were all very well voiced and Jack's voiceover carried along the story well enough, although you could have also done it without the voiceover and it would have worked well too. However, I see what you aimed for and it worked. The scenes are threaded together in a fine weave, transitioning with great match cuts from one to the next, especially the intro cut-scene with the blood-red chips and the cat...genial.
There is alot of potential here for either an awesome short or a thrilling feature. I wish you the best in exploiting its potential. Cheers on a fine entry and for such simple, yet well thought of uses for the theme elements.

Kevin Carty (Level 4)

Voice Over. Hmm... didn't really need that. Lady death character seems sort of bland. I kinda think I'm noticing a pattern here. The writing is good but the script just seems a bit indulgent.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

I got it all in two reads. I understand the irony here - she played them the way they did the house.

Very nice writing - seems like you calculated all the shots. Reminds me of Brothers Bloom. Great transitions. I'll read it several times to learn from you.

Don't Let Her See had better flow. This one - lady Death is kind of unexpected. But I admire the way you packed so much in just five pages - Jack's whole life is there. And it was such a fast read. So snappy.

I can't compare you to you therefore Excellent.

Thank you for the read.

Kirk White (Level 5)

Very good! Well crafted, tight flowing action and not a second is wasted. Very stylish piece that would look amazing filmed. I am giving a Very Good and not an excellent because I felt the voice overs were a bit of a crutch...they add a bit of poetry but also keep you from really engaging in the story...since our protag is a spectator in his own tale, watching from above, we never fully jump inside. I think you could tell this same story to greater effect by minimizing some of the VO's...not ALL...just some of the ones that are redundant. For example, we don't need the VO when we're in the casino manager's office with the cops. the visual tells the story.

KP Mackie (Level 5)

Concise and well-written noir story.
Characters of Jack, Nicole, and Lady Death specific and interesting. Particularly like Nicole "doesn't belong here, yet acts like she does."
Nice variety of locations. A lot of terrific visual description like, "Gamblers engulfed in a haze of cigarette smoke, ceiling fan...with a broken blade," and "Soaking wet Nicole...in the glow of the neon sign."
In any other story, the voice over might be repetitive or relay superfluous information; here, it meshes and contributes perfectly to the noir feel.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5)

You may get comments about the lack of an opening slugline. It's not because the image of chips isn't arresting: it's because you're still assuming that we know the setting when you write lines like "A black cat prowls along the gaming table felt" and "a closed casino". How can a black cat and tables and casino exist in a shot solely of betting chips? A slugline is necessary somewhere in here.

The mirrored images and scene transitions of things falling are really, really good. The imagery is fantastic (love the shadow of the black cab).

Blew me away. At first, the strange transition into the last couple pages with Lady Death felt out of touch for the script, but you brought it back in very nicely with the ace-up-the-sleeve trick that we'd already seen and "The house always wins". Beautiful. Excellent.

Nitpicks: adverbs like "helplessly" and spelling errors like "tale" for "tail", "some good piece of advice".

Lee Carlisle (Level 4)

I enjoyed this piece. Your scenes have a nice flow, and your transitions especially kept the read going right along. Your dialogue was good for the most part, but could probably be streamlined just a little bit (for example: 'betted' in the first lines should be 'bet.'). The writing was strong overall.

I didn't mind the voiceover terribly, though I think it did get a little redundant and you could probably cut just a few lines out of it and accomplish more with just the visuals of your story (which were good.)

The main drawback is I think it takes you too long to get to the main conflict of your story - two people playing a hand of blackjack for their lives. For as important a beat as that is, it comes and goes too quickly as well.

I really enjoyed the ending and going back to the execution scene, though I'm not sure you need the final scene with Jack, as he seems oddly detached from what just happens - ending on 'the house always wins' may be stronger.

My only other suggestion would be to lose the pregnancy bit - it was too predictable and doesn't add much to the story (if anything it makes Jack's detachment at the end even more unrelatable).

Nice job.

Leonard Walker (Level 3)

Nice romantic horror tale. Well-written.

Good characterization and dialogue in the mix. Ornamental scene work, fine writing in the descriptions of your settings. The tension palpable. I enjoyed the film noir feel of your story. Atmospheric.

However, I was a little confused about the ending. What about the baby? Why was it mentioned at all?

And did Jack really win or did he really lose? Is the sacrifice of true love something worth living for; the emptiness dwelling in the heart, day and day out? Life without love has no meaning at all--Oops, sorry got carried away with the useless dribble.

Nice work.

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5)

The writing here is expert. Maybe a tad too flowery for a screenplay but the descriptions didn't slow it down too much.

Great use of the Voice over. Very cool story...excellent job. My only excellent by the way.

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

Gambling scams are interesting. I especially like the ones that aren't elaborate ruses like the Ocean's films, but feel more relaistic and relatable, like here.

The voice-over is probably necessary considering how soon we move on from scene to scene, and how the script ends up being about him reflecting on this choice, but I still feel it sucks a lot of the tension from the story. I would much prefer seeing it unfolding in the present in front of me. This could also form the great unspoken backstory for a character that other stories would happen to, making for a great reveal/flashback later in that story, showing how he became like this.

The ending felt a bit forced. The events leading up to it were confused as well. By the end I was sure that the scene with Lady Death was just in Jack's head, imagining how things could have gone, but it wasn't clear why it was there or took up so much time.

Matthew Fettig (Level 5)

Title - Not real creative.

I didn't like the start. I'm a bit leery of V.O. bits, and it got worse with the word "betted".

Then it got good. I liked the flow, the way you bled your visuals to move between scenes. The pace was great, the story intriguing.

One other line that I think should be fixed - "Hit me with his belt and with "a" good
piece of advice."

Overall a fun read. I thought it was very good.

MJ Hermanny (Level 5)

It's a lovely feeling to come to review a script and to instantly know you're in the hands of someone who knows what they're doing.

A fabulous film noir, very visual and stylistic with the neon lights, reflections and drawling voice-over telling the tale.

You use the elements perfectly, so smoothly I almost missed a couple of them. All this and you tell a great story.

Very well done.

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5)

Really nice going, just like the ‘House’ this is certainly going to win. Very good writing, very nice tone. I just about love everything about it. Don’t really like the image of a real ‘Lady Death’ and it kind dilutes the previous scenes, but still amazing. The fade overs the cuts. Extremely well done.

Such a simple story would be horrible in the hands of a bad writer. You make it sparkle. My favourite thus far. Casino Noir. Good work man.

Paul Williams (Level 5)

I got into this one: the tone, the atmosphere, the voice-over narration. I'm not sure I liked the introduction of Lady Death, however. The script does have a mysterious vibe to it, but I felt it mostly grounded in dark, raw reality.

The inclusion of Lady Death switched the tone to fantasy, but move-over, the "deal with Death/The Devil" isn't very unique are hard to keep fresh and new.

Your screenwriting is good, perhaps a little too over-descriptive in spots, but you have some of the best scene transitions I've read in awhile. They're difficult and I appreciate that. Format overall appears in order. Didn't detect any typos.

Pete Barry (Level 5)

A very startling and surprising tale of chance. You pack a lot of story into a few short pages. The voice over creates a detached feel, which doesn't help with my emotional connection to the story (Jack never actually speaks) but does give Jack the feel of the spirit that he is. When the voice over crosses over into the present of the story, it's a nice touch.

Some of the description and language goes a bit overboard: BLOOD RED CHIPS, the cat imagery, the various quick cuts and transitions which I can see in super-slo-mo, all gives it a gothic, almost Wagnerian style. It might just not be my style, but it sways between style and heavy-handedness.

Still, a well-written, enjoyable read.

Pia Cook (Level 5)

I think I know who wrote this one! ;) If I'm wrong, well, take it as a huge compliment.

Expertly written IMO. Very visual!

Good story too. My only gripe here would be that I wished the line about the baby had been the very last line in this script. For a one line twist like that to have its biggest impact, it needs to come as late as possible.

I'm voting Excellent on this one despite that little "mistake".

Great work! :)

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

When I read spelling errors on the first couple of pages, it sort of sets the tone for me, that the writer is not serious about his work.

"Betted everything I cared for" Poor grammar.

You have 'tale' instead of tail for the cat.

The interesting thing is that reading on, the story is good and there are no glaring errors in the rest of it. I think that your spell check might have missed the tale/tail thing, so it's always good to not rely on it too much.

I thought the title was good, and the story was strong. The use of voice over works for me in this film.

Nice job.

Scott Merrow (Level 5)

This is great! Best I've read so far.

I'm not a big fan of narrative descriptions that sound too "prose-like", so I cringed a little when I read "Glowing with alluring brightness in the colorless gloom of a closed casino." But, you used those descriptions sparingly and appropriately throughout the script, so they were very effective. Great!

I especially liked your set-ups and pay-offs. In his beginning voice-over, "Death is a woman" sounds like one of those trite, throw-away lines that were common in film noir movies. (Or like the Sinatra song, "Luck Be a Lady".) But then you brought it around with a nice pay-off at the end -- Death IS a woman! The ace up the sleeve -- the tool that Jack uses to pull off their scam becomes the tool that leads to Nicole's demise. Very nicely done.

My score: EXCELLENT.

Stephen Brown (Level 5)

This was expertly written. There was a really cool, film-noir feel to your script that I really enjoyed. Transitions were fantastic.

This script is a good example of voice-over working really well.

A simple story, told with undoubted talent. My favourite so far after 13 and my first excellent. Well done!

Sue Ploeger (Level 3)

I gotta say, you got some beautiful transitions goin’ on. Incredibly visual and visceral at the same time. Strong writing, except for the VOs.

I’m not a fan of philosophical voice-overs. After your beginning, I said to myself, “this is a cautionary tale, and it better be damn good if it’s going to start off with a VO. The audience and the main character better walk away with a GREAT take-away lesson.”

You don’t need to narrate the whole story. We can see what’s going on. Unless you’re telling us something really different from what we’re seeing, ditch the VOs. You don’t need to be all “Mr. Foreshadowy”. Trust your writing. It’s strong. VOs can be a crutch. They dilute the drama/anticipation of your story.

The “Months and months” VO is unnecessary. We see that she gets one roll per con, and that they know each other well, and that they’ve got a lot of rolls, ie long history together.

The “Our piggy bank…” VO is unnecessary. We know they’re saving up for something cool, not like they’re going to donate it to the Haiti fund. What their dream is specifically doesn’t matter. We know it’s someplace great. Big dreams.

The “But sometimes dreams…” VO is unnecessary. Don’t Tell Us! Yee-gads! It’s sufficiently dramatic without the VO. Let us take our own journey. The faces-into-mugshots is a wonderful transition. Let us enjoy it.

The “The Casino owner…” and “I wish we were” . Nix them.

On page 5: “I wish she could finish…” Nix it.

I don’t like the last VO. Maybe someone else has some ideas. The take-away lesson is that he’s going to keep conning in order to make his $$ dreams come true? It’s a dangerous game, and he’s lost BIG once. I think you should end on the Ace of Spades burning. Then we could think that he’s going to give up the con and maybe start an Internet Marketing business.

Sylvia Dahlby (Level 5)

Excellent - methinks this is a winner. Great characters, compelling story & visually drawn.

Thomas W. Brown (Level 4)

This is an awesome noir piece. I enjoy the VO in this, it seems to suit the story really well. You've written this in a very visual manner. I can see everything you describe, a difficult accomplishment. I'm not the biggest fan of the simple twist at the end but other than that, I thought it was great! Best of luck!

Tim Ratcliffe (Level 4)

This was really impressive, easily the best one I have read so far. The writing was sharp and you managed to tell a complete story here. I really don't have much to say as I thought it worked just the way it is. Great job.

EDIT: I've now read all of the entires and this one blew all the others away. It was the only script I rated as excellent and would be a deserving winner IMO.

Tracey Brown (Level 3)

Very good. So much happening in five pages, so many turns. The use of voiceover makes it easier, of course, but the voice here isn't distracting or overused, and walks the fine line between engaging and pretentious.

Lovely flow between scenes, and an intriguing story.

Typo 'tale' should be 'tail'.

Comments Made After the Contest

Margaret Ricke (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 12:06 AM

Congratulations, Matias!

Chris Messineo (Founder) ~ 4/1/2010 12:06 AM

Congratulations! Your craft is flawless as always and your stories are a true pleasure to read.

Thomas W. Brown (Level 4) ~ 4/1/2010 12:09 AM

Congrats Matias, great job with this one!

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 12:17 AM

I knew it. Show off.

Erich VonHeeder (Level 4) ~ 4/1/2010 12:40 AM

Keep working at it.
Your drive can conquer your obvious lack of natural talent.

Love,
Erich

Brian Wind (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 12:50 AM

Dude, you are the king. Congrats!

Pia Cook (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 12:58 AM

Congrats Dude. Do I know you or what!!! ;)

Sally Meyer (Moderator) ~ 4/1/2010 2:04 AM

Congrats, very well done!! As usual.

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator) ~ 4/1/2010 3:28 AM

Yeah, yeah, yeah, big deal.

Just joking. After I read this one, I knew it was first place.

Paul De Vrijer (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 4:00 AM

When are you making it big Matias? You have perfected a tone that doesn't feel watered down, yet still accessible for all. Vivid and deep with a perfect pace.

Is it your location or something? You've got a talent and you should be able to get a great job as a screenwriter by showing your moviepoet-entries alone.

Congrats again. Care to reveal some insights on your script? How did you come up with this or the motivations of some of the choices, like the supernatural Lady Death?

MJ Hermanny (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 7:38 AM

Congratulations Matias!

I knew this was yours; you've really developed a unique writer's voice and your craft is flawless. You also have an amazing storytelling gift. Really well done.

Scott Merrow (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 8:10 AM

This was my favorite this month, Matias. (I think it's the first time my favorite has actually won.) Great job setting up all the elements of the story, then winding up with terrific pay-offs. Brilliant. Congrats!

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 1:56 PM

One of the finest things I've ever read on-site, Matias. Fantastic job.

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 4/1/2010 2:07 PM

Thanks everyone for the constructive comments about my work. And thanks to Erich for the destructive comments about me.

I really really struggled to keep this down to 5 pages, so those who observed that the story feels a little too big for a short have a good point.

@Paul: I don’t know where Lady Death came from, but I’m sure my shrink does. :D

There’s nothing particular about my process except that I write with music that matches the tone of the script. This one was written while obsessively listening to two songs in repeat:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cddfPNLKS6I
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j1LboAykoI

@Chris: I noticed a glitch in the programming while selecting the genre for this entry. The “Noir” box seems to be missing. :D

Thanks again for the feedback and the kind words.

Dave Kunz (Level 4) ~ 4/1/2010 6:57 PM

I didn't get a chance to read this while the contest was happening so I went back and read afterward. I learned a thing or two. Excellent work.

Tim Ratcliffe (Level 4) ~ 4/2/2010 5:50 AM

Congrats on the first place, this was an amazing script and I'm not surprised at all that it won.

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 4/2/2010 6:48 PM

Thanks Dave and Tim. Glad you liked it, guys.

Tim Westland (Moderator) ~ 4/2/2010 8:18 PM

I just read this.

So I was reading and reading and so much cool stuff was happening and I was really into the story because of its depth and amazingness... and then I got to page 2.

By this I mean - I cannot believe how much story you pack into each page. It seems like you have 10 pages of story in the 5 pages allowed. It really is amazing.

A great story. Congrats on yet another well deserved win.

You are the one to rule us all.

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 4/3/2010 10:41 AM

Thanks for taking a look, Tim. Yeah, this script is really loaded. I think that's because of the voice over narration which allows the writer to condense some plot points and pack more story.

It may also give the impression of a slow read and upset some readers, so use it at your own risk, haha.

Tracey Brown (Level 3) ~ 4/3/2010 2:13 PM

I'm a BRIT, like Caroline, so I know what she means about 'shakes his head, no', but am I right in thinking that in the US, 'shakes his head' can mean a nod, too? In the UK, we have a shaken head meaning no and a nod meaning yes.

Fine story, well-deserved First.

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 4/3/2010 4:36 PM

"am I right in thinking that in the US, 'shakes his head' can mean a nod, too?"

I've got no clue since I'm not from the US. :)

Thanks for letting me know you liked it.

MJ Hermanny (Level 5) ~ 4/24/2010 3:46 AM

Just read your re-write a couple of times through and it got me thinking that you have all the elements in place for a classic film noir which is probably where your Lady Death came from - she's the ultimate femme fatale - (the translation even).

Thanks for introducing me to the 300 soundtrack, it's marvellous. I haven't seen the film but think I probably will now.

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 4/24/2010 11:09 AM

Glad you dig the soundtrack. It's really mesmerizing.

The film is not subtle as its soundtrack I must say, haha. It's loud and bloody. But it also oozes style in every single shot. It's beautiful to watch as long as you enjoy action films.

The trailer tells you exactly what you'll see:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8koUndBvJqc

Tim Westland (Moderator) ~ 4/25/2010 12:25 AM

It's the same in the US...

Shake head = "No"
Nod head = "Yes"

I see this occur from time to time and just 'nod my head' and 'shake' it off.

What really gets me is when people say "irregardless". That one irks me.

Sean Chipman (Level 4) ~ 4/26/2010 4:48 PM

I'm a big fan of voice-over so it got props from me. I kind of saw what was coming but I usually do and that's not really a big deal to me. Story itself was good however I wonder why would a woman give up her child? I mean, I'm a guy so I won't know for sure but it just doesn't ring true for me. Overall, though, I enjoyed it.

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 4/26/2010 7:27 PM

I agree, there's room for improvement on that aspect you mentioned. Thanks for the review and welcome to the site.

Marcus Bakvis (Level 1) ~ 4/30/2010 8:51 AM

I really enjoy how the storyline does s circle. I'm a big fan in starting where it ends. :3

Also you set the scenes beautifully, and the ending...*gasp*!

However, I think there are some parts where the V.O. was a little irrelevant, and maybe just a quick gasp or a tear might better emphasize the dramaticism. I'm talking near the end when the game finishes and Lady Death reveals who she's REALLY taking.

Overall, awesome though!

Matias Caruso (Level 5) ~ 4/30/2010 11:22 AM

Thanks for the read and the feedback, Marcus. And welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy your stay. :D