Comments Made During the Contest

Aaron Williams (Level 4)

This was nice-- my first comedy of the views. Electric performance by the lead girl-- really sexy, flirty, all around tasty. The guy was good.. muted.. but that's what the role called for. I was very impressed by the camera work and editing.. and the latin/horn music really enhanced it. The payoff was good, unexpected.. but a trifle ambiguous.. I Think upon a second viewing it would be more clear. but a great showing all around.

Audrey Webb (Level 5)

I thought your lead actors were wonderful. Loved the opening sequence and the music that went along with it. However, I have to confess that I totally missed what happened...what the bet was....I can be thick sometimes, and maybe it's just me, but whooooosh straight over my head. As a result, I'm finding it hard to say whether or not I liked this movie.

Brian Wind (Level 5)

SCRIPT: This was one of the few scripts in the contest that were before my time here at MP, which is kind of fun for me since I get to watch the film with no preconceived opinions about it.

PERFORMANCES: Pretty good. Not exactly Oscar caliber, but better than some of what we see on tv, especially when it comes to the two leads.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: The opening shot of the restaurant looks so excellent that it could easily be in a studio picture. Great lighting and shots. Very professional.

SOUND: In the intro, the music overpowers the dialogue just a little. Throughout the film, the audio levels seem to fluctuate slightly. Also, the music is much louder than the dialogue.

EDITING: I wasn't a fan of the first cut when it kind of blinks as we move inside the club, but after that the transitions were pretty much invisible, which is good. I felt like the pace of the film was brisk and constantly flowing forward.

SCORE: I love the intro/end credit music. Did you buy it or do you know the musicians? Very professional sounding.

DIRECTION: Around the 6 and a half minute mark, when she is walking towards the door and he's still seated at the table, he catches up to her unnaturally fast. He would have either had to sprint to catch up or fly or glide like some sort of vampire.

OVERALL: Well, all the technical aspects were great. Lighting, sound, cinematography, editing, acting. My main gripe with the film would be that the ending confused the hell out of me. I didn't get the joke about it explains her hump at all so I went and read the script to see if it was more clear, but it wasn't. I still don't get the joke. The additional ending, with the lesbian side bet and talk of Young Frankenstein, really only served to enhance my confusion with the film. If I'm understanding this correctly (which I may very well not be), it goes like this... Guy meets Girl at speed dating, seems to really like her and then girl turns out to be a lesbian performing some sort of dare from her girlfriend. The punchline has potential to be funny, but I didn't feel like that was the case here.

Nice work to all involved.

Caroline Coxon (Mod Emeritus)

I've reviewed this before, so...briefly

SCRIPT: (my original review)Slick dialogue, pacey and I enjoyed the read. It seemed like a bit of a larger piece...I couldn't quite get her initial reluctance to say she's a chemist, or say where she's from. This isn't very visual and nothing surprising happens, but the dialogue carried it along, and the characters were appealingly drawn.I suppose my conclusion is that it needs something more to happen to give it a kick.

The film doesn't seem to bear that much resemblance to it...

PERFORMANCES: Good from all, especially the main characters.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: Very high quality - looks extremely professional.

SOUND: Excellent - love clear speech!

EDITING: It does ping-pong but I guess that's inevitable with the scenario.

SCORE: Lively, appropriate music

DIRECTION: Good opening - scene setting - and throughout.

OVERALL: I think the lesbian twist at the end gave it the kick it needed. VERY GOOD

Chris Keaton (Level 5)

This was really good. Everything seemed intentional. I knew there had to be a twist in the end and it was alright, but everything prior was witty, then ok. Now I imagine if I would've got the film references it might of worked better for me. This kept me interested the whole time. Great job, you get my second excellent.

Chris Messineo (Founder)

SCRIPT: I like the original script very much. The version filmed here has two very distinct differences. One, it is opened up a lot. We see and here other couples (the bartender is added). I think those are great additions and they add a lot of humor and depth to the story (it feels more like a film where the script felt a little like a play). The second big change is the ending and I'm afraid that doesn't work for me. I wish it did, but as it is now, it feels a little forced (like a twist for the sake of having a twist) and I just end up not liking the girl. I really wanted to see this clever couple end up together.

PERFORMANCES: This is complicated. I like both of their performances. They are talented actors. But it doesn't feel like they are in the same film. He feels very down to earth and she is so wired, I don't know that I end up feeling a real chemistry between them. The best moment is when she says "definitely", but then as I mentioned above her sincerity there doesn't seem to jive with the ending.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: The production values here are top notch. It's not easy to light or get sound in the environment and this is very good. There is an odd "digital" zoom into him at 3:48 seconds, but I think that might just be a mistake in the export.

SOUND: As I said above, the sound is very good. I like how you mix in the background noises.

EDITING: The edit is very good. I especially like the opening. It has a nice professional look and pace.

SCORE: The music is great and supports the story and tone very well.

DIRECTION: As I mentioned under Performances, I feel like this film has two tones and I wish it had one. The direction is professional and the look is great, but I wish it had one emotional through-line.

OVERALL: I definitely enjoyed this film. It is slick and professional and everyone does a great job (even if it isn't the ending I would have chosen for it). Well done.

Dan Lennox (Level 5)

This was great. That poor guy's life really sucked at the end. Very well done...

Everything from the writing, acting, cinematography, sound, etc. was great. Very professional.

I can't think of anything else to say, except I think this is an Excellent film.

Daniel Piatt (Level 2)

A very well made short film! The production value was nice with solid lighting and good audio (especially in a tricky location like this). Liked the opening montage of the film as well. I know this film was supposed to be about chemistry but I didn't really feel it between the two main characters during their scene together. The girl seemed to be into the whole scene but the guy seemed flat and disinterested and never really seemed to fully buy into her. That's just my $0.02 though! :-D Overall, a good job!

David Birch (Level 5)

i think i've met that girl!...anyway, top marks on production value...like the latin beat score...story had some possibilities but i think the script fell short of delivering because there wasn't any real sexual tension between your protags...the index card game dragged a little, perhaps more backstory less card games...anyway nice job visually...terriffic...

David D. DeBord (Level 5)

Loved the opening shot outside the restaurant/bar. Well done, smooth camera movement, pan down, dolly in perhaps.

Most of the camera work was good throughout in fact.

The story line and the dialog seemed to flow along. A lot of the character comments were unpredictable but in character, which made the talking heads aspect of the middle of the film work.

My criticism is that in the last minutes of the film, the dialog was unclear, particularly during what was obviously the climatic reveal at the end with the two women. I lost the words and so the impact of the end.

Liked the two main actors too. I thought they played their roles well.

Dawn Calvin (Level 5)

Really good. I have seen this before! ;-)
Excellent filming and the actors were right on as well.
Loved the location and thought the twist at the end was def. believable.
The lighting was good. The pace was quick and easy as well.

Don Riemer (Level 4)

This one did not work for me. Very strong opening, but by 3 minutes or so I was bored. The scene never engaged me. It was not particularly funny or interesting, and the male lead was a bit weak. Pacing could have been much faster.

As characters, Katie and Jesse strain my credibility. While I suppose there are people who are this cruel and sadistic, playing on someone's emotions just for a laugh, I have never met one. And if such women really wanted to make this sort of bet, I would expect it to hinge on some sort of sexual setup or challenge, something involving power, and not something as mundane as a line from a movie. Something with bigger stakes. As written, it really seems like a stretch. And the ending needed some sort of emotional uptick to pull us out of the darkness that these two women have left in their wake.

Production values overall were decent, though at times the lighting and audio were a bit rough. Also, was there something off with the aspect ratio? The image seems a bit stretched horizontally (or crushed vertically.)

Now, having said all that, I hope you work again with Jenn Gotzon. She was quite good, and I'd love to see her playing a different sort of character.

DW Pollard (Level 4)

Very professional quality of filming/directing. Acting was pretty good too.

Ending was a bit of a let down; would have liked to see the protagonist be able to get one over on the girl(s) playing him. As an audience member, was expecting a little bit more of a payoff.

Elias Farnum (Level 5)

Script - A light quirky little comedy, innuendo's, a little bet, dude feels like a dupe. I liked the set-up, really funny stuff. A good story.

Performances - They were awesome, excellent. Jenn Gotzon really created the sexual tension, and Kevin Held's character came across as slightly threatened, and certainly overwhelmed by Katie, and friend. Dudes don't like when chicks play them. He got played, lol. Excellent work. Extra characters also, the beginning was a hoot.

Cinematography - This is really well done, great shots. Lighting, camerawork, mood, tone, excellent job, Jon Bickford.

Sound - Everything sounded fine, mixed perfectly. Editing was smooth, quick appropriate pace.

Direction - Wow, excellent translation to the screen, got the best from everyone.

Overall - I'd like to see more heredia/hansberry productions. Very, very good job everybody.

Faith Friese Nelson (Level 5)

I enjoyed the film. However, until the end, it felt too much like "talking heads". VERY GOOD.

Herman Chow (Level 5)

The beginning montage was nice, it set ups the mood of the film in a very short amount of time. The angle of the shots are good during the exchange of dialogue at the table. But sometimes if it is a wide angle shot, the sound seems to be muffled. And then when it returns to the close up shot, the sound becomes really loud.

The actress who plays Katie is very good. She plays up those seductive characteristics.

I see that the ending is different from what you originally had. In the original, the ending was a bit flat since nothing major seems to happen. But here there is a major reversal which I liked.

Good job.

Jacob Guerra (Level 4)

I liked music at the end, and I thought the actors were good, but I didn't really see the chemistry between them, so to speak. There were also a couple of strange editing choices (a fade towards the end before the last couple of lines) that kind of distracted me. It really didn't feel like too much happened here, and by the end, I didn't really have the reaction I thought I would. However, it was very nicely produced, and felt professional.

Jay Simms (Level 3)

That was pretty good. Not what I sort of watch, but it did entertain me and even enjoyed it. I'm sort of new here and haven't read this script. The story was good, along with the picture and directing.

Jeannie Sconzo (Level 5)

Love the music!

Funny script and nice execution of it.

Good actors.

Audio not as good on wider shots.

Lighting uneven - hot on her, cold on him.

JeanPierre Chapoteau (Moderator)

I thought this ran more like a television show than a short film. It reminded me of 'Curb your enthusiasm' meets 'sex and the city'

The acting was great. I was a bit skeptical about the country accent but for it to turn out being fake was perfect.

I didn't see the twist coming but I didn't think it had that much of a punch to it. It kind of seemed like it came out of nowhere. The dialogue was excellent.

At one point I couldn't hear the actors. When he asked the second set of 3 word questions.

The music went well with it. Perfect restaurant tunes.

Overall I thought it was okay. Nothing too interesting, but definitely not boring.

John Brooke (Level 5)

SCRIPT: Super and real treatment

PERFORMANCES: compelling and smooth, natural

CINEMATOGRAPHY:.

SOUND: Absolutely professional

EDITING: Perfect except for the credits, which are too fast and illegible.

SCORE: BRASSY UPSCALE SOUND absolutely right rot this movie.

DIRECTION:

CAST: Slick and perfecgt for the genre -

OVERALL: I shall return when I can figure out how to critique these moving experiences. That's a promise.

Kenneth Hurd (Level 4)

I enjoyed your movie. The story was simple and easy to follow. Your dialogue was good and the actors delivered it very natural. I also liked the twist that you threw in at the end; however, I found myself liking the original scripted ending a bit better. I thought the original ending was nice and fitting, but this new one turns Katie into an unlikable character. It does, however, turn Josh into a much more sympathetic character. So, in the end, you were able to get a response with the ending with whichever one you chose. So good job with that!

I think your actors do an excellent job. Everyone in your film plays their parts naturally. Movements are subtle and realistic and the actors knew when a pause was needed. I always think that an actor can tell so much by the expression on their face, and these actors did their jobs perfectly. Without dialogue, you can read every thought they were thinking.

For the technical aspects in this film, I think you did a fairly good job with them. Your framing of the two actors throughout the conversation was good, but I think you needed more shot variation. The constant over the shoulder close up made the shots predictable. More varied shot design would have made this a really top notch piece. I also noticed that during the conversation at the door, you broke the 180 rule. This made Josh looking towards the left of the screen. With Katie and Jessie also looking to the left of the screen, it gives the impression that they aren't looking at each other.

Your sound was good, but I found myself having to go back on a few occasions just to make out what was said. It wasn't much though, I just couldn't make out the Young Frankenstein reference at the end and the scene early on when she first brings out the card has low audio. Other than that, your audio is really good. You did a great job with the sound design, making the restaurant feel like a crowded place.

Your editing is quite good. Even though the film is 10 minutes, it moves long at a really good pace. I also really enjoyed the opening title sequence. It sets up the tone of the film perfectly. One thing that I would have preferred though is have the opening credits appear in either various places on the screen or to move them away from the center. After the title, everything else seemed to block the visuals.

I enjoyed this film quite a bit. It's entertaining, acted extremely well, and moves at a great pace. With a more varied shot design, it could really be something amazing. That said, it's a really good short film.

Kevin Carty (Level 4)

Everyone in this movie is super pretty and this movie cinematography is super pretty. Which is good for a romantic comedy or comedy. However, the guy seems to not really have too much emotion. He just sort of delivers his lines. I'm sorry if I'm being too critical but that's just how I felt. Also on screen it doesn't seem like he likes her or is any sort of a ladies man. I think it's nice but it just didn't really make me laugh or make me feel like they had real chemistry. Also the ending was sort of unsatisfying. I guess if there were hints of what was to come I might have liked it better.
Maybe if he was staring at her from before that this was the girl he really wanted or maybe if it wasn't a speed date. The question part was nice enough but what was up with the use the force star trek reference. Is that just something the director likes to do because alot of people love movie references and I just found that it didn't fit. There was alot of dialogue and I felt the last part.

The score was nice. The acting was ok I just wish the guy would have shown more emotion. It might have made everything for me go down a bit smoother. Also I wish that we got straight to the good part as they say because all that talk about want another drink didn't hit me as great but an idea just hit me.
What if the other girl was a pick up of his and he got her number and she was ready to go with him but because he's greedy he tries to get the other girl but he misses out on it and that might have made the reveal more of an oh moment for me. This is good but the acting from the guy just wasn't convincing and I felt some of the dialogue could have been cut.

Khamanna Iskandarova (Level 5)

I loved it at the beginning and I was about to call it my favorite of all when the twist came - the twenty bucks twist... I felt a little disappointed. Their conversation was so witty and the whole movie so great - I'm thinking the twist was not needed at all. They found each other right there - this is charming enough... I think.

She is a bit too cheery for me at the end - almost like overdoing it and I don't mean the acting part, I mean that the shot is too long.

Curious to read the script. Very Good on your movie.
Professionally shot, can't say more, I'm not a pro.

Kirk White (Level 5)

I've eaten a cuban sandwich at this restaurant! Goooooo socal writers group! I still think you could tighten the edit a bit for pace and tension. my issue with this story is that I don't really see a journey for your lead character. right now it just seems like this guy (good guy, no issues) gets screwed over by a jerky woman out to prove some kind of point. I'm thinking if we could see a flaw in this guy...a flaw that would be exposed to cause him some growth when the rug is yanked out from under him at the end, this would be a much more satisfying film. as it stands now, it's just a bummer...a "man that really stinks" ending rather than a channel for his redemption or growth. so I feel a little cheated as an audience member...which, I will grant, may have been your intention.

KP Mackie (Level 5)

Watched this film a couple extra times for the music. Latin rhythm at the beginning and the end is terrific. The jazz-background in the speed-dating scene between Katie and Josh is also very good.
A very professional movie. The acting is so good, especially Jenn Gotzon as "Katie," that she tips her hand to the scam. Caught on almost immediately that she isn't what she represents herself to be. Actually prefer the ending in the script, as opposed to the trick ending at Josh's expense, but the film's conclusion still works.
The direction of the actors in the limited number of scenes and dialogue-heavy movie is well done. At no time is there any annoying feeling of a bouncing effect between closeups of the actors. The focus stays firmly on the snappy conversation between the two.
Interesting and entertaining.

Kyle Patrick Johnson (Level 5)

SCRIPT: Very filmable, all being in one location. But, then again, we're stuck in one location for nine minutes. Blessing and a curse.

PERFORMANCES: Quite good, but his performance was not quite "organic" enough. I hate that term, but what I mean is that he seemed to reciting lines rather than living them.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: The quality of the picture is fantastic, although I think the widescreen format suffered by going through Vimeo. It seemed distorted, stretched, somehow. There were a few too many "crazy" angles, down angles, sudden zooms, etc., actually seemed to distract from the story.

SOUND: Muffled, and hidden under the music in the opening titles.

EDITING: Especially in the opening sequence, I was overly aware of the editing. My attention was too drawn to the flashes between the scenes.

SCORE: Possibly the fullest score in the contest. Fun, to boot.

OVERALL: The money part lived or died on whether the viewer knew "the quote" from Young Frankenstein. At least I think it did. And, if so, then that's a weakness, because I don't think this film should've relied on a viewer's ability to backtrack and identify an already-spoken quote from a movie they may or may not have seen. And, overall, I'm left with a puzzled feeling: so two lesbians were going through speed-dating just for the kicks, for the night out? I'm wondering why this idea was strong enough to get an entire crew to work so obviously hard to create it.

Len Ramirez (Level 2)

I very much liked the dialogue in this film. It seemed pretty natural. I think the main actor came across as quite natural. The main actress seemed a little forced at times - pushing a little more than she needed to. The concept was good. I could actually see a pilot for a 30 minute television series based on speed dating. "there are a thousand stories in the naked city..." Dare I say pitch it as a pilot?

The editing was solid, the music fit the mood and the personality of the film perfectly, I thought.

As far as the filming goes, there is only one thing I can add. Don't use zoom. Though you hovered on all the people going into the restaurant in the very beginning a little longer than needed, the zoom towards the door was unnecessary. It comes across as amateurish. It was used once or twice more in the film (zooming in on the main characters face) - again, better if you don't use it.

One thing most filmmakers have difficulty doing is staying on a shot for a fair amount of time - too much cutting. This film had a good pace and felt very relaxed. Overall, a solid entry!

Margaret Ricke (Level 5)

I've got this loading as I start...

Very nice opening. You do something here that's completely psychological and works brilliantly - You usher me inside the bar along with the on-screen customers. I walk past tables, overhear some conversations and then that bell rings and I know it's time to get down to business... It's fluid and lively and very well done. The music is a perfect fit. The credits were simple, clean and clear, and they have just enough movement. This is a great opening for this film.

There's great flow and framing. The film quality is very good. I love the music. The acting is very good... The professionalism starts with the first frame and carries through to the very end. I don't know if I need to keep going on about this or not, but it's really good work - writing, directing, casting, acting, cinematography... everything!

Excellent work.

Marnie Mitchell Lister (Level 5)

SCRIPT: Nice job creating two interesting and very intriguing characters.

PERFORMANCES: Whoa....that girl who played Katie portrayed a really good whacko. Seriously, she was great. Josh was adorable, charming and totally likeable and I felt so bad for him at the end.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: From the opening scene I knew I was in for a treat. Love the set up leading to the bell...that was great. Nice job creating a busy scene yet showing thier own little world at their table.

SCORE: LOVED IT!!! Especially the opening. Had me dancing in my chair. :)

OVERALL: I really enjoyed this. Although I liked the fact that Josh gets the girl in the original script, I liked the changes that were made to make this work better on screen. The new ending added another dynamic. The whole thing really worked and with two great actors it really came to life. Excellent work!

Martin Jensen (Level 5)

I just read the script for the first time, and it was really good. I liked how you began the film with a montage of bad examples of speed-daters.

A lot of the humor of the script really came through well in the conversation. Before I saw the ending, I was going to comment on how the dynamic of the script was changed by the first scene, with Katie enticing Josh into sitting down with her. Katie was definitely the dominant one throughout the film. Call me a stickler for sentimentality, but I preferred the original ending. The banter between them is blunted when Josh is obviously being taken advantage of as he is here.

The sound was very good, and the music really helped to set the atmosphere. However, a few lines of dialogue were clipped off, and on most of the wider shots the sound wasn't as clear as the other shots.

The conversation was shot very well, keeping it interesting just between two people. I loved the tracking shot moving with her away from him (although afterwards he seemed to just appear by her side).

Finally, I don't know if this was an issue with Vimeo or not, but the image looks stretched to fit wide-screen.

Very good.

Martin Lancaster (Level 4)

Great dialogue and performances from your actors. There's definite on-screen chemistry between the two leads. The cinematography is good and the film has a professional look.

I remember reading this script a long time ago so I was surprised by the ending. I went back and checked the script and noticed that you changed the tone of the ending completely. I have to say I prefer the original ending from the script. The story as filmed left me feeling cheated after such a great build up between the characters.

I still enjoyed it very much.

Is the aspect ratio off? The image looks a bit stretched/flattened.

Matthew Fettig (Level 5)

Very polished. Excellent soundtrack, great camera work, good setting. Very fluid performances. I didn't get the sense that Josh was feeling the chemistry as much as Katie was pretending too. She definitely carried him along for the ride, poor guy. It was all so smooth that I just enjoyed watching it and thinking about how lousy it would be to go through that process!

Micah Ricke (Level 4)

The first time I watched this I didn't care for it, but I watched it again and now I really liked it.

The first time I watched it I had trouble hearing what was being said and came to find that my speakers were malfunctioning, so I had to upgrade.

The lighting and set were nicely done.

The editing was fine, but there were some gaffes with Josh's drink in the scene where he leaves the bar and takes a seat at the table.

I thought the acting of the male lead (Josh/Kevin Held) and the bar tender were quite good, but Katie (Jenn Gotzon) was a bit over acted. Now here's an interesting point...
When I just listen to the film I have the opposite opinion. Jenn sounds more natural but Kevin comes across as wooden. But while viewing the film as a whole, Jenn's gestures and facial expressions seem over the top while Kevin appears a bit more natural.

Overall, very impressive and nice work.

Best regards.

Michael Hoffman (Level 4)

Very polished film with great style and production value.

Script- Unfortunately, I think this is the weakest aspect of the film. I'm not familiar with the speed dating scene so I felt sort of disconnected to the process that was going on and the dialogue never really held me. I often felt like I had missed the joke or the information I needed to understand what was being referenced in their conversation.

Performances- All the characters had the look and ability. However, I never quite felt the connection between the two characters so the twist didn't really suprise.

Cinematography- Excelent. The overall 'feel' of the film was awesome. The lighting was spot on, the location was perfect and the camera work was very good too.

Editing- Solid work. The titles were pro and it had a nice flow as we intercut back and forth between the conversation.

Sound- The dialogue was crisp and the ambient sound was very realistic. Only complaint is that some of the ambient sound and music is a little too loud at times.

Score- Good fit for the 'sex and the city' type vibe.

Direction- Did a great job putting all the pieces together. Very proffessional production.

Overall- Really really nice looking film. A+ for style. Oddly, the 'chemistry' between the two main characters was the most important key to the story and I think it was the weakest aspect. Still a great production.

Oliver Webb (Level 3)

Some of the camera angles don't match up. The look is good. Acting is okay. The guy is better than the girl. The script reads better than the production. Good time never the less. I don't really like the ending.

Paul Williams (Level 5)

I haven't read this script before watching the movie, so this one is new to me.

Very professional looking and expertly presented. Direction, cinematography, lighting and audio all appeared really good.

I see this script was written for the "Two People, One Location" contest, which was a good idea. However, with this short film presented, I had a few issues:

-The whole speed-dating thing and the fiascos associated with that seems a bit familiar now. There's been other movies which comedically portrayed this.
-The dialogue isn't bad, but it is obviously a talking-heads story, with no real visuals. A story like this feels more like a stage-play.
-I don't know why, but I didn't feel bad for Josh in the end. Perhaps I'm callous and others will, I just didn't.
-I'm not sure this had to be nine minutes long. It takes almost a minute for Josh and Katie to meet and I feel this all could've been tightened up a little.

In the end, I think there was a little more style than substance here.

Good.

Philip Whitcroft (Level 5)

This is nicely done and I like the way you started it and varied the ending because obviously you had a challenge in the fact that they sit static for five minutes.

On that same topic I think you could have done more to try and vary the shot compositions and movements during that long five minute stretch. Perhaps I've noticed that because this felt like it was playing a little long for me. If I was asked what the natural length of this story was I think I'd say 3 minutes in the middle and a minute on either end.

You've got nice lighting, the sound is fine. The acting is better from her, than from him, but then she has the more interesting character of the two to work with.

Pia Cook (Level 5)

Ha! I've seen this one before.

Nice job all around on the production. And I mean everything. The ambient sound added a lot.

My only gripe was that I hated the woman, but as it turned out, I guess she did a good job since she turned out to not be a nice person.

I'm voting Very Good on this. Good Luck with this.

Rich Keel (Level 4)

Wow what a professional looking movie! Hands down this will probably be one of the front runners. Wow..nice work!

Nothing really to mention except how good it was for virtualy everything. Direction, Audio, music, acting and simply the ability to keep me watching.

But I hated the ending...WOMEN!!! BOOOO!!!! :)

This one is going to be tough to beat.

Rustom Irani (Moderator)

Technically the dialog audio needs some tweaking, and I would've loved a few more inserts and coverage shots. Also, the opening has a few quick close-up shots that affect the pacing quite a bit.

Otherwise, this has great motivated camera moves, an excellent music track and very good editing.

The female lead does change over the course of the story and the layers shown speak about the direction. As for the male the dialog delivery felt a bit forced at times but clever editing worked in his favor.

The casting was well rounded with the smaller players having good screen presence.

This was well written and the ending was a surprise which could've worked either way but unless we got a too dramatic high we wouldn't know what really would've worked.

Keeping it light-hearted works for me.

Nicely done.

Sally Meyer (Moderator)

Script. I loved the script! The back and forth dialogue was perfectly written. I see that there was an additional ending. I liked it. It was a clever script, and I like dialogue driven stories a lot.

Performances.
I thought the blonde girl shone in this. She really was perfect. The guy was really good also, played his role very vulnerable. The bartender also, even though a supporting role, was well cast.

Cinematography.
Very nicely done. Great opener. Good angles, and even though this was more or less a talking head story, it didn't seem boring at all. Well done.

Sound
Great sound! No sound glitches, no tinny feel to the sound. Well done.

Editing
Nice editing. The film was paced well, nothing seemed to drag at all. I enjoyed the repartee between the leads.

Score
Excellent. Everything about the score was well done. Perfect!

I really enjoyed this, it was not only a great script to start with, but the film itself just popped to life. Your lead actress was so seductive and she played that to the hilt. Nice job guys. I voted this excellent.

Scott Merrow (Level 5)

A good-looking movie, very flashy and professional, but I didn't understand the story.

STORY / SCRIPT: I had three problems:

1. I didn't get it until I went back and read the script -- it's a "speed dating" thing. Oh. Now that I think about it, I guess I should have picked up on that. But I didn't. My fault.

2. I don't get what happened at the end. And the end is different in the script, so after reading the script I still don't understand the movie version.

3. Regardless of whether I understood it or not, I'm not a big fan of rapid-fire, "witty" banter. And that's pretty much this entire movie. It's very hard to do it well (e.g., Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell in "His Girl Friday"), and if it's not done perfectly it's distracting for me, because I find myself constantly thinking that people don't talk like this. And a lot of what they say generally doesn't seem to make sense. The writer is trying too hard to be clever and not hard enough to use the dialogue to propel the story forward. For example, when Josh hands her the blue card, I had no idea what that whole conversation was about until they actually started playing the three-for-one game. And I wonder...when he wrote "Will you accept a Three-for-One?" on the card, did he expect her to know what he was talking about? Is that something that everyone (except me) knows about?

PERFORMANCES: Pretty good.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: Fantastic. The movie looked really great.

DIRECTION, SOUND, EDITING, SCORE: I don't really know enough about any of these to make intelligent comments. They all seemed fine.

OVERALL: While I didn't enjoy the story very much, the movie really looked great. Very flashy and professional.

MY SCORE: GOOD.

Shaheryar Ahmed (Level 3)

It was okay... There were some things which bothered me... I would catgorarize them.

Cinematography:

There were some scenes which had grains. I do not hate them that much but indicating is my job and so is helping. As far as I think they are mostly in the EXT scenes. Other than that there were some scenes where the main characters are out of focus. This thing pretty much destroys a good film. Try avoiding it. I loved the lighting setup. I loved the atmospehere created by cinematography. And please try avoiding zooms. I just think zoom is not a good tool.

Performances:

The actors were good. Especially the female actor. She was quite believeable. Which is good. The male... I dunno... He lacked something.

Editing:

I liked the pace. I did not notice any jumps or any bad editing points. They were good. Nice work on the titles. Both of them the ones at the start and the ones at the end.

Direction:

It was nice of the director to take it the way he did. Humorous and light along with a little bit of drama. Not bad!

Overall:

It was nice but obviouslly the male could have done a little better and so could have the cinematographer. I guess that is my final verdit. Sometimes cinematography counts as well. Because he is making the audience follow the story. Visuals can mean so many things.

Stephen Brown (Level 5)

I thought this was well made. The acting, although a little over the top in places, was pretty good too.

I believe the film as a whole could have been shortened though as it seemed to drag a little. I'm guessing that's due to it being real time the whole '5 minute date'. I didn't count it out but it felt like real time. There wasn't really enough going on to make those 5 minutes interesting enough for me.

Like I've said though, this was well done, it just seemed to drag a little. The 'punch-line' also felt too mean. I would have liked another turn where he gets his own back on the pair of wee tricksters.

Tommy Merry (Level 4)

Story: Great opening title sequence. Made me feel as if I had taken a trip to Miami within 10 seconds. I was drawn in right away,
Well I certainly didn't like how the story ended, but that doesn't impact the fact that the film was very well done. Clever dialog too.

Acting: Very solid, no complaints. Great Chemistry between the actors in real life,

Cinematography: Perfectly suiting the storyline.

Music: Music at opening was hot like a tamale. It rocked, good selection!

Sound: The sound was great througout and legible and crisp. There was one moment that bothered me that could be easily fixed by adding more room noise/tone. It's between " I get that this was a set up, dare or both" And "But you said that you changed.." It goes froma quiet room tone to a nosier one. My suggestion would be that you overlap the room tones on the cut and bring a bit of the former into the later to make up for the volume difference.

Overall: Very Good short film, well made, captivating during its entirety.

Victor Ojeda (Level 3)

Not bad as a restaurant / bar commercial. The acting was a little forced. The script had the right idea but this is another example of a teamwork that fell short of the mark. The potential is there, it needs a re-visit.

William Bienes (Mod Emeritus)

The opening was very good, production was excellent. Very good direction, camera shots, color, sound and music (excellent choices, added spice to the spice, if you will)

Male lead felt a bit stiff at some points, but pulled it off. Female lead was very sexy.

My only issue is with the script. I enjoyed the original much more than the rewrite, which is what this film was based upon. The whole bet/joke is a reality TV-like moment that doesn't interest me at all. As a matter of fact, I don't like the changes to the script.

William Dunbar (Level 5)

I'm prefacing this month's comments by stating that I really don't know anything about turning scripts into films. But for what it's worth, I thought this was really well done. The performances by the actors were really good, the script was solid (of course), and the production looked basically flawless. Great job!

Comments Made After the Contest

KP Mackie (Level 5) ~ 1/1/2010 12:13 AM

Congratulations on your HM this month!

Sally Meyer (Moderator) ~ 1/1/2010 1:09 AM

Congrats! I really loved this one!

Margaret Ricke (Level 5) ~ 1/1/2010 1:21 AM

I really liked this, Rick. Congratulations on your HM!

Chris Messineo (Founder) ~ 1/1/2010 10:22 AM

Congratulations on the Honorable Mention.

George L. Heredia (Level 3) ~ 1/2/2010 1:50 AM

Thanks everyone for your comments. The aspect ratio is for wide screen, and there may have been some distortion in uploading. All your comments are spot on, and I really must say that without Rick Hansberry allowing me to make this possible...well... thanks Rick.

The screenplay, production and post were a challenge, and I feel as a director and producer this short film really has helped me grow.

Thank you all for viewing the film and sending your comments.