Comments Made During the Contest

Aaron Scott (Level 4)

I like the originality of this idea, but I just am not sure how you can push 90 minutes out of this idea... I am sure that there is a way, and I am looking forward to seeing what you come up with.

Adam Grage (Level 4)

Okay, I like this. A kinda unique character in a unusual situation with a great conflict and a totally unknown ending. Written nice and tight and to the point.

I hope you can present the suicidal tendancies better than a guy drinking some kinda bourbon or (insert drink here) and contemplating the barrel of a pistol. Make it something twisted and different. And I also hope you can present a different type of apocalyptic world then 'Book of Eli' or 'the Road' present. That is getting a bit old.

I still like this idea though and hope to see more of it.

Aralis Bloise (Level 4)

I'm not really sure what is going on here. What exactly is the nature of the time loop? Is it like groundhog day? Like Memento? How can you push the Earth into tomorrow? I think it needs a little more information. Perhaps something about the nature of the bizarre project...is it dangerous? What's the time frame? I think knowing something like "they have 48 hours to make a nuclear reactor before they forget what they were doing" or whatever would make the trailer more appealing.

Bill Delehanty (Level 4)

Love the time travel twist. The title is great too. The sounds like Groundhog Day on a worldwide scale. Good work!

Brendan Krick (Level 1)

I do not know what a global time loop is, nor do I know if I am meant to know. I cannot visualize any of what has been described here. There is a lot of action, but none of it is explained in a cinematic way. Maybe it would be more effective if it focused on one or two of the included elements. I would talk more about the suicidal genius attempting to save the world. His motivation for doing so would probably be very interesting.

Brian Howell (Level 5)

The title works wonderfully! Good job. The logline is very concise, and very dense - just like it should be. I don't think there is one 'wasted' word. Maybe the one thing you could tweak is the word 'bizarre'. I don't know if dangerous or controversial would work with your idea, but if they do, you might think about using one of those. Bizzare just doesn't quite seam to fit the rest of the story. Excellent!

Brian Wind (Level 5)

I really like this title. It grabs my attention and makes me wonder 'WTF is this about?'

The genre is clearly defined, sci-fi.

The logline details an extremely confusing premise in a semi-confusing manner. It all seems to be articulated well enough, I just don't have any clue what any of it means. Global time loop, push the Earth into Tomorrow, violent infinity... What? I'm afraid this logline doesn't paint a very clear picture of the script unless the script it completely confusing too, in which case, I would take a pass anyway. We know the protagonist and his goal, but who is his ally? Who is the antagonist? Those need to be addressed in the logline.

There were no errors in punctuation, spelling or grammar that I saw so you're good there.

Darn! I really wanted to score this one highly because I really like the title, but the logline didn't paint a very clear picture of the script for me at all. I'll give you a good. Good luck with this one. I'm kind of hoping that it's just me that got confused by this and everyone else scores you high because I would be interested in reading the first 10 pages of this.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

This sounds excellent! I can't add anything to that!

Charles Bonet (Level 3)

I'm a little conflicted on this one. The title is interesting but also one of those titles you're not exactly sure how to pronounce. The logline offers a lot of promise for the story but then again could just be one of those frustratingly complex and confusing sci-fi flicks that you spend less time enjoying and more time trying to decipher the action. I will, however, give it points for originality. I've never heard anything like it before.

Chris Keaton (Level 5)

Ok, I guess I can get the title, but I kept thinking about bugs? If he's suicidal what does he care? How is it bizarre if everyone is stuck in a loop. If it is a loop how is he traveling around? Otherwise a nice logline.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

I think the title is great. It's a cool world and it seems to fit the mood and story well.

I love Sci-Fi so I think this is all intriguing, but it is also incredibly confusing. I have no idea what a "global time loop" is or how it "slowly drives mankind insane" (while not effecting our suicidal genius and the scientists). Similarly, "pushing the earth into tomorrow" to stop a "violent infinity" sounds cool, but I really don't know what that means.

I know it can be particularly hard to distill Sci-Fi down to a logline, but I think you need to make this a bit easier to follow.

As it is, I am interested, but I'm really not sure what to expect.

Dan Delgado (Level 5)

Dear Sir or Madam,

Thank you for your logline submission: "Circadia"

I can't say it's a retread, it's new to me and it could be an interesting science fiction story. Knowing your protagonist could croak himself at any moment does add a sense of urgency to the story. He gathers top scientists, who I hope aren't insane yet, to push the Earth out of a time loop. That seems to be just a little too vague. I think it would help to give us some kind of mechanism, plausible or not, that would allow this to happen. Some major goal that would give us more of a picture than seeing a bunch of eggheads playing with power point presentations.

I think this could be a fun movie. I also think the logline could use a little more work to give a little more to go on than "the world's best scientists for a bizarre project".

From your information in the logline, I don't know the title applies to your screenplay.

We'll keep your logline on file for future consideration. Please do not send the screenplay at this time.

Thank you.

Dan Lennox (Level 5)

Love the title, and it goes well with the premise of the story. Overall, I thought this was very well done. Your logline reads smoothly, tells a good story, and you offer lot's of stakes.

Very good job.

David Birch (Level 5)

why would someone who leans toward suicide want to "save" the planet???...if i wanted to end it, having the rest of the world go with me, well that would be that more grandiose...i think that you should have another character desperately try to convince him to save the world. he doesn't, because he's suicidal...thus making him go against his nature...just a thought...good luck...

Dawn Calvin (Level 5)

Wow, intense. Global Insanity! Cool. Lots of questions arise when reading this logline. Why is the genious suicidal, why does he have to travel why is the planet hostile, what is the project.

I guess something, some really juicy detail needs to be expanded upon and not so many vague statements would make this much more interesting to me. I just don't want to work so hard reading a logline, I want some answsers.

Sounds interesting though.

DW Pollard (Level 4)

A very interesting and intriguing story line, if not a bit complicated and confusing concept. But I like it quite a bit and would be interested in reading (seeing) the first ten pages (minutes) to see if it truly piqued my interest.

Elias Farnum (Level 5)

A logline should not generate questions because of confusion, they should generate questions because of interest. Right off I'm questioning what kind of time loop, and how would anyone notice let alone go mad. But I am interested in seeing how it unfolds from there. I am partial to time travel, and time travel paraphernalia - you only need some sort of suggested obstacle, or antagonist, maybe a fellow scientist? Very Good otherwise, very good.

Good title also, but somehow sounds familiar.

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

I am fascinated with time travel type stories and I love the logline, but I do not understand the title. Despite the lack of understanding on the title, I rate this entry an EXCELLENT.

Felice Bassuk (Level 4)

Great title. Sounds like a unique concept and a very intriguing story. The logline is well-crafted, clear, and engaging. You've described your main character's dilemma and arc in a compelling way. I'm hooked and want to read on.

Herman Chow (Level 5)

Very cool sci-fi premise, kinda like Groundhog Day.

The logline is pretty good. We have our protagonist given a task to do, and I'm sure he'll encounter a lot of complications along the way.

VERY GOOD.

James Hughes (Level 5)

I can't find the definition of Circadia online. The title isn't working for me because I do not know what it means.
Time travel stories are my favorite. I started out as rating it good because I was on the fence. However, the way you worded "violent infinity" and "increasingly hostile planet" are odd in a good way and sound poetic. Based on this style of writing in the logline, I moved it up to Very Good because I hope there is more like that in the script.
Given everything else that is going on, why would you characterize the project as "bizzare". Seems like, relatively speaking, nothing would be bizzare in this story!

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

This logline is pretty wordy and actually hard to comprehend. I had to read it several times to get it.

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

I love the premise. Definitely a movie I would see.

For some reason a "suicidal genius" doesn't sit too well with me.

I dont' really know what else to say. You gave us enough in the logline. I just wasn't dazzled though. Maybe if you told us HOW he was going to push the world into 'Tomorrow" But that could very well ruin your story.

I'll give this a good.

Joel Davis (Level 5)

Love the title. freaking great.

I don't know exactly what a "global time loop" is but I sure as heck want to find out now. It feels like there's a bit too many moving parts with the bizarre project and "push the earth into Tommorow".. try to boil it down to something more concrete -- "to gather ten of the worlds best scientists to build a temporal whatzit". Also would like some hint of what caused the time loop.

But "violent infinity", that's great.

John LaBonney (Level 4)

I am interested in this story, but the emphasis in the logline seems to surround the challenges the character faces to collect the scientist rather than on finding the solution to the time loop.

Jonah Yarden (Level 4)

Interesting and well crafted log line though some of the character exposition seems to be connected to apply a superficial depth, they don't feel conducive.

Kevin Carty (Level 4)

mmm no mmm no. A global time loop suicidal genius. I just don't like this. Seems like someone's been watching way too much Lost. Who is the main character again?

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

I vaguely understand what's going on here:)) please forgive me for saying so, I'm not sci-fi savvy so it's very hard for me to decipher your logline. But i managed! And it's a very inriquing idea, I think.

The only thing is: Why is the genius suicidal and why this information should be important for us? Is it his struggle, does he have to postpone his suicidal thought for awhile to save the humanity and that's why you are saying that he is suicidal?

Kirk White (Level 5)

I think this has potential...but it's a bit confusing as written...I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "time loop" and that effects my grasp of the rest of the premise.

KP Mackie (Level 5)

This story appears to be a horror-thriller.
Interesting premise, with a terrific idea for a hero in the "genius" attempting to stop the insanity. His mission should offer some visual evidence for how he and the scientists plan on saving the planet.
Creative title. Maybe a combination of "circa" for approximate and "dia" for day.
Not entirely clear what "a global time loop" is though; the insinuation is that the same day keeps repeating, it's "violent," and "mankind" is being driven insane. Probably could use a detail or two to be able to understand the universal problem.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5)

A global time loop? I really had a hard time trying to figure out what you were saying. As far as I've figured it now, you're talking about a massive "Groundhog Day" experience? Could be neat, but the only way to portray this experience is to zero in on one person who's having it, which is going to feel an awful lot like, well, "Groundhog Day". I hope you have an original way to do it!

The logline tends towards the poetic, but really IMO loglines should stay solidly prosaic. Scripts are poetry, loglines are business. Example: "trapped in violent infinity". Those are nice words, but they create an image (and a somewhat confusing image at that), but the logline's job is not to create an image but to quickly and powerfully transmit the story. When the words get poetic, I have to slow down my reading to grasp them, and that's not what you want to happen in a logline.

L. Scott Dunlap (Level 2)

I'm going to give this a Very Good rating because it's a well written logline. You accurately and economically give a description of the script. I don't understand how the title relates to the story, but I'm sure that's revealed... I also not 100% on the story, It's ambitious and I'm not sure how it will be received, but that's not reason to mark down what is a well written logline.

Margaret Ricke (Level 5)

I really like the title. Nice choice.

You've got everything I'm looking for here - A protagonist. An antagonist (yes, a global time loop is an antagonist). A conflict. Stakes...

I'm liking this very much.

The spelling and punctuation are good. The flow is smooth and even.

Good work.

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5)

Whoa. I read this three times and it's a mind boggler. Too may flowery words. I'm not sure I really get it, even after three reads. This seems like a complex idea but try to simplify the logline so we can understand what it's really about.

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

There are some great science-fiction concepts here. It's hard for me to take this seriously, having seen the Futurama episode that also uses a time loop (there's also a really good episode of the Outer Limits revival that tackles this).

How does the suicidal genius travel the planet if there's a time loop? Won't he just go back in time and therefore be in a different place? To make the story work, when time loops backwards, people and things stay where they are. So how is it a time loop? I hope this is explained in the film somewhere, although hopefully without any on-the-nose exposition.

I like the idea of examining what happens to humanity when hope for the future is basically completely removed. This could be a really good film.

Very good.

Matias Caruso (Level 5)

I love sci-fi, and there are some interesting elements here.

From a formal point of view, the structure of this logline is pretty solid. You've got a clear protagonist (suicidal genious), with a goal (gather a team to push Earth into Tomorrow), obstacles (increasingly hostile planet) and stakes (mankind could remain trapped in violent infinity).

While the structure is sound, the content, IMHO, is a bit blurry, and some of these plot points should be explained in a more clear way.

"When a global time loop slowly drives mankind insane"

The term global time loop sounds cool, but also a bit vague, since it could mean so many things. The problem is, I'm not sure how this loop could drive the whole world insane. I'm sure it's explained in the script, but upon reading the logline, one thing doesn't follow the other naturally.

If think you need to be a bit more specific about this time loop, so the reader can easily think "Oh shit, that would drive everyone nuts".

So what's happening here? Mankind is forced to live the same day again and again? The same month? The same year? There are lots of possible bad scenarios, but there are a lot of possible good ones. I can imagine a slacker dilapidating his family savings only to see the bank account replenished when time resets and the loop starts again.

It's not immediately visible how a time loop could lead to global insanity, so I'd suggest expanding upon how you're connecting the dots here.

Also if you can summ it up in few words, it could be cool if you expand upon the cause of this "global time loop" since it's quite a big event which requires a big suspension of disbelief from the reader.

If you're writing Jurassic Park's logline and you open with "Hell breaks loose in a dinosaur zoo when..." the reader will instantly think "Wait a minute, dinosaurs are extinct". This big plot point would be easier to digest if somewhere in the logline is mentioned that dinosaurs were brought back to life by a cloning proccess applied to prehistoric DNA from a mosquito fossil.

Perhaps you should mention your mosquito in the logline.

So how did the time loop happen? A natural occuring glitch in time? Someone screwed up while testing a time machine? Did Chronos (greek God of time) cursed mankind?

If the reason is simple enough to mention in a few words, I would encourage you to do so.

"Push Earth into Tomorrow" also sounds cool but it's also a bit blurry. I'm guessing the project will be dangerous and exciting right? Give us a glimpse of the plan at least.

If this was Armageddon's logline, it would be missing the part when it says the plan is to nuke the asteroid from the inside.

Good luck.

Matthew Fettig (Level 5)

Title - Very appropriate.

Logline - Well crafted. Seems like a unique twist.

Story - A twist on Groundhog Day. This time everyone is aware that they continue to relive the same day? Makes for an interesting scenario.

Micah Ricke (Level 4)

I have to say it is a very interesting, albeit very confusing, premise. Your structure is actually quite good, you give a sense of place and genre (sci-fi), the protagonist, and the stakes. The title is okay.

Best regards.

Michael Alberstadt (Level 4)

The title is intriguing. It sounds like a place (or a time?). It also hints at a circle theme.

The logline is written in a sort of techno-speak that will baffle some of its readers. I get the sense of something happening to the earth (though I don't know what it is) and that a scientist is going to do something to fix it. As a concept, I think it's great. There's a futuristic sense to it, an Armageddon quality that is appealing. As communication? A lot of people will be scratching their heads and wondering what the heck it's about. Some of those folks will give it a go.

I think my problem is "global time loop" and "violent infinity." These are really foreign concepts. Try simplifying them, and you will reach a larger audience.

Michael Cuculich (Level 3)

This logline feels a bit convoluted but is overall good. I don't understand how this will be explained, but that is what the script is for. This is well written, and tells where it's going, more or less. I am interested to see how this is fleshed out. The title makes no sense, but I assume it will fit.

Miriam Goldman (Level 3)

This idea seems extremely interesting. In other words, I would definitely see the movie. It is structured tightly, but its being concise does not lessen the impact of the story. I think it would be especially fascinating if you show his journey around the world- how does he cross oceans? How have famous cultural and historical sites changed? How have different cultures reacted to the time loop? All of this I would love to see in your script- when you get to show us your first ten pages! The only issue I have with this logline is that the first clause is too vague. I had to read this several times to get over my initial feeling of "what is a global time loop and why does it drive mankind insane?" All in all, this was a very good logline, and I hope to see the finished product.

MJ Hermanny (Level 5)

this is like a thrilling and action driven Groundhog Day with an element of Superman and Armageddon thrown in.

Very intriguing.

Hope to read your first ten pages.

Paul Williams (Level 5)

Man, you guys are making me wish I paid attention in high school science!

I'm not sure what a global time loop exactly is? Is it like "Groundhog Day" for everyone in the world?

Can you tell us a little more about this suicidal genius, whom I'm assuming is our protagonist?

Can you hint to us how these scientists will "push" Earth into tomorrow?

I don't think "Tomorrow" needs to be capitalized.

Title: Not entirely sure how it fits your story, but it's unique.

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5)

The title works well for the concept and has a good sci-fi feel about it.

The story is interesting, Groundhog Day for everyone? I've been developing a couple of time based concepts and the challenge in describing them is that more questions always arise out of every description. I think I get what you are describing, but being contrarian in what way is recurring repeating time intervals different from Days or Years going by like they normally do?

The craft of your logline looks fine, although I wonder if the story might engage better if it was described in more personal terms for the main character.

Rich Keel (Level 4)

I'm confused! :) I think I get what it is saying...but how do you push "Earth into "Tommorrow?" - I guess I need to read the full script :)

Logline seems fine to me but I just get lost in it...suicidal genius? So is he a bad guy trying to destory the Earth....maybe I'm asking too many questions for a logiline :)

Rick Hansberry (Moderator)

I was a bit confused by the different senses of urgency I got from this log line. In the opening you state that mankind is 'slowly' being driving insane yet in the closing the protagonist has to rush Earth into 'Tomorrow' before humanity is trapped in violent infinity. Seems like a deadline to me. I didn't take to the idea of a suicidal genius joining forces with anyone let alone the world top scientists and I felt that the story had some merit but not enough to make me want to see more. As a suggestion, I would remove 'slowly' from the opening just to avoid the difference with the closing.

Robert Decker (Level 2)

Great imagination, but it's just too much. There is no simplicity in this idea whatsoever. There's way too much going on in this log line and I cannot produce an image of the idea in my mind. It's a giant "cluster f*ck". Maybe try to slim it down a little bit to give it more clarity.

Ron Hooker (Level 4)

An interesting title, and DEFINITELY an interesting and original idea for a script. I love that. The overall construction was also very clean and concise.

However, you use far too many of the exact same words: global, planet, world, Earth. It's obviously implied that this story takes place here on Earth, so using all of these synonyms over and over again is redundant. Twice is okay, but not more than that. How about something like this:

"When a global time loop slowly drives mankind insane, a suicidal genius must travel an increasingly hostile world to gather top scientists for a daunting task: to push time into "Tomorrow" before humanity is trapped in violence forever."

I hope my suggestions make sense and are helpful. Good luck and keep writing!

Rosanne Christie (Level 3)

Interesting. Does the suicidal point to "tomorrow" being the end of the world? If so, you may have given away a tad much to the ultimate twist. Is there a counter force to the scientist beyond the time loop? I would be interested to see how this would end. Cool title.

Rustom Irani (Moderator)

The title and premise both have an alien quality to them as I don't feel too familiar with both.

They could be plausible theories that you've researched on or something totally made up.

A slight problem in both cases. Good sci-fi is easily explainable and plausible when tied with simple story-telling.

Complicated sci-fi causes a bit of detachment when the audience tries to figure out the science rather than be concerned about the story.

I can't visualise a global time loop. Is it the "Groundhog Day" scenario? That was a time loop.

What does a suicidal genius do? Is he suicidal in the sense of the risks he takes or chemically imbalanced suicidal?

I like the idea of the world being pushed into tomorrow but violent infinity again makes me rethink the scenario and I can't comprehend why?

Two things.

What motivates the suicidal genius to take this responsible task?

Secondly, what year is the story set in?

This is complicated sci-fi made confusing. It has a wonderful idea at its core and I'll give you a good.

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

While the story doesn't intrigue me, because this is not my genre, I gave this GOOD because the logline does what it's supposed to do, it tells what the movie is about in a concise interesting way.

Well done.

Sasha Clancy (Level 4)

Title - It's unique and will probably look good on a movie poster.

Story - If the genius is suicidal, why does he care what happens to mankind? Wouldn't he just kill himself? This makes no sense to me and so I am having a hard time understanding why he would do anything so I'm not seeing what is driving your story.

Craft - You have good writing and have all of the elements of a logline. I think it's a bit long and you don't necessarily need all of the info (for example, you could get rid of "bizarre", it's pretty evident this isn't the run-of-the-mill project), but there is nothing wrong with it.

Scott Merrow (Level 5)

This sounds like it could be really good. It's a very unique and fascinating idea.

But you've made your logline a little too esoteric. It leaves me with several questions: What is a global time loop? How do we get into one? Is it possible to get out? Why does it drive mankind slowly insane? How does one push Earth into "Tomorrow"? What is "violent infinity"?

When you first read it, it all sounds really cool. But when you stop and think about it, what does it all mean?

I'm not saying you have to give away your whole story in your logline, but you're introducing a complicated topic here, just give us a little better idea of what all this means.

I like the idea, though.

My score: VERY GOOD.

Sylvia Dahlby (Level 5)

This sounds like a good movie, I like time travel stories & paradox. I suggest some edits, starting with the elimination of adverbs, and condensing it to one sentence.

Thomas W. Brown (Level 4)

Title: Great choice. Concise and provocative. It might be a little over the heads of some, but I love it.

Story: I really like the idea behind this, it's both interesting and original. I really like the suicidal genius aspect. I get a great feel for where this will go and the implied conflict. Overall, this feels like a really cool film.

Craft: No spelling or grammatical errors. The style gives a good tone for the film. Nice and brief, but not lacking and important information. Excellent.

Tim Westland (Moderator)

Title: VERY good title

Logline: Pretty darned good. I like the use of adjectives. You've given this logline a lot of impact. It grabs me. Well done.

Tracey Brown (Level 3)

Wow! Lovely high-concept premise presented here. My imagination immediately started creating scenes out of this - people going mad at the breakfast table, recalcitrant scientists, the MC fighting his way through increasingly wibbly mankind, etc. Kind of reminds me of 'The Core'.

At once I'm curious as to how the feat is going to be performed and eager to meet the scientists that'll do it. I also feel that the scientists aren't the only ones with a humungous job on their hands - this is an incredibly ambitious project for a writer. How to make everything believable and make scientific sense (licence allowing, of course)?

The writing flows very well and utilizes words cleverly.

Circadia - OK, I'm gonna look it up. All right, done. Bit high-brow, can't really see it taking its place in our dumbed-down culture as a great movie title.

Overall, though, I thought this was a great job.

Wes Worthing (Level 5)

Creative. Interesting and memorable title. Seems like there will be plenty of drama and action. You covered all the bases, so this is excellent.

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus)

I think everything is great until "violent infinity". That doesn't make much sense to me -- what would fit better, especially with your use of "Tomorrow" is, "...trapped in the never-ending violence of today" or something along those lines. Having "today" versus "tomorrow" brings with it great definition and tension. Infinity conjures the image of a straight line beyond visibility, and I feel with your title, "Circadia" and use of time loop, circular is your reference.

William Dunbar (Level 5)

The idea and title are good, and the idea sounds pretty solid. I'd like to see a few less descriptive words in the logline. Especially "suicidal," which sounds contradictory in a person trying to save the earth.

Comments Made After the Contest